Hello,
A while back I mentioned that a psychic had informed me that I had someone very interesting behind me from the spirit world.
Naturally I was intrigued, so I was pleased to stumble across a different psychic who reckoned she could supply me with a drawing of my spirit guide. I duly coughed up the very reasonable £4.00 fee for this remarkable service and waited. The shocking outcome of all this is that I have a very well executed pencil drawing which appears to be of one of my ex-boyfriends. That said drawing has the same name and purports to be my 'soulmate' is, I need hardly day most distressing. Mr Clairwil could never be usurped in my affections.
Obviously I am the victim of some sort of prank. For a start a soulmate and a spirit guide are two entirely separate beasties. What worries me is who is responsible for this outrage? Why? I have of course submitted a stern email to them which has come back undelivered. It's as if they have vanished into thin air. The drawing itself is as I say very well done but every time I look at it I want to sleep with all it's friends and start pointless drunken fist fights. It can't be healthy.
I'm off to bed now though I doubt I shall ever sleep again.
Cheerio
Showing posts with label answers. Show all posts
Showing posts with label answers. Show all posts
7/03/2007
How Does One Get To Port Logan From Glasgow?
Hello,
I am again requesting the help of my wise readers. I MUST get to Port Logan on 13/07/07. I decided this morning and that is that but I don't have a car and it seems somewhat remote!
I can get to Stranraer but that leaves me with another 13 miles to go. Is there a bus service? A horse and cart driven by a kindly farmer? One thing is certain I'm not bloody walking. Not with my feet. I am a martyr to my feet, buttocks and nerves which rules out 13 mile walks and uncertainty.
Some local knowledge would be lovely!
Elsewhere 'Smeatomania' continues to delight almost all of us.
Cheerio
I am again requesting the help of my wise readers. I MUST get to Port Logan on 13/07/07. I decided this morning and that is that but I don't have a car and it seems somewhat remote!
I can get to Stranraer but that leaves me with another 13 miles to go. Is there a bus service? A horse and cart driven by a kindly farmer? One thing is certain I'm not bloody walking. Not with my feet. I am a martyr to my feet, buttocks and nerves which rules out 13 mile walks and uncertainty.
Some local knowledge would be lovely!
Elsewhere 'Smeatomania' continues to delight almost all of us.
Cheerio
6/19/2007
Advice
Hello,
It is my duty to inform you that attending a laughter therapy workshop is a terrible idea. It is hard for me to talk about exactly what happened but 'getting in touch with your inner laugh' is no laughing matter. Apparently people have been known to break down in tears at these affairs and they have my sympathy, I wasn't far off anguished hysteria myself. Stick to Yoga it's much safer and no-one makes you pretend to be a tree.
Another useful lesson for us all is never, ever flush underwear down the toilet. I am referring to the collapse of a sewer, near Darlington caused by a bra and pants. Northumbrian Water have made it clear that sewerage pipes were not designed for underwear disposal so there should be no confusion on the matter. Much as it pains me to admit it I have reason to believe that the culprit may hail from the west of Scotland. I am reliably informed by a fellow skilled in building and sewerage pipes that having worked all over Europe he has discovered that the west of Scotland is the only place where people think nappies and larger items can be flushed down the loo.
Finally don't go on holiday without these essential phrases.
Cheerio
It is my duty to inform you that attending a laughter therapy workshop is a terrible idea. It is hard for me to talk about exactly what happened but 'getting in touch with your inner laugh' is no laughing matter. Apparently people have been known to break down in tears at these affairs and they have my sympathy, I wasn't far off anguished hysteria myself. Stick to Yoga it's much safer and no-one makes you pretend to be a tree.
Another useful lesson for us all is never, ever flush underwear down the toilet. I am referring to the collapse of a sewer, near Darlington caused by a bra and pants. Northumbrian Water have made it clear that sewerage pipes were not designed for underwear disposal so there should be no confusion on the matter. Much as it pains me to admit it I have reason to believe that the culprit may hail from the west of Scotland. I am reliably informed by a fellow skilled in building and sewerage pipes that having worked all over Europe he has discovered that the west of Scotland is the only place where people think nappies and larger items can be flushed down the loo.
Finally don't go on holiday without these essential phrases.
Cheerio
6/03/2007
Advice On Sex Toys
Hello,
I recently purchased a stack of sex toys purely for self gratification, not for research or something dull, or worse respectable.
It's cliched but entirely true that you can't go wrong with a Rampant Rabbit. I have abandoned my Red Mermaid for the Platinum Rabbit. It's as good as a chap but faster which appeals to me, if no-one else. Why does sex always take so long?
I'm also recommending the comically named 'Tracy Cox Supersex Lovelube'. Slidy without stickiness, pleasantly scented and tasteless. Works wonders on stubble rash. Mind you it contains ginseng which I'm told is stimulating to the boaby so do be careful.
Rubber Spiked Love Balls are anything but loving. Good Lord it was like sitting down too quickly and finding that in a one in a million chance, one sucked up a couple of baby hedgehogs. Avoid, avoid. Like the bloody plague.
Finally we come (ho ho) to Little Blue. A vibrator of pathetic length and girth. Honestly I cannot imagine who it is made for. Well actually I can but nympho toddlers have no place on my blog. I have no wish to be lynched. Oh no not I.
Cheerio
P.S I recived an email from an irate reader (my mummy) earlier in the week demaning that this be taken down. I'd forgotten about it but here it is again, mummy. Now take the hint and cock off.
5/18/2007
The world really needs something to take the edge off it.
Hello,
Sorry for the absence. I've been grappling with nicotine withdrawl, a diet of leftovers and no booze for a week. A whole week. Talk about depressing. I haven't decided to take up 'healthy living' or some such nonsense. I've been estranged from my bank card. To cut a long story short my card stopped working, the bank sent a replacement which has been trapped at the sorting office for a whole week.
Anyway I now have my new card and have been able to get back into the old vices again. Merciful Jesus! The terrible thing about not smoking and drinking is that it makes one think of themselves and how they feel constantly and that way depression lies. I imagine this is what rehab must be like.
It is just as well I've got my 'crutches' because I don't think the unenhanced Clairwil could have taken this horror - Tony Blair in charge of the World Bank! For heaven's sake, you'd think after the mess he's made of Britain, not to mention Iraq he'd be unemployable but no. They think he's wonderful!
Nothing's been decided as yet but it's just the sort of thing I could see Blair doing either that or something pointless in Europe. What the reports on this terrifying possibility don't mention is Cherie. The world Bank might think Paul Wolfowitz's lady friend has been a problem but imagine that grasping crow Cherie on the loose. She'll sweep through the world hoovering up freebies and I bet she'll nick the stationary whether he manages to wangle her a job or not.
Quite apart from anything else and correct me if I'm wrong but Blair doesn't have any banking experience does he? That being the case shouldn't he be starting out in the call centre or something to get a bit of experience. There is also the small matter of the question of Blair's honesty cash for peerages, WMD etc.
Why can't he just piss off to America and charge businessmen stupid sums of money to listen to him bang on about how great he is? Isn't that the normal career for ex-prime ministers. Failing that couldn't we just encase him concrete and bury him for a 100 years after which time he wouldn't be able to do any more damage?
Sorry for the absence. I've been grappling with nicotine withdrawl, a diet of leftovers and no booze for a week. A whole week. Talk about depressing. I haven't decided to take up 'healthy living' or some such nonsense. I've been estranged from my bank card. To cut a long story short my card stopped working, the bank sent a replacement which has been trapped at the sorting office for a whole week.
Anyway I now have my new card and have been able to get back into the old vices again. Merciful Jesus! The terrible thing about not smoking and drinking is that it makes one think of themselves and how they feel constantly and that way depression lies. I imagine this is what rehab must be like.
It is just as well I've got my 'crutches' because I don't think the unenhanced Clairwil could have taken this horror - Tony Blair in charge of the World Bank! For heaven's sake, you'd think after the mess he's made of Britain, not to mention Iraq he'd be unemployable but no. They think he's wonderful!
Nothing's been decided as yet but it's just the sort of thing I could see Blair doing either that or something pointless in Europe. What the reports on this terrifying possibility don't mention is Cherie. The world Bank might think Paul Wolfowitz's lady friend has been a problem but imagine that grasping crow Cherie on the loose. She'll sweep through the world hoovering up freebies and I bet she'll nick the stationary whether he manages to wangle her a job or not.
Quite apart from anything else and correct me if I'm wrong but Blair doesn't have any banking experience does he? That being the case shouldn't he be starting out in the call centre or something to get a bit of experience. There is also the small matter of the question of Blair's honesty cash for peerages, WMD etc.
Why can't he just piss off to America and charge businessmen stupid sums of money to listen to him bang on about how great he is? Isn't that the normal career for ex-prime ministers. Failing that couldn't we just encase him concrete and bury him for a 100 years after which time he wouldn't be able to do any more damage?
4/22/2007
DANGER! SAVE THE HARD WORKING FAMILY!!!!
Hello,
The Labour Party have put a most distressing leaflet through my door. Apparently if the SNP win the election and Scotland becomes independent we'll all need to stump up £5000! To be honest I was thinking of remortgaging so I can probably come up with the money but what of hard working families? Are these so called Scottish Nationalists thinking of them?
As all those who know me will tell you I worry constantly about hard working families. Are they getting enough to eat? Do they have enough money to spend in IKEA? Will the children have to walk to school if fuel duty is raised?
I must say it's got me worried. It's all very well for us up in Scotland, we'll be £5000 up if we stay as we are, but what about the English, Welsh and Northern Irish hard working families?
Presumably they're all going to have to fork out another £5000 to keep us. What if they rise up and kick us out the union and blow the £5000 on new bathroom suites and school fees?
I don't mind telling you I am petrified. Quivering in my boots. As ever though, I have questions.
Why after about a million years being a Labour dominated country, not to mention ten years of Labour government, are we still such a basket case? What steps are being taken to rescue us before people are sponsoring Scottish babies by direct debit?
Then again this leaflet is a bit of a red rag to the Clairwil bull. I mean O.K we are skint but should we really be admitting it in front of the neighbours? No one likes a showing up. To save face I suggest we start a national menage for the independence fee, bump up the price of whisky and go for it.
Cheerio
The Labour Party have put a most distressing leaflet through my door. Apparently if the SNP win the election and Scotland becomes independent we'll all need to stump up £5000! To be honest I was thinking of remortgaging so I can probably come up with the money but what of hard working families? Are these so called Scottish Nationalists thinking of them?
As all those who know me will tell you I worry constantly about hard working families. Are they getting enough to eat? Do they have enough money to spend in IKEA? Will the children have to walk to school if fuel duty is raised?
I must say it's got me worried. It's all very well for us up in Scotland, we'll be £5000 up if we stay as we are, but what about the English, Welsh and Northern Irish hard working families?
Presumably they're all going to have to fork out another £5000 to keep us. What if they rise up and kick us out the union and blow the £5000 on new bathroom suites and school fees?
I don't mind telling you I am petrified. Quivering in my boots. As ever though, I have questions.
Why after about a million years being a Labour dominated country, not to mention ten years of Labour government, are we still such a basket case? What steps are being taken to rescue us before people are sponsoring Scottish babies by direct debit?
Then again this leaflet is a bit of a red rag to the Clairwil bull. I mean O.K we are skint but should we really be admitting it in front of the neighbours? No one likes a showing up. To save face I suggest we start a national menage for the independence fee, bump up the price of whisky and go for it.
Cheerio
4/17/2007
Ask Charlie
'One of the newest MSPs was also one of the dearest. Charles Gordon, who was elected Labour MSP for Glasgow Cathcart last September, billed taxpayers for £3571 for his first quarter in the job, although this included a number of start-up costs, such as a £50 Freeview TV box for his constituency office, and £159 worth of tea and coffee.'Tom Gordon in the Herald, 6 th October 2006.
Hello,
There is nothing Clairwil enjoys more than reminding a cheeky councillor, MP or MSP that I pay their wages. There are two reasons for this, the first is that it's true and the second is that they must be sick hearing it. See, you can goad them beyond endurance without being at all unpleasant.
Anyway I was leafing through The Digger when I chanced upon one Charlie Gordon MSP taking fright at being questioned by a member of the public. It's almost the funniest thing I've ever heard. If you see Charlie on your travels, please ask him a question, taking care to remind him that your taxes paid for his Freeview box. Baiting this man could be more fun than the popular bloodsport of kicking Terry Kelly.
To return to Charlies traumatic encounter with the public, picture the scene. The volunteer staff of Merrylee Matters Community Initiative were doing a spot of gardening when Charlie 'Square-eyes' Gordon came a waddling down the street looking for votes. The volunteers couldn't believe their luck as they hadn't set eyes on Charlie since the last election. Heads full of silly ideas of accountability they seized the chance to ask the reclusive telly addict a question.
One of the volunteers asked Charlie why he'd done nothing to promote the work they did in the community, why he was ignoring the community and stated that he'd done nothing but line his pockets since being elected. A fair point and two good questions, more so when one takes into account the fact that Mr Gordon was head of Glasgow City Council when the notorious Chirnsyde Initiative was given funding.
Rather than just answer the bloody question Charlie and his researcher panicked. I found this detail particularly amusing '.....Gordon's researcher was acting like a child, waving his arms about in the street and demanding that the police come.' The police did come along later and stated that whilst they accepted no-one had been abusive or threatening towards Charlie they would still be charged with breach of the peace if they approached him again.
Like I said before baiting this cretin looks like a lot of fun. There really is only one reasonable response to this. Let's see if we can get his researcher to start bedwetting. We must all ask Charlie a question. Remember keep it polite.
Cheerio
Hello,
There is nothing Clairwil enjoys more than reminding a cheeky councillor, MP or MSP that I pay their wages. There are two reasons for this, the first is that it's true and the second is that they must be sick hearing it. See, you can goad them beyond endurance without being at all unpleasant.
Anyway I was leafing through The Digger when I chanced upon one Charlie Gordon MSP taking fright at being questioned by a member of the public. It's almost the funniest thing I've ever heard. If you see Charlie on your travels, please ask him a question, taking care to remind him that your taxes paid for his Freeview box. Baiting this man could be more fun than the popular bloodsport of kicking Terry Kelly.
To return to Charlies traumatic encounter with the public, picture the scene. The volunteer staff of Merrylee Matters Community Initiative were doing a spot of gardening when Charlie 'Square-eyes' Gordon came a waddling down the street looking for votes. The volunteers couldn't believe their luck as they hadn't set eyes on Charlie since the last election. Heads full of silly ideas of accountability they seized the chance to ask the reclusive telly addict a question.
One of the volunteers asked Charlie why he'd done nothing to promote the work they did in the community, why he was ignoring the community and stated that he'd done nothing but line his pockets since being elected. A fair point and two good questions, more so when one takes into account the fact that Mr Gordon was head of Glasgow City Council when the notorious Chirnsyde Initiative was given funding.
Rather than just answer the bloody question Charlie and his researcher panicked. I found this detail particularly amusing '.....Gordon's researcher was acting like a child, waving his arms about in the street and demanding that the police come.' The police did come along later and stated that whilst they accepted no-one had been abusive or threatening towards Charlie they would still be charged with breach of the peace if they approached him again.
Like I said before baiting this cretin looks like a lot of fun. There really is only one reasonable response to this. Let's see if we can get his researcher to start bedwetting. We must all ask Charlie a question. Remember keep it polite.
Cheerio
4/15/2007
A Code Of Conduct For Bloggers
Hello,
Is there no part of my life that is free from botherers? I have just received an email telling, yes telling me to become a protestant. Obviously I emailed back and said I'd love to but first you need to do something about the lack of visuals, incense and how about adopting few Voodoo rituals. Believe me that is the last time I ever ask the Wee Free's a serious theological question.
Anyway some sort of code of conduct for bloggers has been brought to my attention. Oh for Christ's sake just cock off! Is nothing sacred? All I ever wanted in life was a space to act the goat in without someone moaning that I'd trod on their prize marrow. Now we have this set of rules. To be fair they are voluntary -for now.
There is no need for it whatsoever. I find myself reminded of those kiss-arse children I was incarcerated at school with. Do you know that at one point they took at petition to the headmaster asking for the uniform rules to be enforced? And had the nerve to call me immature for sneering at them! Why in God's name would anyone campaign to have one of their meagre freedoms taken away?
As time goes by I start to relate to those Americans that live in shacks in the mountains with 526 rifles and mistrust the government.
If you don't want to read me, then fuck off! Now that is a code of conduct.
Cheerio
Is there no part of my life that is free from botherers? I have just received an email telling, yes telling me to become a protestant. Obviously I emailed back and said I'd love to but first you need to do something about the lack of visuals, incense and how about adopting few Voodoo rituals. Believe me that is the last time I ever ask the Wee Free's a serious theological question.
Anyway some sort of code of conduct for bloggers has been brought to my attention. Oh for Christ's sake just cock off! Is nothing sacred? All I ever wanted in life was a space to act the goat in without someone moaning that I'd trod on their prize marrow. Now we have this set of rules. To be fair they are voluntary -for now.
There is no need for it whatsoever. I find myself reminded of those kiss-arse children I was incarcerated at school with. Do you know that at one point they took at petition to the headmaster asking for the uniform rules to be enforced? And had the nerve to call me immature for sneering at them! Why in God's name would anyone campaign to have one of their meagre freedoms taken away?
As time goes by I start to relate to those Americans that live in shacks in the mountains with 526 rifles and mistrust the government.
If you don't want to read me, then fuck off! Now that is a code of conduct.
Cheerio
4/07/2007
Are They All On Drugs?
That's it. That is the fucking limit. It was only a matter of time before the government sent me 100% batshit fucking doolally mental. For the love of God what is wrong with them? I'm just looking out the window and daily life is going on as normal. What's wrong? Why aren't there riots? A revolution? We are being governed by cunting robots? They must be stopped.
I was just over at Tom Tylers blog when I chanced upon this cracker from Patrica Hewitt commenting on the British sailors taken hostage in Iran;
"It was deplorable that the woman hostage should be shown smoking. This sends completely the wrong message to our young people."
It's extraordinary, almost unbelievable. A member of the British government switches on the TV to see some British sailors taken hostage by Iran and thinks 'tsk, smoking'. Exactly how much of a health Nazi does one need to be to react like that? Frankly I'm amazed she doesn't want to prosecute her for smoking in the workplace.
I despair.
Some good stuff up over at TerryWatch
I was just over at Tom Tylers blog when I chanced upon this cracker from Patrica Hewitt commenting on the British sailors taken hostage in Iran;
"It was deplorable that the woman hostage should be shown smoking. This sends completely the wrong message to our young people."
It's extraordinary, almost unbelievable. A member of the British government switches on the TV to see some British sailors taken hostage by Iran and thinks 'tsk, smoking'. Exactly how much of a health Nazi does one need to be to react like that? Frankly I'm amazed she doesn't want to prosecute her for smoking in the workplace.
I despair.
Some good stuff up over at TerryWatch
The Internet Hates Me
Hello,
Following on from my earlier post about the horror involved in trying to set up a website. I'm still stuck. Some of the clever types below have asked me for more information! Ha! they don't realise quite what a dunce they're dealing with. Anyway here is my version of events. Can anyone shed any light on this catastrophe?
I purchased a website regarding popular skin conditions on ebay with the aim of polluting the internet with with yet another advertising site. This website reckons it's ready to go for adsense and that all one has to do is insert their adsense ID and then publish. Oh they made it sound so bloody easy and I'm sure it is for other people.
I downloaded it and opened it using WinRAR. All the templates opened in Firefox after I'd unzipped them. I didn't ask them to, it just happened. Also supplied with the programme was a search and replace tool. The instructions said that I should type in my adsense code, hit search and replace and that would be the editing done. It didn't work and kept saying that the code I wished to replace didn't exist! But it did because I've seen it!
As the files kept opening as the finished article rather than html. I used the view source option and copied the template into notepad. This then allowed me to replace the relevant bit of code by hand not using the fucking tool.
For my next trick I then tried to upload the files to my website. Oh sweet Jesus! Why did I bother? I followed the instructions in windows which seem simple but are a wicked trick. The only option I'm given is to upload to MSN groups. Nowhere else. Who in their right mind wants to only send things to MSN? Why can't I add my webhost?
So I went to my control panel. Noted their template editor was useless unless you just want to pick one of their templates, so I installed Joomla. Why Joomla? I don't know I just liked the name. Joomla is a cunt. Every time I try and upload the templates I get an error message. It has thus far allowed me to upload a banner with no problem, then turned against me. It did allow me to copy and paste a page of code in but it came out all wrong!
I realise that I am at fault here. I just can't understand where I went wrong. I'm not great with computers but this is absurd. I thought templates would make life easier.
Cheerio
Following on from my earlier post about the horror involved in trying to set up a website. I'm still stuck. Some of the clever types below have asked me for more information! Ha! they don't realise quite what a dunce they're dealing with. Anyway here is my version of events. Can anyone shed any light on this catastrophe?
I purchased a website regarding popular skin conditions on ebay with the aim of polluting the internet with with yet another advertising site. This website reckons it's ready to go for adsense and that all one has to do is insert their adsense ID and then publish. Oh they made it sound so bloody easy and I'm sure it is for other people.
I downloaded it and opened it using WinRAR. All the templates opened in Firefox after I'd unzipped them. I didn't ask them to, it just happened. Also supplied with the programme was a search and replace tool. The instructions said that I should type in my adsense code, hit search and replace and that would be the editing done. It didn't work and kept saying that the code I wished to replace didn't exist! But it did because I've seen it!
As the files kept opening as the finished article rather than html. I used the view source option and copied the template into notepad. This then allowed me to replace the relevant bit of code by hand not using the fucking tool.
For my next trick I then tried to upload the files to my website. Oh sweet Jesus! Why did I bother? I followed the instructions in windows which seem simple but are a wicked trick. The only option I'm given is to upload to MSN groups. Nowhere else. Who in their right mind wants to only send things to MSN? Why can't I add my webhost?
So I went to my control panel. Noted their template editor was useless unless you just want to pick one of their templates, so I installed Joomla. Why Joomla? I don't know I just liked the name. Joomla is a cunt. Every time I try and upload the templates I get an error message. It has thus far allowed me to upload a banner with no problem, then turned against me. It did allow me to copy and paste a page of code in but it came out all wrong!
I realise that I am at fault here. I just can't understand where I went wrong. I'm not great with computers but this is absurd. I thought templates would make life easier.
Cheerio
4/02/2007
Is this what the old days were like?
Hello,
I was listening to the wireless during a car journey earlier this evening. The programme was one of the many being broadcast at the moment about the Falklands War. One of the people interviewed was Lord Carrington, the then Foreign Secretary. Readers he said something that made my jaw hit the floor.
I can't remember his exact quote but he said that he felt that the government of the time relied too much on intelligence which turned out to be faulty and as such he felt obliged to take responsibility for for complacency and failures in the Foreign Office and resign. I know it's hard to believe but I've checked and it really happened! He did draw on the obvious parallel with this government and dodgy intelligence.
Can you imagine any of the current lot behaving in a similar fashion?
Inspired by this almost unbelievable tale, I'd like to hear about who you'd like to resign from the current government and why.
Answers below please.
I was listening to the wireless during a car journey earlier this evening. The programme was one of the many being broadcast at the moment about the Falklands War. One of the people interviewed was Lord Carrington, the then Foreign Secretary. Readers he said something that made my jaw hit the floor.
I can't remember his exact quote but he said that he felt that the government of the time relied too much on intelligence which turned out to be faulty and as such he felt obliged to take responsibility for for complacency and failures in the Foreign Office and resign. I know it's hard to believe but I've checked and it really happened! He did draw on the obvious parallel with this government and dodgy intelligence.
Can you imagine any of the current lot behaving in a similar fashion?
Inspired by this almost unbelievable tale, I'd like to hear about who you'd like to resign from the current government and why.
Answers below please.
Please Patronise Me
Hello,
I recently purchased a website, as a bit of an experiment. Oh of course they told me it would be easy and I don't doubt that it is but I'm someone who is proud of sending a successful email and as such am being sent slowly mad by the whole thing.
I will list my problems below, if anyone can help, please do. Just remember that I'm not the brightest on technological matters. I really do want to be patronised.
1. I download the templates which open in my firefox browser as the finished article rather than just the html. Why? Who the hell asked them to?
2. I need to change a bit of code in all the pages. I've been getting the source code and copying and pasting it into notepad, doing it page by page. The instructions state that I should be able to use my search and replace tool but it doesn't find the relevant bits or replace them.
3. I then upload a page and it's wrong! Bits of code here and there suggesting the html is wrong. Yet it works fine when downloaded.
All I want is the downloaded files to open in an editable format, wallop the relevant bits into search and replace, then upload them. Why is the technology defying me?
Idiot-proof answers please.
I recently purchased a website, as a bit of an experiment. Oh of course they told me it would be easy and I don't doubt that it is but I'm someone who is proud of sending a successful email and as such am being sent slowly mad by the whole thing.
I will list my problems below, if anyone can help, please do. Just remember that I'm not the brightest on technological matters. I really do want to be patronised.
1. I download the templates which open in my firefox browser as the finished article rather than just the html. Why? Who the hell asked them to?
2. I need to change a bit of code in all the pages. I've been getting the source code and copying and pasting it into notepad, doing it page by page. The instructions state that I should be able to use my search and replace tool but it doesn't find the relevant bits or replace them.
3. I then upload a page and it's wrong! Bits of code here and there suggesting the html is wrong. Yet it works fine when downloaded.
All I want is the downloaded files to open in an editable format, wallop the relevant bits into search and replace, then upload them. Why is the technology defying me?
Idiot-proof answers please.
3/21/2007
Happy News and Help Wanted
Hello,
I have some happy news! I have a new job, only part-time but I'll be working from home! Living the dream! I had to audition and everything. Can Oscar glory be far off? Anyway my job will entail speaking to chaps about matters of an adult nature which presents me with something of a dilemma. I have to choose a category in which to appear and choose a hair colour.
Should I go for 18-25, 40+, blonde, brunette or ginger. Oh and I need a name as well. I've always wanted to be called Bernadette or Stella but I'm not sure they sound particularly 'racy'. At the same time I don't want to be called anything too 'porn star' because I'd feel like a total fool and the punters would smell a rat.
I've ruled out doing the shouting at men line because my voice is too soft to sound truly threatening. Plus I'm a terrible giggler so I think I'll do best to keep it light. So that leaves me with 'chat', dogging, anal sex, oral sex, feet, 'watersports' and 'other'. What on earth 'other' entails is a mystery, so I'm a bit wary. I don't think anyone wants to be calling up to hear me bellowing 'you want to what?, Good God sir, are you quite well?'
Suggestions please.
I have some happy news! I have a new job, only part-time but I'll be working from home! Living the dream! I had to audition and everything. Can Oscar glory be far off? Anyway my job will entail speaking to chaps about matters of an adult nature which presents me with something of a dilemma. I have to choose a category in which to appear and choose a hair colour.
Should I go for 18-25, 40+, blonde, brunette or ginger. Oh and I need a name as well. I've always wanted to be called Bernadette or Stella but I'm not sure they sound particularly 'racy'. At the same time I don't want to be called anything too 'porn star' because I'd feel like a total fool and the punters would smell a rat.
I've ruled out doing the shouting at men line because my voice is too soft to sound truly threatening. Plus I'm a terrible giggler so I think I'll do best to keep it light. So that leaves me with 'chat', dogging, anal sex, oral sex, feet, 'watersports' and 'other'. What on earth 'other' entails is a mystery, so I'm a bit wary. I don't think anyone wants to be calling up to hear me bellowing 'you want to what?, Good God sir, are you quite well?'
Suggestions please.
3/04/2007
Ann Coulter
Hello,
I don't think I've ever posted about Ann Coulter before. This is mainly because the woman and her opinions are a matter of supreme indifference to me. I just don't get why people go pissing their drawers about her, it's controversy by numbers. I could do it standing on my head. I know her secrets and they do not interest me. People, your buttons are being pushed. Ignore her and she'll go away. That's the thing with big gobs, they get tired and there's always a queue to replace them.
Anyway I note she's in trouble for calling John Edwards a faggot. Part of me wants to applaud her for doing a bit of taboo trashing, another part of me wants to slap her, the rest of me just shrugs. Oh come on, do any gays really wonder, after an exhausting round of ungodly shagging, if Ann Coulter will love them in the morning? I suspect not and any that do really are deviants.
The one thing that does intrigue me about her is -why are her hands so big? OK, I lied there is more that interests me. Why does she have an Adam's apple? Is she hiding her candy or did she have the lot off? If she's gone for the works does she ever have trouble with pubes growing up her fake snatch? What I'm trying to say is, did she used to be a man or does she just have horse genes?
My name is Clairwil and I am addicted to trivia.
Cheerio
I don't think I've ever posted about Ann Coulter before. This is mainly because the woman and her opinions are a matter of supreme indifference to me. I just don't get why people go pissing their drawers about her, it's controversy by numbers. I could do it standing on my head. I know her secrets and they do not interest me. People, your buttons are being pushed. Ignore her and she'll go away. That's the thing with big gobs, they get tired and there's always a queue to replace them.
Anyway I note she's in trouble for calling John Edwards a faggot. Part of me wants to applaud her for doing a bit of taboo trashing, another part of me wants to slap her, the rest of me just shrugs. Oh come on, do any gays really wonder, after an exhausting round of ungodly shagging, if Ann Coulter will love them in the morning? I suspect not and any that do really are deviants.
The one thing that does intrigue me about her is -why are her hands so big? OK, I lied there is more that interests me. Why does she have an Adam's apple? Is she hiding her candy or did she have the lot off? If she's gone for the works does she ever have trouble with pubes growing up her fake snatch? What I'm trying to say is, did she used to be a man or does she just have horse genes?
My name is Clairwil and I am addicted to trivia.
Cheerio
3/01/2007
Does Anyone Know What This Is?
Hello,
I've put up a post over here about an odd programme that I've downloaded. I can't for the life of me fathom out what it wants or why it's giving me money. Can anyone enlighten me?
I'd be very grateful.
Cheers
I've put up a post over here about an odd programme that I've downloaded. I can't for the life of me fathom out what it wants or why it's giving me money. Can anyone enlighten me?
I'd be very grateful.
Cheers
2/27/2007
I just can't take my eyes off Terry Kelly....
Hello,
Once again I have been forced by circumstances outwith my control to inflict another Terry newsflash on you all. Only the other day Terry made the following 'joke' confession
'christ I'm doing it again. Having been involved in corrupt Labour politics for 40 yrs. I'm already rich, I don't need the money I've stolen enough, so I'm retiring, now crawl back under your stone.'
At least I thought he was joking as you know I always try to think the best of people. Then my attention was drawn to this shocking tale of....oh dear....erm... how can I put this -Labour corruption on Renfrewshire council. Laugh? I very nearly danced. There's even going to be a criminal investigation!
There is of course no evidence at all that our Terry is involved but how unfortunate to make a joke about Labour corruption, then to have this come out. Poor Terry he must be feeling very let down by his colleagues.
Why can't I stop laughing?
Cheerio
Once again I have been forced by circumstances outwith my control to inflict another Terry newsflash on you all. Only the other day Terry made the following 'joke' confession
'christ I'm doing it again. Having been involved in corrupt Labour politics for 40 yrs. I'm already rich, I don't need the money I've stolen enough, so I'm retiring, now crawl back under your stone.'
At least I thought he was joking as you know I always try to think the best of people. Then my attention was drawn to this shocking tale of....oh dear....erm... how can I put this -Labour corruption on Renfrewshire council. Laugh? I very nearly danced. There's even going to be a criminal investigation!
There is of course no evidence at all that our Terry is involved but how unfortunate to make a joke about Labour corruption, then to have this come out. Poor Terry he must be feeling very let down by his colleagues.
Why can't I stop laughing?
Cheerio
2/26/2007
Clairwil Is Tempted By An Obvious Con!
Hello,
As I mentioned a while back I have another blog to keep track of my attempts to earn a living without doing very much or leaving the house. Anyway I was just completing a post on the 'most watched' items on eBay when I came across this auction .
Obviously I'm suspicious but I must shamefully admit to being tempted. As time goes by I grow more amazed than ever that I've never fallen for one of those email scams. To return to the suspicious auction if I may. What is this 'historical event' they are banging on about?
'Every once in a while, world events combine to create situations that will generate billions of dollars from virtually thin air, (it only happened twice in the 20th century).'
Money from thin air! When did this happen? I can think of many instances of money disappearing into thin air during the course of the 20th century but didn't it turn up in odd places like Robert Maxwell's pocket, if ever?
I feel like I'm in Jack and The Beanstalk or something. Can anyone enlighten me on the precise nature of this scam? Apparently the 'big players' know all about it. Are any of them reading? Would any of them mind giving this 'little player' an explanation of this extraordinary item or even a small hint?
No wonder it's one of the most watched items on eBay, I can't take my eyes of the bloody thing. The girls in the picture look too sweet to be wholesome. It's a honey trap and no mistake.
I demand answers.
As I mentioned a while back I have another blog to keep track of my attempts to earn a living without doing very much or leaving the house. Anyway I was just completing a post on the 'most watched' items on eBay when I came across this auction .
Obviously I'm suspicious but I must shamefully admit to being tempted. As time goes by I grow more amazed than ever that I've never fallen for one of those email scams. To return to the suspicious auction if I may. What is this 'historical event' they are banging on about?
'Every once in a while, world events combine to create situations that will generate billions of dollars from virtually thin air, (it only happened twice in the 20th century).'
Money from thin air! When did this happen? I can think of many instances of money disappearing into thin air during the course of the 20th century but didn't it turn up in odd places like Robert Maxwell's pocket, if ever?
I feel like I'm in Jack and The Beanstalk or something. Can anyone enlighten me on the precise nature of this scam? Apparently the 'big players' know all about it. Are any of them reading? Would any of them mind giving this 'little player' an explanation of this extraordinary item or even a small hint?
No wonder it's one of the most watched items on eBay, I can't take my eyes of the bloody thing. The girls in the picture look too sweet to be wholesome. It's a honey trap and no mistake.
I demand answers.
1/28/2007
Consult The Tarot
Hello,
I'm feeling somewhat mystic today. It happens every so often. So for that reason I'd like to invite you all to ask me questions which I will answer using tarot cards. I'd ask you to cross my palm with silver but I'd actually like a response. So just click on a google ad in the sidebar and let google pay for your consultation.
Now who's first?
I'm feeling somewhat mystic today. It happens every so often. So for that reason I'd like to invite you all to ask me questions which I will answer using tarot cards. I'd ask you to cross my palm with silver but I'd actually like a response. So just click on a google ad in the sidebar and let google pay for your consultation.
Now who's first?
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