Dereliction Of Duty

Hello,
It occurs to me that I haven't posted anything rude about a politician for ages. I can only apologise to my elected chums and trust none of them are feeling too neglected.

First up the Tories have irritated me. It's just like the 80's again. As you'll all be aware Thatcher popped round to Gordon Brown's pad for tea and crumpets or to noise up David Cameron depending on your view. Anyway a few of the Tories have got all huffy and upset about it, claiming that she's a frail and lonely old lady and is being exploited. Have they seen her lately? She looks more terrifying than ever. In any case in the unlikely event she and Cameron were to have a bare knuckle boxing contest I know where my money would be going.


That being their opinion I wonder how many of them pop in to visit or give her a ring to see if she wants any shopping done? Not many because they all keep their distance depending on how much of a liability they see her as having consulted with umpteen focus groups. If I were her I'd join Respect to really mess with their minds.

Obviously the government have upset me, I believe it was one of those pledges they kept banging on about. Apparently 24 hour licencing has got to go because some people are too bloody stupid to go to the pub without making a nuisance of themselves. Naturally this has got the puritans creaming their drawers with excitement.

Rather than restrict opening hours could they not try something like policing the town centres at peak times. They started doing it Glasgow a while back and fuck me violent crime at the weekend fell by 13%! It's almost as if the police were acting as some sort of deterrent. In addition to the visible and surprisingly civilized and good natured police presence they have fellows in fluorescent jackets who keep the taxi queue moving in an orderly fashion and direct folk to buses etc.

If the government place us all under house arrest at any point in the next ten years I will not raise an eyebrow. More seriously why can't they just leave us alone. Stop smoking, lose weight, stop drinking. For God's sake it's like living with my mother.

Has anyone looked into the effects of all this nagging on the population? Maybe all the stress they're putting us under is causing everyone to reach for the bottle. At times they make me want to smoke crack and bite folk.

Why can't they accept that human nature cannot be perfected by legislation? Look at the smoking ban. The only difference in my habits is that I sit outside at the pub and talk to all the interesting folk, leaving all the lemon suckers inside. Life expectancy in the U.K is longer than it's ever been. Why the sudden hysteria about self inflicted premature death?

I live in a town centre so I'm no stranger to the problems caused by drunken halfwits but I also know that the majority of people are able to go out for a few pints without causing mayhem. I am merely suggesting that they leave the rest of us alone and arrest the idiots. Honestly they're worse than those teachers that punish entire classes for the 'crimes' of an individual.

Cheerio

A Code Of Conduct For Bloggers

Hello,
Is there no part of my life that is free from botherers? I have just received an email telling, yes telling me to become a protestant. Obviously I emailed back and said I'd love to but first you need to do something about the lack of visuals, incense and how about adopting few Voodoo rituals. Believe me that is the last time I ever ask the Wee Free's a serious theological question.

Anyway some sort of code of conduct for bloggers has been brought to my attention. Oh for Christ's sake just cock off! Is nothing sacred? All I ever wanted in life was a space to act the goat in without someone moaning that I'd trod on their prize marrow. Now we have this set of rules. To be fair they are voluntary -for now.

There is no need for it whatsoever. I find myself reminded of those kiss-arse children I was incarcerated at school with. Do you know that at one point they took at petition to the headmaster asking for the uniform rules to be enforced? And had the nerve to call me immature for sneering at them! Why in God's name would anyone campaign to have one of their meagre freedoms taken away?

As time goes by I start to relate to those Americans that live in shacks in the mountains with 526 rifles and mistrust the government.


If you don't want to read me, then fuck off! Now that is a code of conduct.

Cheerio

Something Else We're Not Allowed To Do......

If you fancy dressing up as Charlie Chaplin just be careful where you do it.

A Quick Chuckle

Well it made me hoot.

Tony Blair Is Scared Of Me!

Hello,
I was somewhat surprised to be greeted by a baying mob on leaving the house this afternoon. Never one to flee from trouble I collared one of them to ask what the meaning of this extraordinary outburst was. You will imagine my surprise and delight when the chap advised me that they were waiting for 'that cunt Blair' who had dropped in to the City Halls.

Well I have always wanted to give Tony Blair a piece of my mind, so I abandoned my plans and waited and waited and waited. I noted that the assembled crowd seemed to be quite competitive about how much they each hate Blair. It was wonderful, people were purple with rage about a whole range of issues. Truly there was something for everyone, well apart from Blair fans.

Anyway it transpired that Tony had to sneak out of another exit because the crowd had got so irate. Ha ha ha! Ten years ago he would have been out grinning at us in his usual obsequious manner, now he's forced to flee like a common criminal.

Still his visit to Glasgow isn't over yet, let's hope he hasn't seen the last of the angry mob.

Cheers