Dereliction Of Duty

It occurs to me that I haven't posted anything rude about a politician for ages. I can only apologise to my elected chums and trust none of them are feeling too neglected.

First up the Tories have irritated me. It's just like the 80's again. As you'll all be aware Thatcher popped round to Gordon Brown's pad for tea and crumpets or to noise up David Cameron depending on your view. Anyway a few of the Tories have got all huffy and upset about it, claiming that she's a frail and lonely old lady and is being exploited. Have they seen her lately? She looks more terrifying than ever. In any case in the unlikely event she and Cameron were to have a bare knuckle boxing contest I know where my money would be going.

That being their opinion I wonder how many of them pop in to visit or give her a ring to see if she wants any shopping done? Not many because they all keep their distance depending on how much of a liability they see her as having consulted with umpteen focus groups. If I were her I'd join Respect to really mess with their minds.

Obviously the government have upset me, I believe it was one of those pledges they kept banging on about. Apparently 24 hour licencing has got to go because some people are too bloody stupid to go to the pub without making a nuisance of themselves. Naturally this has got the puritans creaming their drawers with excitement.

Rather than restrict opening hours could they not try something like policing the town centres at peak times. They started doing it Glasgow a while back and fuck me violent crime at the weekend fell by 13%! It's almost as if the police were acting as some sort of deterrent. In addition to the visible and surprisingly civilized and good natured police presence they have fellows in fluorescent jackets who keep the taxi queue moving in an orderly fashion and direct folk to buses etc.

If the government place us all under house arrest at any point in the next ten years I will not raise an eyebrow. More seriously why can't they just leave us alone. Stop smoking, lose weight, stop drinking. For God's sake it's like living with my mother.

Has anyone looked into the effects of all this nagging on the population? Maybe all the stress they're putting us under is causing everyone to reach for the bottle. At times they make me want to smoke crack and bite folk.

Why can't they accept that human nature cannot be perfected by legislation? Look at the smoking ban. The only difference in my habits is that I sit outside at the pub and talk to all the interesting folk, leaving all the lemon suckers inside. Life expectancy in the U.K is longer than it's ever been. Why the sudden hysteria about self inflicted premature death?

I live in a town centre so I'm no stranger to the problems caused by drunken halfwits but I also know that the majority of people are able to go out for a few pints without causing mayhem. I am merely suggesting that they leave the rest of us alone and arrest the idiots. Honestly they're worse than those teachers that punish entire classes for the 'crimes' of an individual.



David Duff said...

The simplest and cheapest way to police pubs/clubs is to have an under-cover video team outside filming the customers as they leave. If a licensee is in the habit of allowing his customers to get totally tanked before pushing them out of the doors for the rest of us to suffer the ill-effects, whilst he goes back in to count the takings, the film should be shown to the licensing authority and he should be shut down for a night - as a warning. Any subsequent infringements and the closure should increase to two nights, a weekend, a week and so on. Hit the publicans in the purse and you will be amazed at how quickly they police their own customers!

Jim said...

Interesting point David. I was at a meeting of licensees last night and they countered that by saying that people are spending longer at home drinking cheep booze before going out. They then appear at the pub looking ok, but 2 or 3 drinks later and they are over the edge and the publicans get the blame. It was a valid point I think.

David Duff said...

A good publican should be able to spot the condition his customers are in when they arrive, or at least very shortly there-after, and take the appropriate action. If he is seen expelling customers *before* closing time that can be taken into account at the Licensing Authority meeting.

Clairwil said...

I'm certainly not against holding publicans liable, though the person at the bar buying the drinks might be perfectly sober but their sitting outside or in a carner may not be so it's not always easy to see who's had enough.

The Scottish government are looking at increasing the fees for late opening licences to pay for additional policing, which isn't a bad idea but one that could be better targetted, in my experience the worst time in the city centre is after the pubs close at 12pm. Perhaps staggering chucking out time with best behaved pubs getting the most flexible licences would work better.

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