Hello,
Hard on the heels of my drunken episode comes news of Mr Clairwil going off the rails. He didn't even have the excuse of the demon drink which allows me to retain the moral high ground, though in his defence he was trying to 'rehabilitate' a junkie thief.
The sad thing is the junkie in question was almost quite decent in that he used to fund his habit by servicing chaps in various gay cruising spots in Glasgow. There was no need for him to turn to theft. I can only assume he did so out of selfishness, a disapproval of prostitution being somewhat absurd under the circumstances.
The facts of the matter are as follows, he was strolling along when he glanced in a shop window only to spot a junkie who had stolen a large amount of stock from his old shop. Incredibly the junkie actually seemed to have a job in the shop, which raised Mr Clairwil's hopes of getting his money back- he's a clever man but there are times when his naivety astonishes me. The poor soul doesn't realise that shame has been abolished and that far from being embarrassed the thief will perceive himself as the victim.
If only I'd been there. The whole reason people choose to addict themselves to smack is to absolve themselves of responsibility for their own lives, so there was and is no way he was ever going to be paid back. To the junkie it isn't his fault he steals, he's a helpless addict after all, instead he steals because the rest of us are wicked enough to own anything that isn't nailed down. Honestly I've no patience with junkies I've never met one that didn't turn into a bastard and I include two former friends in that both of whom I'd have gladly lain down my life for prior to their addiction. I had no hesitation in dropping them like hot bricks when they began to regard everyone around them as little more than a source of cash.
Which is why headbutting the creature was futile. Not to mention a silly thing to do in front of witnesses. More so when the witnesses sprang into action and sat on Mr Clairwil, refusing to let him go until he promised not to hit anyone. On reflection it's as well I wasn't there or I'd have started biting folk Tyson style. No one sits on Mr Clairwil on my watch.
That isn't the worst of it, while the staff were sat on Mr Clairwil one of them scratched him. Isn't that appalling! I don't know who is responsible, so I'm forced to punish the whole shop and so a vendetta is born.
Cheerio
Showing posts with label incidents. Show all posts
Showing posts with label incidents. Show all posts
12/18/2007
10/11/2007
2000 Chickens on the Loose!
Hello,
I love chickens. They cluck, peck, hop and have feathers what's not to love? So imagine my delight when news reached my ears of two thousand of the birds loose on the motorway. Hurrah!
The lorry carrying the chickens jack-knifed, their cages burst and the birds made a bold bid for freedom. Unfortunately the authorities got involved and spoiled things as per bloody usual. The poor chickens were having a whale of a time racing about until some grassing bore called the police.
Then it all gets utterly predictable, the police brought in specialist chicken handlers and vets, the chickens were rounded up and the motorway was restored to a concrete stretch of ill tempered drivers sweating to Radio 2.
Obviously if I were in charge I would have allowed the chickens to take it over. They're animals and though wonderful are not terribly bright. The drivers claim to be human and though I have my suspicions there is no evidence to suggest otherwise, surely they could have found alternative routes and left the chickens alone. The chickens were not to blame -why should they be penalised?
Cheerio
I love chickens. They cluck, peck, hop and have feathers what's not to love? So imagine my delight when news reached my ears of two thousand of the birds loose on the motorway. Hurrah!
The lorry carrying the chickens jack-knifed, their cages burst and the birds made a bold bid for freedom. Unfortunately the authorities got involved and spoiled things as per bloody usual. The poor chickens were having a whale of a time racing about until some grassing bore called the police.
Then it all gets utterly predictable, the police brought in specialist chicken handlers and vets, the chickens were rounded up and the motorway was restored to a concrete stretch of ill tempered drivers sweating to Radio 2.
Obviously if I were in charge I would have allowed the chickens to take it over. They're animals and though wonderful are not terribly bright. The drivers claim to be human and though I have my suspicions there is no evidence to suggest otherwise, surely they could have found alternative routes and left the chickens alone. The chickens were not to blame -why should they be penalised?
Cheerio
9/24/2007
Traumatised
Hello,
As some of you may be aware 'The Merchant City Festival' was in full swing this weekend. As a resident I'm a bit ambivalent about the whole thing. The local shops have done a roaring trade and not just the wank boutiques but paper shops and the like, we've had a street market and opera singers at the back of the close. All of which please me.
However as with all things there is a terrible, terrible downside. Every single arsehole in Glasgow has descended on the place, all weekend I've had to repress the urge to take to the streets with a loudhailer screaming 'get back to the west end cunts'. Some truly appalling music has been played live by various folk who'd be better off as accountants and worst of all I was attacked!
I was strolling along Ingram Street minding my own business when I was cornered by two chaps dressed as dogs, who proceeded to bark loudly and sniff bits of me that should be left undisturbed in public. Black affronted does not even begin to cover it. Naturally I put on my 'good sport' face but I wanted to kill them. A small crowd gathered to point and hoot at this blatant sexual assault as if what was happening was not already embarrassing enough. As you know I'm not one to point fingers but the pair of beasts have the nerve to bill themselves as 'suitable for children' -they ought to be lynched.
As a direct result of this I've been having one of my turns all evening. Nerves as per bloody usual. I expect the drama students in dog costumes have been smugging all night about making the public part of the performance. I hope they are murdered in their beds.
Cheerio
As some of you may be aware 'The Merchant City Festival' was in full swing this weekend. As a resident I'm a bit ambivalent about the whole thing. The local shops have done a roaring trade and not just the wank boutiques but paper shops and the like, we've had a street market and opera singers at the back of the close. All of which please me.
However as with all things there is a terrible, terrible downside. Every single arsehole in Glasgow has descended on the place, all weekend I've had to repress the urge to take to the streets with a loudhailer screaming 'get back to the west end cunts'. Some truly appalling music has been played live by various folk who'd be better off as accountants and worst of all I was attacked!
I was strolling along Ingram Street minding my own business when I was cornered by two chaps dressed as dogs, who proceeded to bark loudly and sniff bits of me that should be left undisturbed in public. Black affronted does not even begin to cover it. Naturally I put on my 'good sport' face but I wanted to kill them. A small crowd gathered to point and hoot at this blatant sexual assault as if what was happening was not already embarrassing enough. As you know I'm not one to point fingers but the pair of beasts have the nerve to bill themselves as 'suitable for children' -they ought to be lynched.
As a direct result of this I've been having one of my turns all evening. Nerves as per bloody usual. I expect the drama students in dog costumes have been smugging all night about making the public part of the performance. I hope they are murdered in their beds.
Cheerio
8/09/2007
Turn That Bloody Racket Off!
Hello,
I see Elton John has demanded that the internet be turned off for five years. Can that be done? Where is the internet kept? Who looks after it? We should of course bear in mind that Elton John once phoned a hotel reception in a temper and told them to turn down the weather so it is possible he's misunderstood the whole thing a bit.
Naturally I'm opposed to this wicked plan. I prefer the internet to the telly these days. Telly reminds me that I am alone in the universe, the internet allows me to pretend I'm not. My whole life I've been haunted by the feeling that all the people like me are off elsewhere doing interesting stuff whilst I'm surrounded by people who humour me or irritate me.
I'm off out on Friday night on some sort of work 'teambuilding' night out in an appalling tapas bar. Why they can't just accept that we all hate each other and leave us in peace I'll never know. What is the sodding point? What do I have to say to a load of mums who reek of antiseptic and talk about their bowels all the time? Well plenty actually but they'd all start making the gasp of outrage possibly worse than the one they do when they see something that displeases them on GMTV so I'll be sitting in silence watching the clock and dreaming up excuses to leave early.
With any luck one of them will drink a glass of wine and do something outrageous, though I fear it will the the usual tuts of disapproval if I order a pint. Worse still they'll insist we share our dishes. I fucking hate sharing. I cannot bear it. Every time we go out it's the same. I look at the menu and decide what I want whereas they all flap about whining 'what are you having' so that they can co-ordinate, then treat me like an anti-social freak for my perfectly reasonable desire to eat without them sticking their dirty forks in my food. I wouldn't mind but these are people who change the sheets immediately after sex and carry wet wipes at all times yet they're quite happy to stick their bloody germs in my dinner. I should stress I'm not germ phobic but I refuse to eat off the same plate as anyone I wouldn't sleep with.
Oh God I'm on a roll now. The list of things they do that annoy me is too long to deal with in detail but as this is food related I'll throw it in. Every single day in work they ask me what I'm having for lunch or if I happen to be eating it at the time the lean over and look at it before questioning me as to exactly what's in my sandwich. For six months I ate cheese sandwiches because it was easier to explain than houmous. I don't know why but I feel very agressive when questioned about my lunch. Always have, even as a child. What gets me hopping mad is when they ask what I'm having then get the same thing and tell everyone that they bought it because Clairwil was having it and it looked nice.
Right I must end now I feel a rant about their stupid fake allergies coming on and if I start I won't stop.
Cheers
I see Elton John has demanded that the internet be turned off for five years. Can that be done? Where is the internet kept? Who looks after it? We should of course bear in mind that Elton John once phoned a hotel reception in a temper and told them to turn down the weather so it is possible he's misunderstood the whole thing a bit.
Naturally I'm opposed to this wicked plan. I prefer the internet to the telly these days. Telly reminds me that I am alone in the universe, the internet allows me to pretend I'm not. My whole life I've been haunted by the feeling that all the people like me are off elsewhere doing interesting stuff whilst I'm surrounded by people who humour me or irritate me.
I'm off out on Friday night on some sort of work 'teambuilding' night out in an appalling tapas bar. Why they can't just accept that we all hate each other and leave us in peace I'll never know. What is the sodding point? What do I have to say to a load of mums who reek of antiseptic and talk about their bowels all the time? Well plenty actually but they'd all start making the gasp of outrage possibly worse than the one they do when they see something that displeases them on GMTV so I'll be sitting in silence watching the clock and dreaming up excuses to leave early.
With any luck one of them will drink a glass of wine and do something outrageous, though I fear it will the the usual tuts of disapproval if I order a pint. Worse still they'll insist we share our dishes. I fucking hate sharing. I cannot bear it. Every time we go out it's the same. I look at the menu and decide what I want whereas they all flap about whining 'what are you having' so that they can co-ordinate, then treat me like an anti-social freak for my perfectly reasonable desire to eat without them sticking their dirty forks in my food. I wouldn't mind but these are people who change the sheets immediately after sex and carry wet wipes at all times yet they're quite happy to stick their bloody germs in my dinner. I should stress I'm not germ phobic but I refuse to eat off the same plate as anyone I wouldn't sleep with.
Oh God I'm on a roll now. The list of things they do that annoy me is too long to deal with in detail but as this is food related I'll throw it in. Every single day in work they ask me what I'm having for lunch or if I happen to be eating it at the time the lean over and look at it before questioning me as to exactly what's in my sandwich. For six months I ate cheese sandwiches because it was easier to explain than houmous. I don't know why but I feel very agressive when questioned about my lunch. Always have, even as a child. What gets me hopping mad is when they ask what I'm having then get the same thing and tell everyone that they bought it because Clairwil was having it and it looked nice.
Right I must end now I feel a rant about their stupid fake allergies coming on and if I start I won't stop.
Cheers
7/01/2007
Terror Attacks Cause Outbreak Of Drivel On The Web!
Hello,
I have been following the coverage of the terror attack at Glasgow Airport with some interest. Against my better judgement I took a trip over to the BBC news 'Have Your Say' bit. Oh Lord! There are times when I think free speech is a terrible error. Then I think again and conclude that if everyone else is going to talk total nonsense who am I to swim against the tide?
First up we have people attempting to get to the root cause of why the airport was attacked. Quite frankly I think someone in authority should take these 'experts' at their word and send them to Guantanamo Bay for having a suspicious level of insider knowledge. I realise that's a bit unfair given that they're talking frightful rot but it's better than them being allowed to air their views and mislead impressionable children and other vulnerable people.
A popular explanation is of course the Iraq War. Quite why someone who felt that way would attack a country which has just elected a devolved government that are vocal opponents of the Iraq war is not explained or I suspect given any consideration. Something of an own goal for the terrorists there I'd have thought, if they were in a tizzy about Iraq.
Whilst I believe that situations like the Iraq War and so on don't do recruitment to terrorist organisations any harm at all they are not the root cause of Islamist terror. There are times when I'm tempted to start supporting the war in Iraq to distance myself from 'Iraq bores'. Honestly if I were to mention that the telly was a bit dull last night I wouldn't be surprised if someone responded well of course what do you expect when we've killed all those poor Iraqis.
There are loads of folk with solutions to the problem. Like ID cards. Saints preserve us. Asylum Seekers are presently obliged to carry ID cards and it doesn't appear to have had much bearing on terrorism prevention in the UK. In any case, is someone mad enough to set fire to themselves likely to be deterred by someone knowing who they are? I cannot see many future terror plots being abandoned with the words 'drat those infidels and their ID cards'.
The deport everyone brigade are out in full. Quite how this would sort out homegrown terrorists is unclear. What do they expect the government to do? Approach some Muslim country and explain 'we're having a spot of trouble with some Islamist terrorists and we thought with you being Muslims you wouldn't mind importing a selection of violent British nutters'. Somehow I can't see that one working. If someone who isn't British presents a threat to public safety then jail them and boot them out and the end of their sentence however it's not going to eliminate the threat.
Then we have some tosser moaning about Alex Salmond making a statement. Good Lord the way that Salmond carries on you'd think he was First Minister and Scotland had been attacked! That's all we need an uppity Scot getting narked and sticking his beak into matters that don't concern him. He'll only get it wrong and break things.
I think my favourite comment was by 'Claire'. 'I am 22 years old and should not feel unsafe in my own country'. What does being 22 have to do with it you bloody fool? Why she didn't just write 'I am a pampered halfwit who descends into a footstamping hissy fit each time the world shows itself to be less than perfect' and have done with it I don't know. Six months in Iraq would sort her out. As if being 22 grants one the right to special protection!
An improbably named gentleman, one 'Mr Buttomungous' claims to have seen four chaps acting suspiciously in a Silver Mercedes last autumn. However he didn't report this or anything sensible like that in case someone thought he was a racist. I think that is quite the silliest thing ever said by any human being anywhere. Why would anyone publicly confess to finding the though of an accusation of racism as being worse than failure to report a potential terrorist attack?
Mind you abuse of the right of free speech is nothing to the abuse of the English language on that board. It's a well known fact that English is the worlds greatest language, I myself refuse to speak any other, even when overseas. I rather fancy the foreigners enjoy the challenge, in any case I always get my egg and chips. To return to the BBC website, if I find people communicating with grunts and fire in the next couple of hours I won't raise so much as an eyebrow in surprise. Instead I shall draw some stick men and jump up and down.
Finally would you all think less of me if I confess to feeling a warm glow at living in a city with citizens mad and heroic enough to punch out a psyched up burning terrorist? The only thing that would have made me happier would be if they'd beaten him with Irn Bru bottles pausing only to light a fag off the flames.
Cheerio
I have been following the coverage of the terror attack at Glasgow Airport with some interest. Against my better judgement I took a trip over to the BBC news 'Have Your Say' bit. Oh Lord! There are times when I think free speech is a terrible error. Then I think again and conclude that if everyone else is going to talk total nonsense who am I to swim against the tide?
First up we have people attempting to get to the root cause of why the airport was attacked. Quite frankly I think someone in authority should take these 'experts' at their word and send them to Guantanamo Bay for having a suspicious level of insider knowledge. I realise that's a bit unfair given that they're talking frightful rot but it's better than them being allowed to air their views and mislead impressionable children and other vulnerable people.
A popular explanation is of course the Iraq War. Quite why someone who felt that way would attack a country which has just elected a devolved government that are vocal opponents of the Iraq war is not explained or I suspect given any consideration. Something of an own goal for the terrorists there I'd have thought, if they were in a tizzy about Iraq.
Whilst I believe that situations like the Iraq War and so on don't do recruitment to terrorist organisations any harm at all they are not the root cause of Islamist terror. There are times when I'm tempted to start supporting the war in Iraq to distance myself from 'Iraq bores'. Honestly if I were to mention that the telly was a bit dull last night I wouldn't be surprised if someone responded well of course what do you expect when we've killed all those poor Iraqis.
There are loads of folk with solutions to the problem. Like ID cards. Saints preserve us. Asylum Seekers are presently obliged to carry ID cards and it doesn't appear to have had much bearing on terrorism prevention in the UK. In any case, is someone mad enough to set fire to themselves likely to be deterred by someone knowing who they are? I cannot see many future terror plots being abandoned with the words 'drat those infidels and their ID cards'.
The deport everyone brigade are out in full. Quite how this would sort out homegrown terrorists is unclear. What do they expect the government to do? Approach some Muslim country and explain 'we're having a spot of trouble with some Islamist terrorists and we thought with you being Muslims you wouldn't mind importing a selection of violent British nutters'. Somehow I can't see that one working. If someone who isn't British presents a threat to public safety then jail them and boot them out and the end of their sentence however it's not going to eliminate the threat.
Then we have some tosser moaning about Alex Salmond making a statement. Good Lord the way that Salmond carries on you'd think he was First Minister and Scotland had been attacked! That's all we need an uppity Scot getting narked and sticking his beak into matters that don't concern him. He'll only get it wrong and break things.
I think my favourite comment was by 'Claire'. 'I am 22 years old and should not feel unsafe in my own country'. What does being 22 have to do with it you bloody fool? Why she didn't just write 'I am a pampered halfwit who descends into a footstamping hissy fit each time the world shows itself to be less than perfect' and have done with it I don't know. Six months in Iraq would sort her out. As if being 22 grants one the right to special protection!
An improbably named gentleman, one 'Mr Buttomungous' claims to have seen four chaps acting suspiciously in a Silver Mercedes last autumn. However he didn't report this or anything sensible like that in case someone thought he was a racist. I think that is quite the silliest thing ever said by any human being anywhere. Why would anyone publicly confess to finding the though of an accusation of racism as being worse than failure to report a potential terrorist attack?
Mind you abuse of the right of free speech is nothing to the abuse of the English language on that board. It's a well known fact that English is the worlds greatest language, I myself refuse to speak any other, even when overseas. I rather fancy the foreigners enjoy the challenge, in any case I always get my egg and chips. To return to the BBC website, if I find people communicating with grunts and fire in the next couple of hours I won't raise so much as an eyebrow in surprise. Instead I shall draw some stick men and jump up and down.
Finally would you all think less of me if I confess to feeling a warm glow at living in a city with citizens mad and heroic enough to punch out a psyched up burning terrorist? The only thing that would have made me happier would be if they'd beaten him with Irn Bru bottles pausing only to light a fag off the flames.
Cheerio
6/10/2007
I am a Bingo champion!
Hello,
I've taken up online bingo and I'm pleased to report I'm rather good at it. In the last two days I've won a total of £135, it would have been more but I had to share a prize! Oh and before some soggy flannel starts, this all came from one £5 deposit and a free tenner and being a responsible gambler I have removed my winnings and deposit from my account, so I am in effect gambling on their money. People should admire me.
In a surprising turn of events earlier in the week I was advised that I have someone 'very interesting' from the 'spirit world' behind me. Unfortunately, although I am more spiritually evolved that you peasants, at this stage in my development I'm not allowed to know who it is. I hope it's Oscar Wilde but worry that it might be Hitler. I'd hate to be followed by Hitler. Quite apart from his disgraceful behaviour , he doesn't strike one as having much of a sense of humour and then there's all that guilt by association stuff to consider. I was told this by a real psychic quite out the blue. One minute I was rummaging through my handbag, the next I was wide eyed in astonishment.
Apparently there are 144 souls alive and dead in my 'soul group'. I reckon I've encountered two of them in my life so far (including the dead one that's following me) so that leaves 142 of my chums to track down, but how? I reckon the psychic was angling to be in my gang which I feel is understandable but misguided. The question for me is how do I track down the other 142. Naturally I will use all my usual methods, classified adverts, ouija boards and the like but does anyone have any ideas? I intend to devote 12 months to this mission and will be publishing the results in book form.
Anyway it's a warm night, I've got the windows open and 'Ragdoll Maggie' is downstairs belting out show tunes. I've never been gladder I'm alive.
Cheerio
I've taken up online bingo and I'm pleased to report I'm rather good at it. In the last two days I've won a total of £135, it would have been more but I had to share a prize! Oh and before some soggy flannel starts, this all came from one £5 deposit and a free tenner and being a responsible gambler I have removed my winnings and deposit from my account, so I am in effect gambling on their money. People should admire me.
In a surprising turn of events earlier in the week I was advised that I have someone 'very interesting' from the 'spirit world' behind me. Unfortunately, although I am more spiritually evolved that you peasants, at this stage in my development I'm not allowed to know who it is. I hope it's Oscar Wilde but worry that it might be Hitler. I'd hate to be followed by Hitler. Quite apart from his disgraceful behaviour , he doesn't strike one as having much of a sense of humour and then there's all that guilt by association stuff to consider. I was told this by a real psychic quite out the blue. One minute I was rummaging through my handbag, the next I was wide eyed in astonishment.
Apparently there are 144 souls alive and dead in my 'soul group'. I reckon I've encountered two of them in my life so far (including the dead one that's following me) so that leaves 142 of my chums to track down, but how? I reckon the psychic was angling to be in my gang which I feel is understandable but misguided. The question for me is how do I track down the other 142. Naturally I will use all my usual methods, classified adverts, ouija boards and the like but does anyone have any ideas? I intend to devote 12 months to this mission and will be publishing the results in book form.
Anyway it's a warm night, I've got the windows open and 'Ragdoll Maggie' is downstairs belting out show tunes. I've never been gladder I'm alive.
Cheerio
5/06/2007
Hey Busybodies Leave Those Weans Alone.
Hello,
The next person who smugly proclaims that the parents of the abducted infant Madeleine McCann or 'Maddy' as she is presumptuously being called by the press, are to blame is getting a sore face. The last time I checked the holiday resorts of Portugal were not war zones. It seems to me perfectly reasonable to leave a child in a nearby room to eat one's dinner in peace.
In truth, I really pity the modern child. I spent most of my childhood wishing my parents would get out my face. Yet by modern standards I was neglected, spending my summers wandering about 'the field' or down the park playing football with the lads. I was also fond of camping expeditions in various neighbours gardens. Similarly snowy winters were spent hurling snowballs and sledging down 'the cliff' (now a steep set of stairs in hideous Barratt scheme). Worse than that, around the age of eight I was deemed capable of walking to school alone and since six was only walked halfway.
To which some smartarse will no doubt hold me up as an example of the pitfalls of lax parenting. All I can say is that my parents aren't to blame for me, my brother has turned out well, I'm just a genetic throwback to some earlier horror. I am a mess of my own making and in that is my defence of a balanced approach. Better to be a disaster that takes responsibility for their own mistakes than one that needs babying well into adulthood. Taking a doing for a dirty tackle when mummy is too far away to run to is a good lesson in life. One that the X-Box ruined child who must be watched is being deprived of.
Strolling in the direction of the point. It seems clear to me that there is a choice before us. We can either succumb to the fear and paranoia or we can get on with the task of decent commonsense child rearing. That means letting them off the leash from time to time, not the harsh, judgemental, parental eyes scorching their skin 24 hours a day. From the moment we are conceived we are at risk of abortion, miscarriage, still birth, accident, fatal illness and murder. Let's just concentrate on making the time children have enjoyable, whatever moral and legal right to life they may have, human evil, brutality and perversity can appear at anytime. Better to jail the perpetrator after the act than stunt whole generation for their own good, on the off chance.
Failing that do not breed and get a cat. Or become a maiden aunt as I will be, God willing, from November.
Cheerio
The next person who smugly proclaims that the parents of the abducted infant Madeleine McCann or 'Maddy' as she is presumptuously being called by the press, are to blame is getting a sore face. The last time I checked the holiday resorts of Portugal were not war zones. It seems to me perfectly reasonable to leave a child in a nearby room to eat one's dinner in peace.
In truth, I really pity the modern child. I spent most of my childhood wishing my parents would get out my face. Yet by modern standards I was neglected, spending my summers wandering about 'the field' or down the park playing football with the lads. I was also fond of camping expeditions in various neighbours gardens. Similarly snowy winters were spent hurling snowballs and sledging down 'the cliff' (now a steep set of stairs in hideous Barratt scheme). Worse than that, around the age of eight I was deemed capable of walking to school alone and since six was only walked halfway.
To which some smartarse will no doubt hold me up as an example of the pitfalls of lax parenting. All I can say is that my parents aren't to blame for me, my brother has turned out well, I'm just a genetic throwback to some earlier horror. I am a mess of my own making and in that is my defence of a balanced approach. Better to be a disaster that takes responsibility for their own mistakes than one that needs babying well into adulthood. Taking a doing for a dirty tackle when mummy is too far away to run to is a good lesson in life. One that the X-Box ruined child who must be watched is being deprived of.
Strolling in the direction of the point. It seems clear to me that there is a choice before us. We can either succumb to the fear and paranoia or we can get on with the task of decent commonsense child rearing. That means letting them off the leash from time to time, not the harsh, judgemental, parental eyes scorching their skin 24 hours a day. From the moment we are conceived we are at risk of abortion, miscarriage, still birth, accident, fatal illness and murder. Let's just concentrate on making the time children have enjoyable, whatever moral and legal right to life they may have, human evil, brutality and perversity can appear at anytime. Better to jail the perpetrator after the act than stunt whole generation for their own good, on the off chance.
Failing that do not breed and get a cat. Or become a maiden aunt as I will be, God willing, from November.
Cheerio
4/08/2007
Something Else We're Not Allowed To Do......
If you fancy dressing up as Charlie Chaplin just be careful where you do it.
4/07/2007
The Internet Hates Me
Hello,
Following on from my earlier post about the horror involved in trying to set up a website. I'm still stuck. Some of the clever types below have asked me for more information! Ha! they don't realise quite what a dunce they're dealing with. Anyway here is my version of events. Can anyone shed any light on this catastrophe?
I purchased a website regarding popular skin conditions on ebay with the aim of polluting the internet with with yet another advertising site. This website reckons it's ready to go for adsense and that all one has to do is insert their adsense ID and then publish. Oh they made it sound so bloody easy and I'm sure it is for other people.
I downloaded it and opened it using WinRAR. All the templates opened in Firefox after I'd unzipped them. I didn't ask them to, it just happened. Also supplied with the programme was a search and replace tool. The instructions said that I should type in my adsense code, hit search and replace and that would be the editing done. It didn't work and kept saying that the code I wished to replace didn't exist! But it did because I've seen it!
As the files kept opening as the finished article rather than html. I used the view source option and copied the template into notepad. This then allowed me to replace the relevant bit of code by hand not using the fucking tool.
For my next trick I then tried to upload the files to my website. Oh sweet Jesus! Why did I bother? I followed the instructions in windows which seem simple but are a wicked trick. The only option I'm given is to upload to MSN groups. Nowhere else. Who in their right mind wants to only send things to MSN? Why can't I add my webhost?
So I went to my control panel. Noted their template editor was useless unless you just want to pick one of their templates, so I installed Joomla. Why Joomla? I don't know I just liked the name. Joomla is a cunt. Every time I try and upload the templates I get an error message. It has thus far allowed me to upload a banner with no problem, then turned against me. It did allow me to copy and paste a page of code in but it came out all wrong!
I realise that I am at fault here. I just can't understand where I went wrong. I'm not great with computers but this is absurd. I thought templates would make life easier.
Cheerio
Following on from my earlier post about the horror involved in trying to set up a website. I'm still stuck. Some of the clever types below have asked me for more information! Ha! they don't realise quite what a dunce they're dealing with. Anyway here is my version of events. Can anyone shed any light on this catastrophe?
I purchased a website regarding popular skin conditions on ebay with the aim of polluting the internet with with yet another advertising site. This website reckons it's ready to go for adsense and that all one has to do is insert their adsense ID and then publish. Oh they made it sound so bloody easy and I'm sure it is for other people.
I downloaded it and opened it using WinRAR. All the templates opened in Firefox after I'd unzipped them. I didn't ask them to, it just happened. Also supplied with the programme was a search and replace tool. The instructions said that I should type in my adsense code, hit search and replace and that would be the editing done. It didn't work and kept saying that the code I wished to replace didn't exist! But it did because I've seen it!
As the files kept opening as the finished article rather than html. I used the view source option and copied the template into notepad. This then allowed me to replace the relevant bit of code by hand not using the fucking tool.
For my next trick I then tried to upload the files to my website. Oh sweet Jesus! Why did I bother? I followed the instructions in windows which seem simple but are a wicked trick. The only option I'm given is to upload to MSN groups. Nowhere else. Who in their right mind wants to only send things to MSN? Why can't I add my webhost?
So I went to my control panel. Noted their template editor was useless unless you just want to pick one of their templates, so I installed Joomla. Why Joomla? I don't know I just liked the name. Joomla is a cunt. Every time I try and upload the templates I get an error message. It has thus far allowed me to upload a banner with no problem, then turned against me. It did allow me to copy and paste a page of code in but it came out all wrong!
I realise that I am at fault here. I just can't understand where I went wrong. I'm not great with computers but this is absurd. I thought templates would make life easier.
Cheerio
3/04/2007
Ann Coulter
Hello,
I don't think I've ever posted about Ann Coulter before. This is mainly because the woman and her opinions are a matter of supreme indifference to me. I just don't get why people go pissing their drawers about her, it's controversy by numbers. I could do it standing on my head. I know her secrets and they do not interest me. People, your buttons are being pushed. Ignore her and she'll go away. That's the thing with big gobs, they get tired and there's always a queue to replace them.
Anyway I note she's in trouble for calling John Edwards a faggot. Part of me wants to applaud her for doing a bit of taboo trashing, another part of me wants to slap her, the rest of me just shrugs. Oh come on, do any gays really wonder, after an exhausting round of ungodly shagging, if Ann Coulter will love them in the morning? I suspect not and any that do really are deviants.
The one thing that does intrigue me about her is -why are her hands so big? OK, I lied there is more that interests me. Why does she have an Adam's apple? Is she hiding her candy or did she have the lot off? If she's gone for the works does she ever have trouble with pubes growing up her fake snatch? What I'm trying to say is, did she used to be a man or does she just have horse genes?
My name is Clairwil and I am addicted to trivia.
Cheerio
I don't think I've ever posted about Ann Coulter before. This is mainly because the woman and her opinions are a matter of supreme indifference to me. I just don't get why people go pissing their drawers about her, it's controversy by numbers. I could do it standing on my head. I know her secrets and they do not interest me. People, your buttons are being pushed. Ignore her and she'll go away. That's the thing with big gobs, they get tired and there's always a queue to replace them.
Anyway I note she's in trouble for calling John Edwards a faggot. Part of me wants to applaud her for doing a bit of taboo trashing, another part of me wants to slap her, the rest of me just shrugs. Oh come on, do any gays really wonder, after an exhausting round of ungodly shagging, if Ann Coulter will love them in the morning? I suspect not and any that do really are deviants.
The one thing that does intrigue me about her is -why are her hands so big? OK, I lied there is more that interests me. Why does she have an Adam's apple? Is she hiding her candy or did she have the lot off? If she's gone for the works does she ever have trouble with pubes growing up her fake snatch? What I'm trying to say is, did she used to be a man or does she just have horse genes?
My name is Clairwil and I am addicted to trivia.
Cheerio
2/23/2007
A Peculiar Experience
Hello,
I have just had what I think I can say without fear of contradiction was a most unusual experience. I was minding my own business, when I was stopped by a very pleasant lady of advanced years who asked if she could tell me something very important.
Naturally I was intrigued as waited with baited breath for this important thing. Nothing could have prepared me for what followed. Nothing! The lady who I shall call Mary said that she'd been looking at me when the Lord told her to go and speak to me. Well you could have knocked me down with a feather! Anyway it transpires that God thinks I'm a very special person and is very upset to see me so sad, he's not bothered that I'm not a Christian because I'm very kind, he also said that I should leave my troubles at the foot of the cross and he'll sort them. Oh and he also said that I'm very gracious, talented, generous and intelligent. So you lot will all have to start treating me with a bit of respect otherwise you'll all end up roasting on the hob of hell. Jesus also gave Mary a few things to pass on to me and seems to be in total agreement with his dad.
Obviously I was flattered but I must confess to becoming a bit suspicious and started to worry that this might be a trap to lure me into church. However Mary didn't ask for a thing, not money, my presence at church, a cup of tea, my shoes -nothing. I was never the most certain of atheists, so as you can imagine I'm a bit spooked, though it has cheered me right up. I did wonder if Mary might be unwell, but she seemed perfectly normal. What can it all mean? Why me? What should I do?
Has this sort of thing happened to anyone else?
I have just had what I think I can say without fear of contradiction was a most unusual experience. I was minding my own business, when I was stopped by a very pleasant lady of advanced years who asked if she could tell me something very important.
Naturally I was intrigued as waited with baited breath for this important thing. Nothing could have prepared me for what followed. Nothing! The lady who I shall call Mary said that she'd been looking at me when the Lord told her to go and speak to me. Well you could have knocked me down with a feather! Anyway it transpires that God thinks I'm a very special person and is very upset to see me so sad, he's not bothered that I'm not a Christian because I'm very kind, he also said that I should leave my troubles at the foot of the cross and he'll sort them. Oh and he also said that I'm very gracious, talented, generous and intelligent. So you lot will all have to start treating me with a bit of respect otherwise you'll all end up roasting on the hob of hell. Jesus also gave Mary a few things to pass on to me and seems to be in total agreement with his dad.
Obviously I was flattered but I must confess to becoming a bit suspicious and started to worry that this might be a trap to lure me into church. However Mary didn't ask for a thing, not money, my presence at church, a cup of tea, my shoes -nothing. I was never the most certain of atheists, so as you can imagine I'm a bit spooked, though it has cheered me right up. I did wonder if Mary might be unwell, but she seemed perfectly normal. What can it all mean? Why me? What should I do?
Has this sort of thing happened to anyone else?
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