6/10/2007

I am a Bingo champion!

Hello,
I've taken up online bingo and I'm pleased to report I'm rather good at it. In the last two days I've won a total of £135, it would have been more but I had to share a prize! Oh and before some soggy flannel starts, this all came from one £5 deposit and a free tenner and being a responsible gambler I have removed my winnings and deposit from my account, so I am in effect gambling on their money. People should admire me.

In a surprising turn of events earlier in the week I was advised that I have someone 'very interesting' from the 'spirit world' behind me. Unfortunately, although I am more spiritually evolved that you peasants, at this stage in my development I'm not allowed to know who it is. I hope it's Oscar Wilde but worry that it might be Hitler. I'd hate to be followed by Hitler. Quite apart from his disgraceful behaviour , he doesn't strike one as having much of a sense of humour and then there's all that guilt by association stuff to consider. I was told this by a real psychic quite out the blue. One minute I was rummaging through my handbag, the next I was wide eyed in astonishment.

Apparently there are 144 souls alive and dead in my 'soul group'. I reckon I've encountered two of them in my life so far (including the dead one that's following me) so that leaves 142 of my chums to track down, but how? I reckon the psychic was angling to be in my gang which I feel is understandable but misguided. The question for me is how do I track down the other 142. Naturally I will use all my usual methods, classified adverts, ouija boards and the like but does anyone have any ideas? I intend to devote 12 months to this mission and will be publishing the results in book form.

Anyway it's a warm night, I've got the windows open and 'Ragdoll Maggie' is downstairs belting out show tunes. I've never been gladder I'm alive.

Cheerio

11 comments:

RYokozuna said...

I'm feeling a warm glow of joy at yr embracing bingo but feeling a bit confused by yr news of being followed by souls.

Are we all being followed by large groups of souls? Are they the undead? Are they vengeful? Why are they following? What do they want? Shitting Christ i may never sleep again knowing that i may be currently silently pursued by the unseen and unknown..

Clairwil said...

Well apparently we all have a soul group of 144 alive, dead and unborn! I must be honest I'd never suspected a thing. They are friendly which is a relief. I've started putting out classified adverts to try and track down the others.

It's not only bingo I've taken up. I've bought a pink uke which I'm learning for amusement and kicks.

On Sunday I'm attending an open day at the Theosophy Society and will be doing laughter therapy, tarot, reiki, astrology, chakra balancing and aura reading. There will also be tea and biscuits.

RYokozuna said...

I'm not happy about that to be honest. Are you sure they are all nice? How would i get information on them? Are they always around or do they check in at certain times of the day? Why am i questioning you as if you would have all the answers?

Pink uke? Ukelele? I saw quite a remarkable flying v ukelele down denmark street the other week which was a bit good.

I've always quite liked most things a bit different and exciting like tarot etc. I made it a mission to try as many things like that as possible. Shiatsu and reflexology are my favorite things i've tryed so far. The chinese herbal quit smoking brew was definately the worst. I'm assuming that you just get shocked into submission and say "enough no more smoking, i promise. Please take away this stuff that tastes like my dead relatives melted down and mixed with shite and twigs" Bloody hell it was like drinking liquid evil.
I'm currently a big fan of massage in general and would recommend you to get some hands laid on you too.
Chakra balancing and laughter therapy both sound tremendous. You must keep me informed as to how both progress.

David Duff said...

I'm not sure I would want Oscar Wilde standing behind me!

ejn said...

It's ok David, he tells me you're not his type.....

A bit of massage is nice. Scalp massage especially.

Clairwil said...

RYokozuna,
I'm afraid I'm not an expert on the subject. I tried looking it up on the internet and discovered that on 12/12/12 the entire human race will become telepathic. I forsee war.

David,
Oh don't worry I am assured that the spirits are quite harmless.

ejn,
scalp massage is ace.

RYokozuna said...

We will become telepathic? Thats a bit good.

Have you ever heard of a religion called Falun Gong? It's a chinese religion and they are being persecuted by their goverment and having loads of shocking things done to them just because of their religious beliefs. Anyway long story short, i got curious after hearing about them being dragged off the streets and having kidneys removed etc and wanted to know what the script was with them?

I bought one of their books(from a real bookshop and everything) and had a wee read.... At first it looked pretty decent, loads of relaxation and meditation exercises and i thought it looked a bit like a more budhist version of Tai Chi or something and thought it looked a bit decent. However i started to read their texts and there were some real storming ideas in there!

Apparently if you reach a certain state of mind and get to the right level of meditation then 3 things will happen. 1. You will become immortal and live forever, 2. you will be able to levitate, 3. you will become invisible....

Not to be one to pour scorn and doubt on anyones beliefs but what the fuck? It's all there, in print and if anyone doubts or disagrees with what i'm saying go have a look.

Nice as the concept of being a timeless, floating, invisible chilled out ghosty type thing is, i'm sure the question would have to be this. What is the use in being able to do this?

Anyway seems like it would be right up yr street Clairewil. You should have a look and pass yr judgement

kiss kiss

Clairwil said...

I'd heard of them but I didn't know much about their beliefs. I have heard of people who are skilled in meditation being able to do some remarkable things like make one hand go cold and one got hot just by thinking about it. Having never witnessed it I'm not too sure if there's any truth to it. I shall have a look at this Falun Gong mob.

I attented a lecture about Hatian Voodoo a while back and some pretty strange stuff goes on during their ceremonies. The fellow taking the lecture swears blind he's witnessed people undergo dramatic physical changes while possessed.

RYokozuna said...

Definately check out the falun gong mob, they seem to have some fairly unique concepts.

Also did you know that jehovahs witnesses don't think that they will get into heaven? Apparently they believe that a certain number of chosen Jews get into heaven. When i heard this i had the thought that "whats the fucking point then?" Why not choose to be jewish instead?

Some scientologists tried to stop me last week as well. I'm sorry but this is a religion founded by a science fiction novelist who believes that we are just waiting for the mother ship to show up and take us all home... Besides heres something to think over, would you want to spend enternity with Tom Cruise? Poisonous, humourless untalented little cock that he is.

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