Advice On Sex Toys
I recently purchased a stack of sex toys purely for self gratification, not for research or something dull, or worse respectable.
It's cliched but entirely true that you can't go wrong with a Rampant Rabbit. I have abandoned my Red Mermaid for the Platinum Rabbit. It's as good as a chap but faster which appeals to me, if no-one else. Why does sex always take so long?
I'm also recommending the comically named 'Tracy Cox Supersex Lovelube'. Slidy without stickiness, pleasantly scented and tasteless. Works wonders on stubble rash. Mind you it contains ginseng which I'm told is stimulating to the boaby so do be careful.
Rubber Spiked Love Balls are anything but loving. Good Lord it was like sitting down too quickly and finding that in a one in a million chance, one sucked up a couple of baby hedgehogs. Avoid, avoid. Like the bloody plague.
Finally we come (ho ho) to Little Blue. A vibrator of pathetic length and girth. Honestly I cannot imagine who it is made for. Well actually I can but nympho toddlers have no place on my blog. I have no wish to be lynched. Oh no not I.
P.S I recived an email from an irate reader (my mummy) earlier in the week demaning that this be taken down. I'd forgotten about it but here it is again, mummy. Now take the hint and cock off.