The Labour Party have put a most distressing leaflet through my door. Apparently if the SNP win the election and Scotland becomes independent we'll all need to stump up £5000! To be honest I was thinking of remortgaging so I can probably come up with the money but what of hard working families? Are these so called Scottish Nationalists thinking of them?
As all those who know me will tell you I worry constantly about hard working families. Are they getting enough to eat? Do they have enough money to spend in IKEA? Will the children have to walk to school if fuel duty is raised?
I must say it's got me worried. It's all very well for us up in Scotland, we'll be £5000 up if we stay as we are, but what about the English, Welsh and Northern Irish hard working families?
Presumably they're all going to have to fork out another £5000 to keep us. What if they rise up and kick us out the union and blow the £5000 on new bathroom suites and school fees?
I don't mind telling you I am petrified. Quivering in my boots. As ever though, I have questions.
Why after about a million years being a Labour dominated country, not to mention ten years of Labour government, are we still such a basket case? What steps are being taken to rescue us before people are sponsoring Scottish babies by direct debit?
Then again this leaflet is a bit of a red rag to the Clairwil bull. I mean O.K we are skint but should we really be admitting it in front of the neighbours? No one likes a showing up. To save face I suggest we start a national menage for the independence fee, bump up the price of whisky and go for it.