A Warning Against Toying With The Occult

Hello,
A while back I mentioned that a psychic had informed me that I had someone very interesting behind me from the spirit world.

Naturally I was intrigued, so I was pleased to stumble across a different psychic who reckoned she could supply me with a drawing of my spirit guide. I duly coughed up the very reasonable £4.00 fee for this remarkable service and waited. The shocking outcome of all this is that I have a very well executed pencil drawing which appears to be of one of my ex-boyfriends. That said drawing has the same name and purports to be my 'soulmate' is, I need hardly day most distressing. Mr Clairwil could never be usurped in my affections.

Obviously I am the victim of some sort of prank. For a start a soulmate and a spirit guide are two entirely separate beasties. What worries me is who is responsible for this outrage? Why? I have of course submitted a stern email to them which has come back undelivered. It's as if they have vanished into thin air. The drawing itself is as I say very well done but every time I look at it I want to sleep with all it's friends and start pointless drunken fist fights. It can't be healthy.

I'm off to bed now though I doubt I shall ever sleep again.

Cheerio

Love And Romance

Hello,
I have just received the following e-mail from Elena who I am quite sure is a delightful young lady. As I'm neither responsible or male I don't seem to be exactly what she's after. Come to think of it, I'm not what one would describe as cute either. We shall skirt over the issue of intelligence.

Hello, I am elena. I am 27 years old and now I am looking for my
second half. He should be responsible, intelligent and cute. I think
that I am looking for you... And what do you think about it? I am
waiting for your opinion: elena.4@bestladies4u.com

I hate to disappoint though I do seem to have something of a talent for it these days. Anyway if any of the chaps reading would like to take our Elena out, her e-mail address is above and indicates that she is one of the best ladies not some mangy, shagging round the bins scrubber. Best of luck and I will be expecting a wedding invite should things go well.

This reminds me of the time a mysterious woman tried to steal Mr Clairwil by putting a hand delivered letter through his door making a 'sincere offer of romance'. Naturally I wanted to respond with a sincere offer of a sore face but Mr Clairwil put his foot down. Normally I don't take much notice of anything he says but he was quite stern and I grew frightened if slightly excited. I must say I was very disappointed in her. I had hoped that she would be more persistent and the whole thing would end with me hurling rocks at her windows. Believe me she was dangerous -I mean what sort of woman goes putting notes through stranger's doors offering it on a plate. It's disgusting and unseemly.

Cheerio

Clairwil's Burns Night

Hello,
I somewhat unusually spent Burns night eating lentil and tomato soup, before taking myself off to the Theosophical Society. It's normally something I celebrate in my own small way but having come home to find my door kicked in I was a little distracted. Still better late than never.

I'm sure Burns would have approved of my large dose of wine all the same. I wasn't going to bother doing a post. It's not as if Burn's Night went uncelebrated without me, however being a wicked Scottish nationalist reactionary I couldn't hold back.


I should stress that I don't like Burns simply because he is Scottish. He was also a fox and a beautiful if flawed soul. Oh yes and he wasn't too bad at the old poetry lark either. I think it is a testament to his ability as poet to transcend race, time and class that his words could render a six year old girl brought up on Barbie and Battle of the Planets almost speechless (though not speechless enough) with Tam O'Shanter. One of my few happy memories of school was first hearing that great narrative poem. Up until that point everything had seemed so pedestrian, sums, sentences and tissue paper. The hateful Mrs O'Neil couldn't spoil Burns, not even when she sent me out the class for asking what a 'cutty sark' was. I'm not a true Scot apparently. The woman was certifiable and I rather fancy that if he'd been alive Burns would have left the room with me to stand on 1982's answer to the creepie chair. The disgusting Mrs O'Neil later made me stand in a wastepaper basket for being 'rubbish'. Still I had Tam O'Shanter in my head and she only had a wish to humiliate children, which I think makes me the winner. Let's all hope she's dead as doornail now or at the very least embarrassed, frightened and miserable.

To wander back towards the bloody point.

Here are two of my favourite Burns turns.

Ae Fond Kiss
Address to the Unco Guid

Cheerio