Hello,
I'm not one of these proud to be a woman types. Not because there's anything wrong with being female but it's not something I had an awful lot to do with. To be proud of it would be like being proud of having big feet, it's just how I was born. I'm happy enough with that, although key moments of my life have been ruined for lack of a penis. Ideally I'd like to be able to switch genders at will but nature is not known for her generosity on the gender front. That said every so often a woman does something so heroic, courageous and downright brilliant that one does get the urge to strut around saying 'that's one of my lot' and basking in a bit of reflected glory. What can I say I'm a awful glory seeker.
I am referring to the brave and defiant Ms Lubna Hussein who has been sentenced to forty lashes by the savages that run Sudan for wearing trousers. What makes this woman so remarkable and sets her apart from most of the rest of us is that as an employee of the UN she was offered immunity by the Sundanese authorities. Instead of grabbing this opportunity with both hands she resigned from the UN in order to take the punishment and use her case to highlight the despicable behaviour of these sexually inadequate brutes.
Funnily enough these upstanding moral guardians are notoriously dishonest and regularly demand sexual favours from the women they arrest. You might feel a sliver of pity for these repellent chaps for being unable to get laid without using force but I'm inclined to repress that and send that portion of the pity ration to someone more deserving like Donald Trump. At least the thieving, lying, raping morality police get to feel good about themselves. In contrast Trump must sob himself to sleep thinking about that hair.
Whilst I would indulge in a cheeky lady chuckle if the world's women formed an army, invaded Sudan and strung every last member of their government up, the prospect is quite unlikely. Instead I have sent a letter, well more a miracle of restraint of to the Sudanese Embassy asking if they wouldn't mind giving the lashes a miss. Obviously what I wanted to write was 'would you wretched pigs do the world a favour and kill yourselves' but it's not terribly persuasive is it? The small penis jibes and wicked curses also hit the cutting room floor as did the threats to set fire to the ambassadors testicles and steal his Ferrero Rocher. Still it's hard to appeal to the better side of people who are so uniformly fucking awful, so it was a very short letter.
If anyone else is as eye poppingly angry about this as I am please write a polite letter to the Sudanese Embassy at 3 Cleveland Row, London, SW1A 1DD. For the sort of people who turn up on Reporting Scotland vox pops if you could put about one hundredth of the energy into supporting Ms Hussein as you do into worrying just how vast your arse looks in trousers and get an adult to help you with a letter to the Sudanese Embassy you might be able to point to at least one useful thing you've done in your pointless bovine life. There is also a petition to sign here.
Cheerio
Showing posts with label rage. Show all posts
Showing posts with label rage. Show all posts
7/28/2008
War Is Declared!
Hello,
I or rather my garden has been the victim of crime. I hopped downstairs this morning to find a large bin bag dumped on the path which was bad enough. It was only as I got closer I noticed a bag of broadsheet newspapers deliberately and maliciously dumped on a selection of helpless seedlings. Broadsheet newspapers- if even the educated classes have descended into barbarism what hope is left? Sadly that wasn't the worst of it the evil swine had also ripped out a beautiful fuchsia in full bloom and thrown it onto the street. Not content with that they stamped a small section of seedlings to green mush.
Given the make up of the neighbourhood and the presence of broadsheets I suspect students. This is good news in a way because they tend to move on after a term or two but bad news that we're saddled with such scum in our midst even for a short time. Is it any wonder the proper locals get so hacked off with the yuppiefication of this area? All it's done is attract a load of anti-social little mummies boys who would make a priest pro-abortion.
My first impulse was to rip the bags open and look for anything with an address on it so that I could return the favour on the culprits face but an altogether calmer supporter of the garden intervened and talked me out of that one. Still it's vexing me I want to know who did this so that I can make their life here a wretched misery. Unfortunately they'd covered their tracks and no address could be found so I can't even unleash Mr Plod on them.
I really don't get the mentality behind such behaviour in any case if they hate plants so much, if they cannot share in the simple pleasure of not living in a shitehole why don't they bugger off back to whichever godforsaken suburb they crawled from?
War against an unseen enemy isn't easy but they'll back down before I do. So far the death toll stands at 3 nasturtiums, 2 sunflowers, 1 polyanthus, 6 cornflowers, countless seedlings which could not be identified, the flowers from the fuchsia and my good mood.
Still I've buried the dead, tidied up and will now carry on as if nothing has happened but just wait till I catch the bastards in the act.
Cheerio
I or rather my garden has been the victim of crime. I hopped downstairs this morning to find a large bin bag dumped on the path which was bad enough. It was only as I got closer I noticed a bag of broadsheet newspapers deliberately and maliciously dumped on a selection of helpless seedlings. Broadsheet newspapers- if even the educated classes have descended into barbarism what hope is left? Sadly that wasn't the worst of it the evil swine had also ripped out a beautiful fuchsia in full bloom and thrown it onto the street. Not content with that they stamped a small section of seedlings to green mush.
Given the make up of the neighbourhood and the presence of broadsheets I suspect students. This is good news in a way because they tend to move on after a term or two but bad news that we're saddled with such scum in our midst even for a short time. Is it any wonder the proper locals get so hacked off with the yuppiefication of this area? All it's done is attract a load of anti-social little mummies boys who would make a priest pro-abortion.
My first impulse was to rip the bags open and look for anything with an address on it so that I could return the favour on the culprits face but an altogether calmer supporter of the garden intervened and talked me out of that one. Still it's vexing me I want to know who did this so that I can make their life here a wretched misery. Unfortunately they'd covered their tracks and no address could be found so I can't even unleash Mr Plod on them.
I really don't get the mentality behind such behaviour in any case if they hate plants so much, if they cannot share in the simple pleasure of not living in a shitehole why don't they bugger off back to whichever godforsaken suburb they crawled from?
War against an unseen enemy isn't easy but they'll back down before I do. So far the death toll stands at 3 nasturtiums, 2 sunflowers, 1 polyanthus, 6 cornflowers, countless seedlings which could not be identified, the flowers from the fuchsia and my good mood.
Still I've buried the dead, tidied up and will now carry on as if nothing has happened but just wait till I catch the bastards in the act.
Cheerio
9/19/2007
Dereliction Of Duty
Hello,
It occurs to me that I haven't posted anything rude about a politician for ages. I can only apologise to my elected chums and trust none of them are feeling too neglected.
First up the Tories have irritated me. It's just like the 80's again. As you'll all be aware Thatcher popped round to Gordon Brown's pad for tea and crumpets or to noise up David Cameron depending on your view. Anyway a few of the Tories have got all huffy and upset about it, claiming that she's a frail and lonely old lady and is being exploited. Have they seen her lately? She looks more terrifying than ever. In any case in the unlikely event she and Cameron were to have a bare knuckle boxing contest I know where my money would be going.
That being their opinion I wonder how many of them pop in to visit or give her a ring to see if she wants any shopping done? Not many because they all keep their distance depending on how much of a liability they see her as having consulted with umpteen focus groups. If I were her I'd join Respect to really mess with their minds.
Obviously the government have upset me, I believe it was one of those pledges they kept banging on about. Apparently 24 hour licencing has got to go because some people are too bloody stupid to go to the pub without making a nuisance of themselves. Naturally this has got the puritans creaming their drawers with excitement.
Rather than restrict opening hours could they not try something like policing the town centres at peak times. They started doing it Glasgow a while back and fuck me violent crime at the weekend fell by 13%! It's almost as if the police were acting as some sort of deterrent. In addition to the visible and surprisingly civilized and good natured police presence they have fellows in fluorescent jackets who keep the taxi queue moving in an orderly fashion and direct folk to buses etc.
If the government place us all under house arrest at any point in the next ten years I will not raise an eyebrow. More seriously why can't they just leave us alone. Stop smoking, lose weight, stop drinking. For God's sake it's like living with my mother.
Has anyone looked into the effects of all this nagging on the population? Maybe all the stress they're putting us under is causing everyone to reach for the bottle. At times they make me want to smoke crack and bite folk.
Why can't they accept that human nature cannot be perfected by legislation? Look at the smoking ban. The only difference in my habits is that I sit outside at the pub and talk to all the interesting folk, leaving all the lemon suckers inside. Life expectancy in the U.K is longer than it's ever been. Why the sudden hysteria about self inflicted premature death?
I live in a town centre so I'm no stranger to the problems caused by drunken halfwits but I also know that the majority of people are able to go out for a few pints without causing mayhem. I am merely suggesting that they leave the rest of us alone and arrest the idiots. Honestly they're worse than those teachers that punish entire classes for the 'crimes' of an individual.
Cheerio
It occurs to me that I haven't posted anything rude about a politician for ages. I can only apologise to my elected chums and trust none of them are feeling too neglected.
First up the Tories have irritated me. It's just like the 80's again. As you'll all be aware Thatcher popped round to Gordon Brown's pad for tea and crumpets or to noise up David Cameron depending on your view. Anyway a few of the Tories have got all huffy and upset about it, claiming that she's a frail and lonely old lady and is being exploited. Have they seen her lately? She looks more terrifying than ever. In any case in the unlikely event she and Cameron were to have a bare knuckle boxing contest I know where my money would be going.
That being their opinion I wonder how many of them pop in to visit or give her a ring to see if she wants any shopping done? Not many because they all keep their distance depending on how much of a liability they see her as having consulted with umpteen focus groups. If I were her I'd join Respect to really mess with their minds.
Obviously the government have upset me, I believe it was one of those pledges they kept banging on about. Apparently 24 hour licencing has got to go because some people are too bloody stupid to go to the pub without making a nuisance of themselves. Naturally this has got the puritans creaming their drawers with excitement.
Rather than restrict opening hours could they not try something like policing the town centres at peak times. They started doing it Glasgow a while back and fuck me violent crime at the weekend fell by 13%! It's almost as if the police were acting as some sort of deterrent. In addition to the visible and surprisingly civilized and good natured police presence they have fellows in fluorescent jackets who keep the taxi queue moving in an orderly fashion and direct folk to buses etc.
If the government place us all under house arrest at any point in the next ten years I will not raise an eyebrow. More seriously why can't they just leave us alone. Stop smoking, lose weight, stop drinking. For God's sake it's like living with my mother.
Has anyone looked into the effects of all this nagging on the population? Maybe all the stress they're putting us under is causing everyone to reach for the bottle. At times they make me want to smoke crack and bite folk.
Why can't they accept that human nature cannot be perfected by legislation? Look at the smoking ban. The only difference in my habits is that I sit outside at the pub and talk to all the interesting folk, leaving all the lemon suckers inside. Life expectancy in the U.K is longer than it's ever been. Why the sudden hysteria about self inflicted premature death?
I live in a town centre so I'm no stranger to the problems caused by drunken halfwits but I also know that the majority of people are able to go out for a few pints without causing mayhem. I am merely suggesting that they leave the rest of us alone and arrest the idiots. Honestly they're worse than those teachers that punish entire classes for the 'crimes' of an individual.
Cheerio
8/24/2007
Creep
Hello,
Despite being, at heart an eye for an eye type, a holder of life long grudges and somewhat aggressive, I strive to keep these traits under control. I say to myself 'Clairwil you might have have a certain amount of right on your side if you beheaded your work colleagues in a fit of rage but it would be uncivilised'. Rather like breaking wind or eating at KFC. So I stay quiet and act reasonable and although I fear that there will be the most awful tragedy one day for now it works.
The world though goes out it's way to provoke me. Take wife beating scumbag Colin Read for example. Having attacked his wife as she slept, beat her up twice for complaining about it and topped it off by burning her back with an iron you'd expect him to be sitting in jail would you not? Wrong as he was too busy with work to do community service he has instead been fined £2000. I'm sure that will leave a massive hole in his finances. The poor chap only earns £90,000 p/a.
Now you see here I was going to organise a whip round to cover the legal costs of anyone who gives Mr Read a taste of his own medicine but of course that would be wrong and quite possibly illegal. Though I should point out that the circumstances of this case have provoked me and sending me to prison would help no-one. Nevertheless it's the ability to pretend that we don't want to beat the shit out of someone that separates us from the animals So I'll merely suggest that we purse our lips and tut impotently all the while nursing the secret hope that Mr Read dies a slow agonising death at the hands of a mob. That my friends would be justice even if we don't encourage it.
Cheers
P.S Do follow the link above, it takes you to a post written by the wonderful Katy Newton, officially my favourite lady on the internets.
Despite being, at heart an eye for an eye type, a holder of life long grudges and somewhat aggressive, I strive to keep these traits under control. I say to myself 'Clairwil you might have have a certain amount of right on your side if you beheaded your work colleagues in a fit of rage but it would be uncivilised'. Rather like breaking wind or eating at KFC. So I stay quiet and act reasonable and although I fear that there will be the most awful tragedy one day for now it works.
The world though goes out it's way to provoke me. Take wife beating scumbag Colin Read for example. Having attacked his wife as she slept, beat her up twice for complaining about it and topped it off by burning her back with an iron you'd expect him to be sitting in jail would you not? Wrong as he was too busy with work to do community service he has instead been fined £2000. I'm sure that will leave a massive hole in his finances. The poor chap only earns £90,000 p/a.
Now you see here I was going to organise a whip round to cover the legal costs of anyone who gives Mr Read a taste of his own medicine but of course that would be wrong and quite possibly illegal. Though I should point out that the circumstances of this case have provoked me and sending me to prison would help no-one. Nevertheless it's the ability to pretend that we don't want to beat the shit out of someone that separates us from the animals So I'll merely suggest that we purse our lips and tut impotently all the while nursing the secret hope that Mr Read dies a slow agonising death at the hands of a mob. That my friends would be justice even if we don't encourage it.
Cheers
P.S Do follow the link above, it takes you to a post written by the wonderful Katy Newton, officially my favourite lady on the internets.
8/09/2007
Turn That Bloody Racket Off!
Hello,
I see Elton John has demanded that the internet be turned off for five years. Can that be done? Where is the internet kept? Who looks after it? We should of course bear in mind that Elton John once phoned a hotel reception in a temper and told them to turn down the weather so it is possible he's misunderstood the whole thing a bit.
Naturally I'm opposed to this wicked plan. I prefer the internet to the telly these days. Telly reminds me that I am alone in the universe, the internet allows me to pretend I'm not. My whole life I've been haunted by the feeling that all the people like me are off elsewhere doing interesting stuff whilst I'm surrounded by people who humour me or irritate me.
I'm off out on Friday night on some sort of work 'teambuilding' night out in an appalling tapas bar. Why they can't just accept that we all hate each other and leave us in peace I'll never know. What is the sodding point? What do I have to say to a load of mums who reek of antiseptic and talk about their bowels all the time? Well plenty actually but they'd all start making the gasp of outrage possibly worse than the one they do when they see something that displeases them on GMTV so I'll be sitting in silence watching the clock and dreaming up excuses to leave early.
With any luck one of them will drink a glass of wine and do something outrageous, though I fear it will the the usual tuts of disapproval if I order a pint. Worse still they'll insist we share our dishes. I fucking hate sharing. I cannot bear it. Every time we go out it's the same. I look at the menu and decide what I want whereas they all flap about whining 'what are you having' so that they can co-ordinate, then treat me like an anti-social freak for my perfectly reasonable desire to eat without them sticking their dirty forks in my food. I wouldn't mind but these are people who change the sheets immediately after sex and carry wet wipes at all times yet they're quite happy to stick their bloody germs in my dinner. I should stress I'm not germ phobic but I refuse to eat off the same plate as anyone I wouldn't sleep with.
Oh God I'm on a roll now. The list of things they do that annoy me is too long to deal with in detail but as this is food related I'll throw it in. Every single day in work they ask me what I'm having for lunch or if I happen to be eating it at the time the lean over and look at it before questioning me as to exactly what's in my sandwich. For six months I ate cheese sandwiches because it was easier to explain than houmous. I don't know why but I feel very agressive when questioned about my lunch. Always have, even as a child. What gets me hopping mad is when they ask what I'm having then get the same thing and tell everyone that they bought it because Clairwil was having it and it looked nice.
Right I must end now I feel a rant about their stupid fake allergies coming on and if I start I won't stop.
Cheers
I see Elton John has demanded that the internet be turned off for five years. Can that be done? Where is the internet kept? Who looks after it? We should of course bear in mind that Elton John once phoned a hotel reception in a temper and told them to turn down the weather so it is possible he's misunderstood the whole thing a bit.
Naturally I'm opposed to this wicked plan. I prefer the internet to the telly these days. Telly reminds me that I am alone in the universe, the internet allows me to pretend I'm not. My whole life I've been haunted by the feeling that all the people like me are off elsewhere doing interesting stuff whilst I'm surrounded by people who humour me or irritate me.
I'm off out on Friday night on some sort of work 'teambuilding' night out in an appalling tapas bar. Why they can't just accept that we all hate each other and leave us in peace I'll never know. What is the sodding point? What do I have to say to a load of mums who reek of antiseptic and talk about their bowels all the time? Well plenty actually but they'd all start making the gasp of outrage possibly worse than the one they do when they see something that displeases them on GMTV so I'll be sitting in silence watching the clock and dreaming up excuses to leave early.
With any luck one of them will drink a glass of wine and do something outrageous, though I fear it will the the usual tuts of disapproval if I order a pint. Worse still they'll insist we share our dishes. I fucking hate sharing. I cannot bear it. Every time we go out it's the same. I look at the menu and decide what I want whereas they all flap about whining 'what are you having' so that they can co-ordinate, then treat me like an anti-social freak for my perfectly reasonable desire to eat without them sticking their dirty forks in my food. I wouldn't mind but these are people who change the sheets immediately after sex and carry wet wipes at all times yet they're quite happy to stick their bloody germs in my dinner. I should stress I'm not germ phobic but I refuse to eat off the same plate as anyone I wouldn't sleep with.
Oh God I'm on a roll now. The list of things they do that annoy me is too long to deal with in detail but as this is food related I'll throw it in. Every single day in work they ask me what I'm having for lunch or if I happen to be eating it at the time the lean over and look at it before questioning me as to exactly what's in my sandwich. For six months I ate cheese sandwiches because it was easier to explain than houmous. I don't know why but I feel very agressive when questioned about my lunch. Always have, even as a child. What gets me hopping mad is when they ask what I'm having then get the same thing and tell everyone that they bought it because Clairwil was having it and it looked nice.
Right I must end now I feel a rant about their stupid fake allergies coming on and if I start I won't stop.
Cheers
7/18/2007
A Warning Against Toying With The Occult
Hello,
A while back I mentioned that a psychic had informed me that I had someone very interesting behind me from the spirit world.
Naturally I was intrigued, so I was pleased to stumble across a different psychic who reckoned she could supply me with a drawing of my spirit guide. I duly coughed up the very reasonable £4.00 fee for this remarkable service and waited. The shocking outcome of all this is that I have a very well executed pencil drawing which appears to be of one of my ex-boyfriends. That said drawing has the same name and purports to be my 'soulmate' is, I need hardly day most distressing. Mr Clairwil could never be usurped in my affections.
Obviously I am the victim of some sort of prank. For a start a soulmate and a spirit guide are two entirely separate beasties. What worries me is who is responsible for this outrage? Why? I have of course submitted a stern email to them which has come back undelivered. It's as if they have vanished into thin air. The drawing itself is as I say very well done but every time I look at it I want to sleep with all it's friends and start pointless drunken fist fights. It can't be healthy.
I'm off to bed now though I doubt I shall ever sleep again.
Cheerio
A while back I mentioned that a psychic had informed me that I had someone very interesting behind me from the spirit world.
Naturally I was intrigued, so I was pleased to stumble across a different psychic who reckoned she could supply me with a drawing of my spirit guide. I duly coughed up the very reasonable £4.00 fee for this remarkable service and waited. The shocking outcome of all this is that I have a very well executed pencil drawing which appears to be of one of my ex-boyfriends. That said drawing has the same name and purports to be my 'soulmate' is, I need hardly day most distressing. Mr Clairwil could never be usurped in my affections.
Obviously I am the victim of some sort of prank. For a start a soulmate and a spirit guide are two entirely separate beasties. What worries me is who is responsible for this outrage? Why? I have of course submitted a stern email to them which has come back undelivered. It's as if they have vanished into thin air. The drawing itself is as I say very well done but every time I look at it I want to sleep with all it's friends and start pointless drunken fist fights. It can't be healthy.
I'm off to bed now though I doubt I shall ever sleep again.
Cheerio
7/01/2007
Terror Attacks Cause Outbreak Of Drivel On The Web!
Hello,
I have been following the coverage of the terror attack at Glasgow Airport with some interest. Against my better judgement I took a trip over to the BBC news 'Have Your Say' bit. Oh Lord! There are times when I think free speech is a terrible error. Then I think again and conclude that if everyone else is going to talk total nonsense who am I to swim against the tide?
First up we have people attempting to get to the root cause of why the airport was attacked. Quite frankly I think someone in authority should take these 'experts' at their word and send them to Guantanamo Bay for having a suspicious level of insider knowledge. I realise that's a bit unfair given that they're talking frightful rot but it's better than them being allowed to air their views and mislead impressionable children and other vulnerable people.
A popular explanation is of course the Iraq War. Quite why someone who felt that way would attack a country which has just elected a devolved government that are vocal opponents of the Iraq war is not explained or I suspect given any consideration. Something of an own goal for the terrorists there I'd have thought, if they were in a tizzy about Iraq.
Whilst I believe that situations like the Iraq War and so on don't do recruitment to terrorist organisations any harm at all they are not the root cause of Islamist terror. There are times when I'm tempted to start supporting the war in Iraq to distance myself from 'Iraq bores'. Honestly if I were to mention that the telly was a bit dull last night I wouldn't be surprised if someone responded well of course what do you expect when we've killed all those poor Iraqis.
There are loads of folk with solutions to the problem. Like ID cards. Saints preserve us. Asylum Seekers are presently obliged to carry ID cards and it doesn't appear to have had much bearing on terrorism prevention in the UK. In any case, is someone mad enough to set fire to themselves likely to be deterred by someone knowing who they are? I cannot see many future terror plots being abandoned with the words 'drat those infidels and their ID cards'.
The deport everyone brigade are out in full. Quite how this would sort out homegrown terrorists is unclear. What do they expect the government to do? Approach some Muslim country and explain 'we're having a spot of trouble with some Islamist terrorists and we thought with you being Muslims you wouldn't mind importing a selection of violent British nutters'. Somehow I can't see that one working. If someone who isn't British presents a threat to public safety then jail them and boot them out and the end of their sentence however it's not going to eliminate the threat.
Then we have some tosser moaning about Alex Salmond making a statement. Good Lord the way that Salmond carries on you'd think he was First Minister and Scotland had been attacked! That's all we need an uppity Scot getting narked and sticking his beak into matters that don't concern him. He'll only get it wrong and break things.
I think my favourite comment was by 'Claire'. 'I am 22 years old and should not feel unsafe in my own country'. What does being 22 have to do with it you bloody fool? Why she didn't just write 'I am a pampered halfwit who descends into a footstamping hissy fit each time the world shows itself to be less than perfect' and have done with it I don't know. Six months in Iraq would sort her out. As if being 22 grants one the right to special protection!
An improbably named gentleman, one 'Mr Buttomungous' claims to have seen four chaps acting suspiciously in a Silver Mercedes last autumn. However he didn't report this or anything sensible like that in case someone thought he was a racist. I think that is quite the silliest thing ever said by any human being anywhere. Why would anyone publicly confess to finding the though of an accusation of racism as being worse than failure to report a potential terrorist attack?
Mind you abuse of the right of free speech is nothing to the abuse of the English language on that board. It's a well known fact that English is the worlds greatest language, I myself refuse to speak any other, even when overseas. I rather fancy the foreigners enjoy the challenge, in any case I always get my egg and chips. To return to the BBC website, if I find people communicating with grunts and fire in the next couple of hours I won't raise so much as an eyebrow in surprise. Instead I shall draw some stick men and jump up and down.
Finally would you all think less of me if I confess to feeling a warm glow at living in a city with citizens mad and heroic enough to punch out a psyched up burning terrorist? The only thing that would have made me happier would be if they'd beaten him with Irn Bru bottles pausing only to light a fag off the flames.
Cheerio
I have been following the coverage of the terror attack at Glasgow Airport with some interest. Against my better judgement I took a trip over to the BBC news 'Have Your Say' bit. Oh Lord! There are times when I think free speech is a terrible error. Then I think again and conclude that if everyone else is going to talk total nonsense who am I to swim against the tide?
First up we have people attempting to get to the root cause of why the airport was attacked. Quite frankly I think someone in authority should take these 'experts' at their word and send them to Guantanamo Bay for having a suspicious level of insider knowledge. I realise that's a bit unfair given that they're talking frightful rot but it's better than them being allowed to air their views and mislead impressionable children and other vulnerable people.
A popular explanation is of course the Iraq War. Quite why someone who felt that way would attack a country which has just elected a devolved government that are vocal opponents of the Iraq war is not explained or I suspect given any consideration. Something of an own goal for the terrorists there I'd have thought, if they were in a tizzy about Iraq.
Whilst I believe that situations like the Iraq War and so on don't do recruitment to terrorist organisations any harm at all they are not the root cause of Islamist terror. There are times when I'm tempted to start supporting the war in Iraq to distance myself from 'Iraq bores'. Honestly if I were to mention that the telly was a bit dull last night I wouldn't be surprised if someone responded well of course what do you expect when we've killed all those poor Iraqis.
There are loads of folk with solutions to the problem. Like ID cards. Saints preserve us. Asylum Seekers are presently obliged to carry ID cards and it doesn't appear to have had much bearing on terrorism prevention in the UK. In any case, is someone mad enough to set fire to themselves likely to be deterred by someone knowing who they are? I cannot see many future terror plots being abandoned with the words 'drat those infidels and their ID cards'.
The deport everyone brigade are out in full. Quite how this would sort out homegrown terrorists is unclear. What do they expect the government to do? Approach some Muslim country and explain 'we're having a spot of trouble with some Islamist terrorists and we thought with you being Muslims you wouldn't mind importing a selection of violent British nutters'. Somehow I can't see that one working. If someone who isn't British presents a threat to public safety then jail them and boot them out and the end of their sentence however it's not going to eliminate the threat.
Then we have some tosser moaning about Alex Salmond making a statement. Good Lord the way that Salmond carries on you'd think he was First Minister and Scotland had been attacked! That's all we need an uppity Scot getting narked and sticking his beak into matters that don't concern him. He'll only get it wrong and break things.
I think my favourite comment was by 'Claire'. 'I am 22 years old and should not feel unsafe in my own country'. What does being 22 have to do with it you bloody fool? Why she didn't just write 'I am a pampered halfwit who descends into a footstamping hissy fit each time the world shows itself to be less than perfect' and have done with it I don't know. Six months in Iraq would sort her out. As if being 22 grants one the right to special protection!
An improbably named gentleman, one 'Mr Buttomungous' claims to have seen four chaps acting suspiciously in a Silver Mercedes last autumn. However he didn't report this or anything sensible like that in case someone thought he was a racist. I think that is quite the silliest thing ever said by any human being anywhere. Why would anyone publicly confess to finding the though of an accusation of racism as being worse than failure to report a potential terrorist attack?
Mind you abuse of the right of free speech is nothing to the abuse of the English language on that board. It's a well known fact that English is the worlds greatest language, I myself refuse to speak any other, even when overseas. I rather fancy the foreigners enjoy the challenge, in any case I always get my egg and chips. To return to the BBC website, if I find people communicating with grunts and fire in the next couple of hours I won't raise so much as an eyebrow in surprise. Instead I shall draw some stick men and jump up and down.
Finally would you all think less of me if I confess to feeling a warm glow at living in a city with citizens mad and heroic enough to punch out a psyched up burning terrorist? The only thing that would have made me happier would be if they'd beaten him with Irn Bru bottles pausing only to light a fag off the flames.
Cheerio
4/15/2007
A Code Of Conduct For Bloggers
Hello,
Is there no part of my life that is free from botherers? I have just received an email telling, yes telling me to become a protestant. Obviously I emailed back and said I'd love to but first you need to do something about the lack of visuals, incense and how about adopting few Voodoo rituals. Believe me that is the last time I ever ask the Wee Free's a serious theological question.
Anyway some sort of code of conduct for bloggers has been brought to my attention. Oh for Christ's sake just cock off! Is nothing sacred? All I ever wanted in life was a space to act the goat in without someone moaning that I'd trod on their prize marrow. Now we have this set of rules. To be fair they are voluntary -for now.
There is no need for it whatsoever. I find myself reminded of those kiss-arse children I was incarcerated at school with. Do you know that at one point they took at petition to the headmaster asking for the uniform rules to be enforced? And had the nerve to call me immature for sneering at them! Why in God's name would anyone campaign to have one of their meagre freedoms taken away?
As time goes by I start to relate to those Americans that live in shacks in the mountains with 526 rifles and mistrust the government.
If you don't want to read me, then fuck off! Now that is a code of conduct.
Cheerio
Is there no part of my life that is free from botherers? I have just received an email telling, yes telling me to become a protestant. Obviously I emailed back and said I'd love to but first you need to do something about the lack of visuals, incense and how about adopting few Voodoo rituals. Believe me that is the last time I ever ask the Wee Free's a serious theological question.
Anyway some sort of code of conduct for bloggers has been brought to my attention. Oh for Christ's sake just cock off! Is nothing sacred? All I ever wanted in life was a space to act the goat in without someone moaning that I'd trod on their prize marrow. Now we have this set of rules. To be fair they are voluntary -for now.
There is no need for it whatsoever. I find myself reminded of those kiss-arse children I was incarcerated at school with. Do you know that at one point they took at petition to the headmaster asking for the uniform rules to be enforced? And had the nerve to call me immature for sneering at them! Why in God's name would anyone campaign to have one of their meagre freedoms taken away?
As time goes by I start to relate to those Americans that live in shacks in the mountains with 526 rifles and mistrust the government.
If you don't want to read me, then fuck off! Now that is a code of conduct.
Cheerio
4/12/2007
Contemplating Forming A Vigilante Group
Hello,
There are times when I understand how readers of the Daily Mail feel. Take this morning for example, there I was enjoying the first fag of the day when the Scottish news came on with quite the most appalling tale I've heard in some time.
For those of you lucky enough to have been spared, prepare yourself because this is vile beyond words. A young woman was minding her own business, pushing her pram, when a group of...well how would you describe them?.. a sort of sub-breed of shit?....scum?, took exception to her presence and started hurling stones and abuse. It has been suggested that it was racially motivated, though in my view racism alone cannot account for what happened -the beginning of the end of human civilisation might be nearer the mark.
Personally I was sharpening my kitchen knives at that point but it gets worse. One of the group then decided to attempt a bit of sexual assault on the woman and her baby. In broad daylight. In front of his friends.
As I've said before I take a pretty bleak view of human nature. We're a bunch of animals but for the most part are restrained by civilisation and society. Even the worst criminals are secretive, they may choose to ignore law and morality but at least they are aware of them.
Exactly how depraved do you need to be to get together with your friends to verbally, physically and sexually assault a woman and a one year old child? I don't buy all this stuff that the police are coming out with about the other men possibly being disgusted by what the one who went on to attempt the sexual assault did and reporting him. They are as guilty as he is. There were three of them and one of him. They could have stopped it any time they wanted. They did not, which makes them complicit.
It's certainly uncivilised but I sincerely hope the lot of them are gang-raped, tortured and slaughtered by an angry mob. I'm sure if someone filmed it, they'd have a sure fire hit on their hands. Failing that could we have a bit of police brutality when they are arrested, please?
Cheers
There are times when I understand how readers of the Daily Mail feel. Take this morning for example, there I was enjoying the first fag of the day when the Scottish news came on with quite the most appalling tale I've heard in some time.
For those of you lucky enough to have been spared, prepare yourself because this is vile beyond words. A young woman was minding her own business, pushing her pram, when a group of...well how would you describe them?.. a sort of sub-breed of shit?....scum?, took exception to her presence and started hurling stones and abuse. It has been suggested that it was racially motivated, though in my view racism alone cannot account for what happened -the beginning of the end of human civilisation might be nearer the mark.
Personally I was sharpening my kitchen knives at that point but it gets worse. One of the group then decided to attempt a bit of sexual assault on the woman and her baby. In broad daylight. In front of his friends.
As I've said before I take a pretty bleak view of human nature. We're a bunch of animals but for the most part are restrained by civilisation and society. Even the worst criminals are secretive, they may choose to ignore law and morality but at least they are aware of them.
Exactly how depraved do you need to be to get together with your friends to verbally, physically and sexually assault a woman and a one year old child? I don't buy all this stuff that the police are coming out with about the other men possibly being disgusted by what the one who went on to attempt the sexual assault did and reporting him. They are as guilty as he is. There were three of them and one of him. They could have stopped it any time they wanted. They did not, which makes them complicit.
It's certainly uncivilised but I sincerely hope the lot of them are gang-raped, tortured and slaughtered by an angry mob. I'm sure if someone filmed it, they'd have a sure fire hit on their hands. Failing that could we have a bit of police brutality when they are arrested, please?
Cheers
4/08/2007
Please God Don't Let Wendy Be In Charge
Hello,
Today's Herald carries the horrifying news that if Labour lose too many seats in the forthcoming election then she-gargoyle from the very pit of hell Wendy Alexander is hoping to take over.
Almost all politicians annoy me to some extent but usually it's what they say and do that upsets me rather than, arrgh! just everything. I'm sorry but I cannot stand Wendy Alexander. I hate her face, the way she over enunciates like she's talking to a deaf foreign waiter. Honestly I can't hear a word she says without my head filling up with visions of some idiot Brit bellowing EGG. AND. CHIPS. TWICE in a Spanish tourist trap.
I'm told she's very bright but to be frank. I couldn't care less. I am not having that stupid bloody face and hellish voice running the show. Pig in knickers doesn't even begin to cover it. Oh God I'm starting to see her face when I close my eyes. I don't mind ugly people in politics, it's just that she's ugly in such an irritating way and she has that voice.
I'll lay a £20 bet with anyone that she was the class sneak at school and would cry if you borrowed her rubber and got a black mark on it. She's the sort of woman that carries wet wipes at all times and Gordon Brown likes her. In other words she's a thoroughly bad lot.
Cheerio
Today's Herald carries the horrifying news that if Labour lose too many seats in the forthcoming election then she-gargoyle from the very pit of hell Wendy Alexander is hoping to take over.
Almost all politicians annoy me to some extent but usually it's what they say and do that upsets me rather than, arrgh! just everything. I'm sorry but I cannot stand Wendy Alexander. I hate her face, the way she over enunciates like she's talking to a deaf foreign waiter. Honestly I can't hear a word she says without my head filling up with visions of some idiot Brit bellowing EGG. AND. CHIPS. TWICE in a Spanish tourist trap.
I'm told she's very bright but to be frank. I couldn't care less. I am not having that stupid bloody face and hellish voice running the show. Pig in knickers doesn't even begin to cover it. Oh God I'm starting to see her face when I close my eyes. I don't mind ugly people in politics, it's just that she's ugly in such an irritating way and she has that voice.
I'll lay a £20 bet with anyone that she was the class sneak at school and would cry if you borrowed her rubber and got a black mark on it. She's the sort of woman that carries wet wipes at all times and Gordon Brown likes her. In other words she's a thoroughly bad lot.
Cheerio
4/07/2007
Are They All On Drugs?
That's it. That is the fucking limit. It was only a matter of time before the government sent me 100% batshit fucking doolally mental. For the love of God what is wrong with them? I'm just looking out the window and daily life is going on as normal. What's wrong? Why aren't there riots? A revolution? We are being governed by cunting robots? They must be stopped.
I was just over at Tom Tylers blog when I chanced upon this cracker from Patrica Hewitt commenting on the British sailors taken hostage in Iran;
"It was deplorable that the woman hostage should be shown smoking. This sends completely the wrong message to our young people."
It's extraordinary, almost unbelievable. A member of the British government switches on the TV to see some British sailors taken hostage by Iran and thinks 'tsk, smoking'. Exactly how much of a health Nazi does one need to be to react like that? Frankly I'm amazed she doesn't want to prosecute her for smoking in the workplace.
I despair.
Some good stuff up over at TerryWatch
I was just over at Tom Tylers blog when I chanced upon this cracker from Patrica Hewitt commenting on the British sailors taken hostage in Iran;
"It was deplorable that the woman hostage should be shown smoking. This sends completely the wrong message to our young people."
It's extraordinary, almost unbelievable. A member of the British government switches on the TV to see some British sailors taken hostage by Iran and thinks 'tsk, smoking'. Exactly how much of a health Nazi does one need to be to react like that? Frankly I'm amazed she doesn't want to prosecute her for smoking in the workplace.
I despair.
Some good stuff up over at TerryWatch
4/02/2007
Please Patronise Me
Hello,
I recently purchased a website, as a bit of an experiment. Oh of course they told me it would be easy and I don't doubt that it is but I'm someone who is proud of sending a successful email and as such am being sent slowly mad by the whole thing.
I will list my problems below, if anyone can help, please do. Just remember that I'm not the brightest on technological matters. I really do want to be patronised.
1. I download the templates which open in my firefox browser as the finished article rather than just the html. Why? Who the hell asked them to?
2. I need to change a bit of code in all the pages. I've been getting the source code and copying and pasting it into notepad, doing it page by page. The instructions state that I should be able to use my search and replace tool but it doesn't find the relevant bits or replace them.
3. I then upload a page and it's wrong! Bits of code here and there suggesting the html is wrong. Yet it works fine when downloaded.
All I want is the downloaded files to open in an editable format, wallop the relevant bits into search and replace, then upload them. Why is the technology defying me?
Idiot-proof answers please.
I recently purchased a website, as a bit of an experiment. Oh of course they told me it would be easy and I don't doubt that it is but I'm someone who is proud of sending a successful email and as such am being sent slowly mad by the whole thing.
I will list my problems below, if anyone can help, please do. Just remember that I'm not the brightest on technological matters. I really do want to be patronised.
1. I download the templates which open in my firefox browser as the finished article rather than just the html. Why? Who the hell asked them to?
2. I need to change a bit of code in all the pages. I've been getting the source code and copying and pasting it into notepad, doing it page by page. The instructions state that I should be able to use my search and replace tool but it doesn't find the relevant bits or replace them.
3. I then upload a page and it's wrong! Bits of code here and there suggesting the html is wrong. Yet it works fine when downloaded.
All I want is the downloaded files to open in an editable format, wallop the relevant bits into search and replace, then upload them. Why is the technology defying me?
Idiot-proof answers please.
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