Hello,
I'm having a few of what my sillier chums call issues at the moment having misplaced my medication, deciding I'd never felt better before going slightly but quietly bonkers again. To be honest I knew things weren't going well when I found myself bawling my eyes out yesterday over the whole MP's expenses row. I mean it is infuriating but I don't think they meant it personally.
However my tearful outburst seems to have acted as some sort of misery magnet. I've always aimed for a stoic response to things and I'm usually reasonably successful in my day to day life if not my blogging life characterised as it is by displays of rage. I hate sobbing all over folk. Not only is it embarrassing but it never gets one anywhere. With the rare exception of Mr Clairwil who usually get's practical all you get are pitying looks and cliches before the subject is quietly changed.
Anyway since going mental again someone has ripped out a very striking bush I planted at my bins last year which was growing a treat with it's black leaves contrasting nicely against the whitewashed wall. I find it quite hard to express how much this has distressed me. Normally this sort of thing just makes me angry and resolve to plant something bigger, better and poisonous in it's place. Today I just felt like ripping the lot out. I feel I've run out of steam. I know it's absurd getting upset about plants but what possible pleasure is there in ripping one out the ground, seperating it from it's roots and leaving it dumped on the street? Why can't these people buy plants of their own to destroy rather than wrecking mine?
Let's face it they are fucking rich enough -it may surprise the snobs reading to learn that most of the vandalism carried out in our street is the work of middle class students. The only thing that cheers me up in all this is my neighbour's tales of having caught the toffs in the act and reduced them to tears by threatening them with the police. Something that always prompts rapid blinking, tears and a stuttered 'I'm at university'. Less cheering is his apparent acceptance that being students they aren't real criminals and don't mean any harm. To me that makes it worse I'd be more likely to let some barely sentient ned off the hook than someone who should know better and in a few years will be buggering off to a nice suburb.
Could we not build schemes for wanky toff students where they are housed in squalor so they can feel edgy and a wee bit working class without wrecking decent areas for the rest of us? Failing that I know a housing officer responsible for three horrid east end high rises who'd be delighted to fill a few unlet flats where the young team will give you the warmest of welcomes.
Anyway the students of High Street will be pleased to learn that I'm throwing in the towel. I just cannot keep putting myself through it. It would appear that I'm not as recovered as I thought.
I'm not going to rip out what I've planted but leave it to be destroyed, I will admit that a small part of me is curious as to how long it will take them.
Cheerio
5/15/2009
5/13/2009
MPs Expenses
Hello,
In many ways MPs expenses have been worth every penny, I haven't laughed so much in years.
Oh come on a male MP buying tampons, nappies and women's clothes, or some toff scamming repairs to his tennis court and moat cleaning! How exactly does one go about cleaning a moat or more to the point being posh enough to have one? Then of course I remembered I and my other chums the tax payers were footing the bill and that I've still not received the tax rebate I'm due.
Growing up with the standard left wing West of Scotland upbringing I was I suppose natural Labour territory but living in close proximity to the horror of Glasgow City Council put paid to any illusions I may have had about their integrity. Ah yes I remember it well Pat Lally's repellent nephew boasting about being dropped off at school in the provosts limo. All the same I naively thought Labour corruption was a 'Glasgow problem' caused by a sheep like Tory phobic electorate who would rather vote for a rotting corpse in a red rosette than in their own interests.
Similarly I believed the Tory corruption, that became apparent in the last days of the Major government was a result, not of any inherent dishonesty in the Tory party but the inevitable result of being in power too long.
I daresay there is a degree of truth in that. Long running administrations of any stripe are bound to be attractive to opportunists on the make but I think this latest round of expenses scandals reveals something far more rotten and disturbing. No party is spared, not one. These people really are a class apart -who or what on earth gave them the idea that they were entitled to live lives so far removed from the rest of us at our expense? The frightening thing is I think some of them honestly believe that tennis court repairs and the like are essential for them to carry out their jobs, in other words there's no point serving the public or pretending to unless you are allowed to live like a king on the back of it.
Worse than the claims themselves is the 'it was within the rules, it's not me it's the system'. I must suggest that to one of my clients as a possible defence if they happen to spot a loophole in the benefit rules. I'm quite certain that both the DWP and police will be entirely sympathetic. For heaven's sake people refrain from doing all sorts of perfectly legal things because they think it is immoral to do so. If these clowns can't tell the difference between something being legal and being compulsory then can I suggest they find something more suited to their abilities like competitive mouth breathing. You notice that despite being the very folk with the power to reform the system none of them felt so strongly that they raised the matter in parliament with a view to any sort of reform. One can only imagine their howls of outrage at the awful system as they looked at their bank statements and watched the money roll in.
Then there is the flipping scam -no wonder they didn't want to restore any level of sanity to the housing market -the bastards were coining it in! I wonder if any of them as they played their part putting homes out of the reach of key workers and first time buyers ever felt a single seconds guilt. Did those representing less affluent constituencies and reading their post bag containing various tales of housing hell from people better than they'll ever be not reflect for a moment that what they were doing was wrong? Marie Antoinette was beheaded for less.
Being ripped off is bad enough but readers of The Guardian and The Telegraph were treated to that despicable little dirtbag MacShane insulting their intelligence with his assertion that if they don't vote Labour or for one of the big parties then the BNP will get in. In other words you can't risk a protest vote without getting something worse so keep eating shit peasants. Of course if he and his corrupt pals weren't such a bunch of grasping low lifes they might be able to point out a few faults with the BNP but instead they've left themselves in no position to point fingers at anyone. Quite frankly Labour have run a better campaign for the BNP then anything that shower could manage. Still you'd almost think the BNP were the only party standing the way he's carrying on but of course two minutes on google provides you with a world of choice in finding a home for your cheeky protest without your 'racial foreigner' chums thinking you want to send them back. To save you the hassle I will provide a handy list below.
Cheerio
Scotland- Green, SNP, SSP, NO2EU, Socialist Labour Party, Christian Party Christian Peoples Alliance, Jury Team, UKIP and Duncan Robertson (Independent).
Northern Ireland -No candidates from any of the big three your choices are here.
Wales- Green, Plaid Cymru, NO2EU, Jury Team, UKIP, Christian Party Christian Peoples Alliance and Socialist Labour Party.
England (By Region)
North East - Green, NO2EU, Jury Team, UKIP, English Democrats, Christian Party Christian Peoples Alliance, Socialist Labour Party and Libertas.
Yorkshire and the Humber - See above
West Midlands -See above
East Midlands -See above
North West -As previous but with a lone independent Francis Apaloo
East of England- As previous but the independent candidate is Peter Rigby and Animals Count are also standing.
South West- As previous but Mebyon Kernow, Pensioners Party and Your Decision are also standing.
South East- As previous but The Peace Party and The Roman Party are standing.
London- As previous but with Gene Alcatara, Steven Cheung, Jan Jananayagam, Sohale Rahman and Haroon Saad standing as independents and Yes to Europe also standing.
In many ways MPs expenses have been worth every penny, I haven't laughed so much in years.
Oh come on a male MP buying tampons, nappies and women's clothes, or some toff scamming repairs to his tennis court and moat cleaning! How exactly does one go about cleaning a moat or more to the point being posh enough to have one? Then of course I remembered I and my other chums the tax payers were footing the bill and that I've still not received the tax rebate I'm due.
Growing up with the standard left wing West of Scotland upbringing I was I suppose natural Labour territory but living in close proximity to the horror of Glasgow City Council put paid to any illusions I may have had about their integrity. Ah yes I remember it well Pat Lally's repellent nephew boasting about being dropped off at school in the provosts limo. All the same I naively thought Labour corruption was a 'Glasgow problem' caused by a sheep like Tory phobic electorate who would rather vote for a rotting corpse in a red rosette than in their own interests.
Similarly I believed the Tory corruption, that became apparent in the last days of the Major government was a result, not of any inherent dishonesty in the Tory party but the inevitable result of being in power too long.
I daresay there is a degree of truth in that. Long running administrations of any stripe are bound to be attractive to opportunists on the make but I think this latest round of expenses scandals reveals something far more rotten and disturbing. No party is spared, not one. These people really are a class apart -who or what on earth gave them the idea that they were entitled to live lives so far removed from the rest of us at our expense? The frightening thing is I think some of them honestly believe that tennis court repairs and the like are essential for them to carry out their jobs, in other words there's no point serving the public or pretending to unless you are allowed to live like a king on the back of it.
Worse than the claims themselves is the 'it was within the rules, it's not me it's the system'. I must suggest that to one of my clients as a possible defence if they happen to spot a loophole in the benefit rules. I'm quite certain that both the DWP and police will be entirely sympathetic. For heaven's sake people refrain from doing all sorts of perfectly legal things because they think it is immoral to do so. If these clowns can't tell the difference between something being legal and being compulsory then can I suggest they find something more suited to their abilities like competitive mouth breathing. You notice that despite being the very folk with the power to reform the system none of them felt so strongly that they raised the matter in parliament with a view to any sort of reform. One can only imagine their howls of outrage at the awful system as they looked at their bank statements and watched the money roll in.
Then there is the flipping scam -no wonder they didn't want to restore any level of sanity to the housing market -the bastards were coining it in! I wonder if any of them as they played their part putting homes out of the reach of key workers and first time buyers ever felt a single seconds guilt. Did those representing less affluent constituencies and reading their post bag containing various tales of housing hell from people better than they'll ever be not reflect for a moment that what they were doing was wrong? Marie Antoinette was beheaded for less.
Being ripped off is bad enough but readers of The Guardian and The Telegraph were treated to that despicable little dirtbag MacShane insulting their intelligence with his assertion that if they don't vote Labour or for one of the big parties then the BNP will get in. In other words you can't risk a protest vote without getting something worse so keep eating shit peasants. Of course if he and his corrupt pals weren't such a bunch of grasping low lifes they might be able to point out a few faults with the BNP but instead they've left themselves in no position to point fingers at anyone. Quite frankly Labour have run a better campaign for the BNP then anything that shower could manage. Still you'd almost think the BNP were the only party standing the way he's carrying on but of course two minutes on google provides you with a world of choice in finding a home for your cheeky protest without your 'racial foreigner' chums thinking you want to send them back. To save you the hassle I will provide a handy list below.
Cheerio
Scotland- Green, SNP, SSP, NO2EU, Socialist Labour Party, Christian Party Christian Peoples Alliance, Jury Team, UKIP and Duncan Robertson (Independent).
Northern Ireland -No candidates from any of the big three your choices are here.
Wales- Green, Plaid Cymru, NO2EU, Jury Team, UKIP, Christian Party Christian Peoples Alliance and Socialist Labour Party.
England (By Region)
North East - Green, NO2EU, Jury Team, UKIP, English Democrats, Christian Party Christian Peoples Alliance, Socialist Labour Party and Libertas.
Yorkshire and the Humber - See above
West Midlands -See above
East Midlands -See above
North West -As previous but with a lone independent Francis Apaloo
East of England- As previous but the independent candidate is Peter Rigby and Animals Count are also standing.
South West- As previous but Mebyon Kernow, Pensioners Party and Your Decision are also standing.
South East- As previous but The Peace Party and The Roman Party are standing.
London- As previous but with Gene Alcatara, Steven Cheung, Jan Jananayagam, Sohale Rahman and Haroon Saad standing as independents and Yes to Europe also standing.
5/08/2009
An Election Dilemma
Hello,
I was wildly excited this morning when my polling card for next months European election landed on my doormat. I'm perfectly serious, I love voting. God alone knows why, as far as I can tell you'd have more influence if you locked yourself in a public convenience and wrote dirty words on a wall. For some reason by the time polling day comes I have worked myself into such a state that I come to believe that the whole election hangs on my vote. On wrong X and Labour could get in yet again!
Which brings me to my troubling dilemma. Having looked at the choice on offer I have whittled it down to two lucky finalists. I rather like the SNP candidate and think he would do a good job but that's a bit of a waste in Europe as it's a gigantic undemocratic, expenses scam. He seems like a nice chap but what if he got in with a bad crowd on the expenses scene? Think about it, he'd be the new boy, feeling a bit alone then the cool crowd take an interest in him. He feels great and bit flattered to have such exciting new friends and that's when they'll pounce! What if they corner him and tell him he's a pussy if he doesn't bump up his expenses. Of course he'd be the one caught and made an example of and no one would believe that the bullies made him do it and in real life he's a fellow brought up with the utmost care by respectable parents. All that's wrtong with him is that he's pro-EU.
It's a schoolyard classic used to happen all the time round the smokers during my days at secondary. I'll never forget the day poor Jatinder got booted out of school for grand larceny after being lured into leading role in a badly planned school equipment heist by the neds. I'm afraid it was partly my fault, he was a perfectly well behaved boy until a teacher made him my 'special responsibility' on account of what she felt was my 'calming influence'. Unfortunately he resented my authority and rebelled with disastrous consequences. With hindsight I could have handled the whole situation better. Instead of treating him like a person I acted like I'd been given a toy. If I wasn't threatening to debag him and spank his bare arse in front of the whole school I was trying to put baubles in his hair or lipstick on his face. Never underestimate the havoc that can be wrought by getting in with the wrong sort of folk. If you're reading Jatinder I really am very sorry.
God that was a wander wasn't it? Anyway the second lucky finalist is No2EU who will not be taking up their seat if elected and take a dim view of the European Union so the risks of them getting in with a bad crowd are minimal. Then there is also the opportunity of a European election to register a wee protest at that monstrous union of crooks and it does seem a shame to duck the issue by voting for a pro-EU candidate. In truth it's the haunting fear of splitting the anti-Labour vote that puts me off because my one piddly vote is so vastly important.
My question to you all is have you ever had a polling booth dilemma and how did you resolve it?
Honestly I'm like an alkie who doesn't know whether to tan the rum or the vodka first. I do not want your opinions on my choices, what I'm looking for is a good system to assist me weigh up the pros and cons.
Cheerio
I was wildly excited this morning when my polling card for next months European election landed on my doormat. I'm perfectly serious, I love voting. God alone knows why, as far as I can tell you'd have more influence if you locked yourself in a public convenience and wrote dirty words on a wall. For some reason by the time polling day comes I have worked myself into such a state that I come to believe that the whole election hangs on my vote. On wrong X and Labour could get in yet again!
Which brings me to my troubling dilemma. Having looked at the choice on offer I have whittled it down to two lucky finalists. I rather like the SNP candidate and think he would do a good job but that's a bit of a waste in Europe as it's a gigantic undemocratic, expenses scam. He seems like a nice chap but what if he got in with a bad crowd on the expenses scene? Think about it, he'd be the new boy, feeling a bit alone then the cool crowd take an interest in him. He feels great and bit flattered to have such exciting new friends and that's when they'll pounce! What if they corner him and tell him he's a pussy if he doesn't bump up his expenses. Of course he'd be the one caught and made an example of and no one would believe that the bullies made him do it and in real life he's a fellow brought up with the utmost care by respectable parents. All that's wrtong with him is that he's pro-EU.
It's a schoolyard classic used to happen all the time round the smokers during my days at secondary. I'll never forget the day poor Jatinder got booted out of school for grand larceny after being lured into leading role in a badly planned school equipment heist by the neds. I'm afraid it was partly my fault, he was a perfectly well behaved boy until a teacher made him my 'special responsibility' on account of what she felt was my 'calming influence'. Unfortunately he resented my authority and rebelled with disastrous consequences. With hindsight I could have handled the whole situation better. Instead of treating him like a person I acted like I'd been given a toy. If I wasn't threatening to debag him and spank his bare arse in front of the whole school I was trying to put baubles in his hair or lipstick on his face. Never underestimate the havoc that can be wrought by getting in with the wrong sort of folk. If you're reading Jatinder I really am very sorry.
God that was a wander wasn't it? Anyway the second lucky finalist is No2EU who will not be taking up their seat if elected and take a dim view of the European Union so the risks of them getting in with a bad crowd are minimal. Then there is also the opportunity of a European election to register a wee protest at that monstrous union of crooks and it does seem a shame to duck the issue by voting for a pro-EU candidate. In truth it's the haunting fear of splitting the anti-Labour vote that puts me off because my one piddly vote is so vastly important.
My question to you all is have you ever had a polling booth dilemma and how did you resolve it?
Honestly I'm like an alkie who doesn't know whether to tan the rum or the vodka first. I do not want your opinions on my choices, what I'm looking for is a good system to assist me weigh up the pros and cons.
Cheerio
5/03/2009
Some Interesting Ideas
Hello,
I see The Independent has made the grave error of publishing an article on the subject of social housing. I expect the author is lying in a darkened room muttering 'all I did was relay the results of a report on social housing'. The response is incredible and prompts me to propose a social experiment. Why don't we all find a member of the underclass, beat the shit out them until they become as wealthy as Bill Gates, in which case we'll know they were skiving all along. Of course should any of us beat one to death, it will be unfortunate but at least we'll know they were a proper pov and couldn't help it. Most important of all it will save the tax payer money. Let's not forget that money rules and any life without monetary value is worthless.
Let's have a few quotes shall we?
'I definitely think the idea of social housing mixed with private is an utter disgrace. Why on earth should someone who has worked damned hard to save for a home and buy one at great expense and pay the bills be two or three doors away from some single youngster with her noisy brood of ear ringed 6 year old brats and pack of barking dogs.' -Mekap
For the love of God lets find out where this tit lives, gang up and set a gypsy camp on his front lawn. Does it not occur to him that the last thing a merry woman of pleasure needs is a pursed lipped puritan for a neighbour when she's busy grabbing life by the throat. Dear Lord there are standards but one simply can't live up to them without being a total bore. Some of us have cats others have mouths like cat's arses it's the way of the world.
'There is a simple answer to avoiding the phenomenon of generation upon generation of benefit dependents on these council estates: don't allow those who are benefits to get pregnant. You want benefits? Then you receive a contraceptive implant. You want to have children? Get a job so you can support them.' -RobertCLondon
Yes Robert, that would work. Let's implant women with a contraceptive that carries fairly unpleasant side effects whether or not they get themselves pregnant. God forbid a man should ever be asked to regulate his own fertility by using a condom or having the snip. Of course the fact that the majority of claimants are on benefits for six months or less is neither here nor there. As indeed the existance of childless benefit claimants who have no intention of breeding.
'We should follow the concentration camp idea through toa logical conclusion and exterminate the roaches and spongers who live on estates. They are nothing but human garbage.' -Bobsilentio
Well the granny and papa Clairwils (scheme scum) have already gone so it's too late to make them pay for having the effrontery to be born in poverty. It's too late to make maternal granny Clairwil pay for being forced to leave school at thirteen because 'she was needed in the house'. On the plus side both my parents are still alive so they can be killed for the grave sin of being born in council houses or do they get off for repenting and becoming home owners.
I get the distinct impression that the people who submit these comments don't actually know anyone who lives in social housing which is odd. I get the whiff of so painfully lower middle class it hurts. Rather than comment they'd be as well typing 'WHY CANT EVERYONE BE LIKE ME?'.
It would save time and let the casual reader get to the root of the problem.
Right I'm off to count my money because I'm worth it.
Cheerio
I see The Independent has made the grave error of publishing an article on the subject of social housing. I expect the author is lying in a darkened room muttering 'all I did was relay the results of a report on social housing'. The response is incredible and prompts me to propose a social experiment. Why don't we all find a member of the underclass, beat the shit out them until they become as wealthy as Bill Gates, in which case we'll know they were skiving all along. Of course should any of us beat one to death, it will be unfortunate but at least we'll know they were a proper pov and couldn't help it. Most important of all it will save the tax payer money. Let's not forget that money rules and any life without monetary value is worthless.
Let's have a few quotes shall we?
'I definitely think the idea of social housing mixed with private is an utter disgrace. Why on earth should someone who has worked damned hard to save for a home and buy one at great expense and pay the bills be two or three doors away from some single youngster with her noisy brood of ear ringed 6 year old brats and pack of barking dogs.' -Mekap
For the love of God lets find out where this tit lives, gang up and set a gypsy camp on his front lawn. Does it not occur to him that the last thing a merry woman of pleasure needs is a pursed lipped puritan for a neighbour when she's busy grabbing life by the throat. Dear Lord there are standards but one simply can't live up to them without being a total bore. Some of us have cats others have mouths like cat's arses it's the way of the world.
'There is a simple answer to avoiding the phenomenon of generation upon generation of benefit dependents on these council estates: don't allow those who are benefits to get pregnant. You want benefits? Then you receive a contraceptive implant. You want to have children? Get a job so you can support them.' -RobertCLondon
Yes Robert, that would work. Let's implant women with a contraceptive that carries fairly unpleasant side effects whether or not they get themselves pregnant. God forbid a man should ever be asked to regulate his own fertility by using a condom or having the snip. Of course the fact that the majority of claimants are on benefits for six months or less is neither here nor there. As indeed the existance of childless benefit claimants who have no intention of breeding.
'We should follow the concentration camp idea through toa logical conclusion and exterminate the roaches and spongers who live on estates. They are nothing but human garbage.' -Bobsilentio
Well the granny and papa Clairwils (scheme scum) have already gone so it's too late to make them pay for having the effrontery to be born in poverty. It's too late to make maternal granny Clairwil pay for being forced to leave school at thirteen because 'she was needed in the house'. On the plus side both my parents are still alive so they can be killed for the grave sin of being born in council houses or do they get off for repenting and becoming home owners.
I get the distinct impression that the people who submit these comments don't actually know anyone who lives in social housing which is odd. I get the whiff of so painfully lower middle class it hurts. Rather than comment they'd be as well typing 'WHY CANT EVERYONE BE LIKE ME?'.
It would save time and let the casual reader get to the root of the problem.
Right I'm off to count my money because I'm worth it.
Cheerio
5/01/2009
Gays Wot Shower In The Nude
Hello,
Pootling about the internet takes one to some strange places where one finds out some strange things. Take this highly credible tale of Jack Tweed's 'THREE' encounters with Boy George in the prison showers.
Poor Jack 'turned white and legged it' after stumbling upon 'naked gay' Boy George washing in a communal shower room. I'm sure all of you will join me in condemning this outrage. As if it's not bad enough being a gay George has to go and become one of those naked gays and wash in a shower room!
Quite why The Sun didn't go the whole hog and add a bit of accidental soap dropping into this puerile fear of the queers toss is unclear. Obviously had George been loitering by a radiator, brandishing handcuffs then one would be wise to vacate the area but I don't find his reported behaviour in the showers particularly alarming even if there was 'fleeting eye contact'. Then again I'm not one of those uniformly irresistible heterosexual men who drive all gay men without exception mad with lust.
Personally taking into account the two chaps form I think George has more to fear from Jack who let's face it is a pretty repellent little thug. In the unlikely event there is any truth to this non story Jack might want to reflect on his fear and consider how his victims felt as he assaulted them.
However the article takes a surprising twist towards in the end when it is revealed that Jack is worried about falling in love so soon after Jade's death and isn't sure if he'll ever get another girlfriend. Is this bad writing? An attempt at an explanation for Jack's fear of naked gays and their fleeting eye contact? What are they trying to tell us?
Cheerio
Pootling about the internet takes one to some strange places where one finds out some strange things. Take this highly credible tale of Jack Tweed's 'THREE' encounters with Boy George in the prison showers.
Poor Jack 'turned white and legged it' after stumbling upon 'naked gay' Boy George washing in a communal shower room. I'm sure all of you will join me in condemning this outrage. As if it's not bad enough being a gay George has to go and become one of those naked gays and wash in a shower room!
Quite why The Sun didn't go the whole hog and add a bit of accidental soap dropping into this puerile fear of the queers toss is unclear. Obviously had George been loitering by a radiator, brandishing handcuffs then one would be wise to vacate the area but I don't find his reported behaviour in the showers particularly alarming even if there was 'fleeting eye contact'. Then again I'm not one of those uniformly irresistible heterosexual men who drive all gay men without exception mad with lust.
Personally taking into account the two chaps form I think George has more to fear from Jack who let's face it is a pretty repellent little thug. In the unlikely event there is any truth to this non story Jack might want to reflect on his fear and consider how his victims felt as he assaulted them.
However the article takes a surprising twist towards in the end when it is revealed that Jack is worried about falling in love so soon after Jade's death and isn't sure if he'll ever get another girlfriend. Is this bad writing? An attempt at an explanation for Jack's fear of naked gays and their fleeting eye contact? What are they trying to tell us?
Cheerio
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)