In many ways MPs expenses have been worth every penny, I haven't laughed so much in years.
Oh come on a male MP buying tampons, nappies and women's clothes, or some toff scamming repairs to his tennis court and moat cleaning! How exactly does one go about cleaning a moat or more to the point being posh enough to have one? Then of course I remembered I and my other chums the tax payers were footing the bill and that I've still not received the tax rebate I'm due.
Growing up with the standard left wing West of Scotland upbringing I was I suppose natural Labour territory but living in close proximity to the horror of Glasgow City Council put paid to any illusions I may have had about their integrity. Ah yes I remember it well Pat Lally's repellent nephew boasting about being dropped off at school in the provosts limo. All the same I naively thought Labour corruption was a 'Glasgow problem' caused by a sheep like Tory phobic electorate who would rather vote for a rotting corpse in a red rosette than in their own interests.
Similarly I believed the Tory corruption, that became apparent in the last days of the Major government was a result, not of any inherent dishonesty in the Tory party but the inevitable result of being in power too long.
I daresay there is a degree of truth in that. Long running administrations of any stripe are bound to be attractive to opportunists on the make but I think this latest round of expenses scandals reveals something far more rotten and disturbing. No party is spared, not one. These people really are a class apart -who or what on earth gave them the idea that they were entitled to live lives so far removed from the rest of us at our expense? The frightening thing is I think some of them honestly believe that tennis court repairs and the like are essential for them to carry out their jobs, in other words there's no point serving the public or pretending to unless you are allowed to live like a king on the back of it.
Worse than the claims themselves is the 'it was within the rules, it's not me it's the system'. I must suggest that to one of my clients as a possible defence if they happen to spot a loophole in the benefit rules. I'm quite certain that both the DWP and police will be entirely sympathetic. For heaven's sake people refrain from doing all sorts of perfectly legal things because they think it is immoral to do so. If these clowns can't tell the difference between something being legal and being compulsory then can I suggest they find something more suited to their abilities like competitive mouth breathing. You notice that despite being the very folk with the power to reform the system none of them felt so strongly that they raised the matter in parliament with a view to any sort of reform. One can only imagine their howls of outrage at the awful system as they looked at their bank statements and watched the money roll in.
Then there is the flipping scam -no wonder they didn't want to restore any level of sanity to the housing market -the bastards were coining it in! I wonder if any of them as they played their part putting homes out of the reach of key workers and first time buyers ever felt a single seconds guilt. Did those representing less affluent constituencies and reading their post bag containing various tales of housing hell from people better than they'll ever be not reflect for a moment that what they were doing was wrong? Marie Antoinette was beheaded for less.
Being ripped off is bad enough but readers of The Guardian and The Telegraph were treated to that despicable little dirtbag MacShane insulting their intelligence with his assertion that if they don't vote Labour or for one of the big parties then the BNP will get in. In other words you can't risk a protest vote without getting something worse so keep eating shit peasants. Of course if he and his corrupt pals weren't such a bunch of grasping low lifes they might be able to point out a few faults with the BNP but instead they've left themselves in no position to point fingers at anyone. Quite frankly Labour have run a better campaign for the BNP then anything that shower could manage. Still you'd almost think the BNP were the only party standing the way he's carrying on but of course two minutes on google provides you with a world of choice in finding a home for your cheeky protest without your 'racial foreigner' chums thinking you want to send them back. To save you the hassle I will provide a handy list below.
Scotland- Green, SNP, SSP, NO2EU, Socialist Labour Party, Christian Party Christian Peoples Alliance, Jury Team, UKIP and Duncan Robertson (Independent).
Northern Ireland -No candidates from any of the big three your choices are here.
Wales- Green, Plaid Cymru, NO2EU, Jury Team, UKIP, Christian Party Christian Peoples Alliance and Socialist Labour Party.
England (By Region)
North East - Green, NO2EU, Jury Team, UKIP, English Democrats, Christian Party Christian Peoples Alliance, Socialist Labour Party and Libertas.
Yorkshire and the Humber - See above
West Midlands -See above
East Midlands -See above
North West -As previous but with a lone independent Francis Apaloo
East of England- As previous but the independent candidate is Peter Rigby and Animals Count are also standing.
South West- As previous but Mebyon Kernow, Pensioners Party and Your Decision are also standing.
South East- As previous but The Peace Party and The Roman Party are standing.
London- As previous but with Gene Alcatara, Steven Cheung, Jan Jananayagam, Sohale Rahman and Haroon Saad standing as independents and Yes to Europe also standing.