Showing posts with label liars. Show all posts
Showing posts with label liars. Show all posts

12/11/2009

Laughing All The Way To The Bank!

Hello,
Imagine if you will, getting up one day to find you'd been burgled and everything of value you owned had been nicked. Worse still you hadn't got round to renewing the insurance leaving you seriously out of pocket. Still not to worry -you're a plucky, robust sort. Of course you'll need to cut back a bit, raid the savings and maybe holiday at home next year. Still you say to yourself it could be worse at least none of your family were hurt during the burglary. Gradually the house starts to feel like home again and though you're still angry about the burglary, you can think of it without foaming at the mouth.

Then one day a postcard arrives. It's from the thief. He just wants to let you know he booked himself an extended holiday with the proceeds of the burglary and wanted to tell you all about the great laughs he's been having at your expense. The next morning his wife drops you a line to tell you about the lovely kettle she bought with that money you'd foolishly left on the sideboard. And not a word of thanks between them.

You'd be hopping mad, homicidal, crazed with rage. Walls would be punched, cats would be kicked, appliances would be hurled from top floor windows -only you don't have any appliances because the bastard burglar knicked them all. You'd be bloody furious so much so that you really would see the red mist there before your very eyes.

Someone nicking your stuff is bad enough but nicking your stuff and laughing at you is maddening beyond belief. You'd feel you were being goaded, belittled, insulted. You'd say he's taking the piss and you'd be right.

The above just about sums up how I feel about the article I linked to in my last post written by Austin Mitchell MP . Not only has he robbed us with his extravagant expenses claims, he's popped along to The Guardian to tell us all just how bloody funny he thinks the whole thing is. And yes, his wife, his unelected wife is at the expenses as well, having just splashed out £75 for a kettle. Some bird who happens to live with a MP has spent £75 of our money, £10:70 more than a single unemployed person gets to live on in a week, on a wretched bloody kettle. A kettle.

Words fail me! I'm reduced to opening and shutting my mouth like a big purple faced fish. Talk about a brassneck. As if the article itself isn't offensive enough he's laughing in his byline photo. Laughing at us like a man with a fucking subsidised kettle.

From time to time I fill out Community Care Grant forms for my more impoverished clients to help them buy furniture and household goods. There are no £75 kettles for these folk. As the grants are drawn from a limited budget people are expected seek out the bargains so whilst you might want a £75 kettle, the decision maker will call you up establish that you own a pot and your hob works therefore you don't need a kettle. Fancy a fridge? Not if you have a windowsill to keep a pint of milk on and no essential medication that needs keeping cool. What about an oven? No -you own a perfectly good microwave. A Duck House - no chance! A Bell Tower -piss off! Removal of that troublesome wisteria - when hell freezes over.

These grants are applied for by people with disabilities, ex-homeless and the like who have no savings and rely entirely on benefits for their income. They don't get £60,000 p/a -these are folk on four figure annual incomes. Perhaps one of the good socialists of the Labour Party could enlighten us. Are these people receiving far, far less help than they're due or having you lot just been ripping the piss right out of your expenses? After all expenses are just for what you need not wee treats. Or are some pigs more equal than others?

Cheerio

6/04/2009

A Question for Jim Devine

Hello,
I was out on one of my strolls round yon internet when I dropped in to the excellent SNP Tactical Voting blog and came across this article regarding Jim Devine MP and his mysterious tradesmen which points out an inconsistency in Mr Devine's fantastic tale of men in pubs and woodworking publicans. I must say it's all most unfortunate.

However what caught my eye was a comment left by an anonymous poster, who really should have put their name to it so that we could all have bought them pints and patted them on the back. I'm slightly peeved at myself for not thinking of it first, all I can say in my defence was that I was too busy laughing at Jimmy boy's preposterous tale. Anyway anonymous asks an excellent question and one which I think we'd all like an answer to

'Re his other scam--the £2000 plus for electrical work to his London flat. I know that he met a man in a pub who carried out the work then slipped a dodgy invoice under his door. WHAT HAPPENED NEXT? He couldn't have sent a cheque since the address on the invoice didn't exist. So did he go back to the same pub and pay the man in used fivers? I haven't heard his account of how he paid the bill---can anyone enlighten me?'

Taking into account Jim's piss poor excuses to date I have no doubt the answer will involve a magic cow named Henry, The A Team, a very large magnet and a golden unicorn. To be fair that would be more credible than anything he's come up with thus far.

I am mad with curiosity now as to how the bill was paid. I mean if he sent a cheque it would have been returned or have remained uncashed. Did the mysterious electrician come to collect payment or did Jim have to visit his business premises which appear to be a pub? Only two men know the answer and as one of them is either dead or up north we shall have to ask Jim. Happily Jim is a pretty open sort of guy and lists a whopping FIVE ways to contact him on his website. Not only that he's friendly too and is quite clear that we should not hesitate to contact him if he can be of assistance. Good old Jim!

So join me in asking Jim the all important questions -how was the bill paid and can your mate Tom O'Donnelly reccommend a good plasterer?

Cheerio

7/20/2008

Eavesdropping

Hello,
It's not a habit I'm proud of but I do enjoy a good eavesdrop so when I overheard a Labour activist by the name of Frank chatting to an accquitance about the campaign I couldn't help but take an active interest.

Could Frank be the most sensible man in the Labour Party? I merely ask because his opinion of the current state of the party seems to chime with my own -well up to a point.

He thinks very highly of Margaret Curran, I am somewhat less impressed though I'd wholeheartedly agree with his view that she should have been first choice rather than fourth or fifth. She is without doubt the best of a pretty poor bunch.

Poor Frank like me is at a loss as to who the new leader in the Scottish Parliament should be. With Margaret Curran out the running he's not too impressed with the remaining candidates. He reckons Andy Kerr will get it despite being 'another mamby-pamby'.

I doubt he'd endorse my wholehearted support of Charlie Gordon for the job. I somehow can't see a staunch Labour man finding an even bigger laughing stock in charge as funny as I do.

Cheerio

6/22/2008

Oh Dear God No!

Hello,
I note that Mr Tsvangirai has pulled out of the election. Whilst I disapprove of the decision I cannot say with any certainty it was wrong or that in his shoes I'd have done differently. It's the easiest thing in the world for me to sit on my big pampered Scottish arse and say he should hold out as it will be best in the long run but to sit back and actually see people slaughtered is another matter entirely. I remain appalled and disappointed that there seems to be no end to the situation. If I had any influence I'd tell the Vatican to excommunicate Mugabe -after all if a woman who has an abortion at any stage of pregnancy can be kicked out the church then I see no reason to allow a mass murderer membership. I did raise this with a Catholic of my acquaintance who retorted that 'at least he isn't Islam'. Remind me again why Catholics are far too grand to go to school with the rest of us? Full of religion and fuck all Christianity- frankly exposure to normal people would do them a power of good.

Anyway to amble back towards the point I intended to make.
Thabo Mbeki is a swine. Volumes are spoken by his silence. I deplore war and whilst I'm no pacifist wish to see it avoided at every reasonable cost but if Mbeki cared about his fellow Africans, his nation and country men and women he'd issue a firm threat of military action to his chum Mugabe. At least two million Zimbabwean refugees are living in squalor in South Africa which tells us all we need to know about conditions in Zimbabwe.

When I was a girl I used to send a portion of my pocket money to the ANC to help free Mandela. If I'd realised Mandela for all his flaws was the nearest to decent they had I'd have blown the lot on Merrydown cider, big earrings, joss sticks and drugs. What a bunch of stenchers -African Labour party anyone?

Whether Mbeki likes it or not, it is his problem. The black poor of South Africa can no more afford refugees than a double garage and swimming pool each. In his own country's interest, if no other he must take decisive action. Removing Mugabe could reduce the population of South Africa by at least two million and ease the burden on the impoverished communities who support them.

Quiet diplomacy isn't working, there is no negotiation with someone who reckons God is more important that the electorate. Get in there, remove Mugabe and lets see a Zimbabwe worth existing.

Cheerio

3/06/2008

This, That and The Other

Hello,
I'm still business planning like a beast and haven't done an awful lot of blogging as some of you may have noticed. I might be off on my travels again -this time to Brighton for another course towards the end of the month so expect another absence around that time.

Anyway I am pleased to note that 'Adam Smith Was A Socialist' has paid me the compliment of stating that I'm wilder than Professor Harvie. I have to say I've heard tales of wild professors but I've yet to meet one. The best I can do is a mild mannered professor who has a relative with 'FUCK PORTSMOUTH' tattooed round his neck. Apparently he was in the navy.

On the subject of Professor Harvie I must confess I'm a fan. I'm not sure if Lockerbie is a dump but from the five minutes I spent there on a dismal coach trip to Spain many years back I can confirm it looks depressing. Can the locals be blamed for hitting the bottle? That said I'm not the best judge of these things I thought the SSP were depressing when I was a member. It was only after my exit that news of orgies and the sort of things I believe in reached my ears. Of course by then it was too late. Perhaps there is more to Lockerbie than meets the eye.

I've no idea but I'm not sure why Lockerbie should be exempt from criticism because it has seen a bit of tragedy in recent years.

As for Carlisle I cannot comment I've used the services on it's outskirts a few times and have no recollection of the experience.

My heart soared when he described the young pups of Scotland as the worst dressed in Europe. If I may be critical for a moment I think he was too kind. They are in fact the worst dressed in the world. If I see another pair of man tits wobbling in a tracksuit I am at serious risk of becoming violent. Sportswear is for doing sports in, not spitting at bus stops and signing on in. It's a question of self-respect. When I was on the dole I used to sign on in a tiara. It riled them something awful! I loved it. The professors suggestion that youths take to wearing knickerbockers instead is long overdue and most welcome in my book, though I'd settle for them putting any amount of thought into their attire and coming up with something stylish. If you're going to useless in life at least be good to look at.

The professor himself has a distinctive look. It's not an immediate hit, it's true. In fact I remember chasing a fellow dressed in a similar fashion and calling him an 'awful slug' and a 'Gordon' as a child. My chums and I finally caught up with him and demanded that he identify himself . The poor chap made the terrible mistake of producing a pair of opera glasses and asking if we wanted a shot. Naturally we subjected him to a degree of torture until his family took him to Saudi Arabia for a while. But that was years ago these days I admire a country gent. I most certainly wouldn't want to sleep with one but I'd take their advice. It's a look that commands attention.

I'm also a sucker for virtually anyone who gets the popular goat. Unless they're mocking Diana which is obviously wrong on the grounds that she was the monarchy's answer to Dastardly and Mutley, had nice legs and ran rings round 'intellectual prince Chazza'.

In other news tomorrow is 'Women's Day' which, in Britain will be ignored by most, give folk who organise community events to celebrate it a small thrill as they kid themselves they're doing something radical and achieve nothing. In the meantime the women who would actually benefit from a bit of action on their behalf will carry on as normal unsafe in the knowledge that their 'sisters' were only ever in it for personal career advantage and no-one gives a fuck.


Cheerio

10/22/2007

A Mysterious Incident in The Office.

Hello,
I did promise you all a tale about my irritating work colleague so here it is. I did have a sketch to accompany it but my scanner is in a huff, so you'll need to wait for that. In the meantime here goes.

On Friday morning my irritating colleague called in sick stating he'd suffered 'a fall'. For reasons that are beyond me he turned up at the office at lunch time to explain face to face that he wouldn't be in. As he was due in at 10am by lunchtime we'd all worked that out.

Imagine my surprise and delight when he appeared reeking to high heaven of drink with cuts to both sides of his face his nose and knuckles still claiming to have fallen. A story he stuck to even after the entire office had stated it was obvious he's been in a fight.

His 'story' is that he was coming back from the pub and slipped on some gravel on a 'steep hill' after which everything conveniently goes blank. Now I'm no expert on forensics, in truth I am not even incompetent in it, however how is it possible to fall on your face and not only graze both knuckles but cut one's nose quite deeply, scrape both cheekbones and get a black eye?

Being an unusually clumsy individual I am expert on the subject of falling and those injuries aren't consistent with a fall. So the question arises what fucking hero walloped him? Who is the chap? What does he drink? What happened?

I am afraid I have become obsessed with uncovering the truth. So much so that Mr Clairwil half expects to me turn up in a deerstalker which is just silly, I see myself as more in the Miss Marple mould. I have even retraced his steps from the pub and can report that there is no loose gravel and no steep hills.

I suspect I know the motive all I'm missing is the perpetrator. I will keep you posted.

9/15/2007

Some men hate all women all the time.........

Hello,
It's fair to say that Felicity J Lowde and I will never be chums. I think she's mental, she thinks she isn't. Instead she reckons I'm mental and I'm fucked if I'm going to concede points to the enemy. Quite apart from anything else -urinals? I did pee in one a while back but that was an emergency and I got a round of applause from the chaps but other than that I'm indifferent to them.


Anyway she's out and about after a stint in the slammer with an appeal against her conviction coming up. At any rate she is at the present time an ex-prisoner. So I was somewhat shocked to see these comments on her blog from an ex-prisoner turned prisoners rights campaigner on her blog.

'Glad to hear that you are homeless. I am sure that men will give you a bed for the night in return for your sexual favours.'

'So, not only have you lost your head you have lost your house. LOL.'

That a prominent, self- identified supporter of Rachel North would leave such nasty, provocative and unpleasant comments on her stalker's blog beggars belief. For God's sake is he trying to take Rachel's mind off her mothers death by getting her stalked again? Or does he just enjoy a bit of cyber mud-wrestling? After all it is only women we're talking about. Not proper humans with dicks.

I'm also surprised that a campaigner for prisoners rights would take any pleasure in seeing an ex-con homeless. One would have thought the least someone returning to straight and narrow path would need is somewhere to live and enough to keep them from starvation. After all an unstable lifestyle is hardly a recipe for a productive, socially acceptable future. Or is it just rights for misogynist murderers convicted of manslaughter he's into?

Also slightly odd is his apparent glee at someone with obvious mental problems having gone through the system coming out the other side no better. Surely her plight demonstrates what an appalling waste of time jailing the mentally ill is. If there were better services for the mentally ill in the community a good deal of crime could be avoided.

I cannot work out whether his comments come from a general hatred of women, quite likely given his past history and the apparent inability, demonstrated in his first comment, to regard an impoverished woman as good for more than fucking.

Something tells me someone is more about self- promotion than defending the marginalised or are prisoners rights for men only? With his constant boasting about hits and his inability to see he's little more than a liberal freakshow I think I know the answer to that one.

Cheerio