Hello,
I cannot bear another news item about the credit crunch. Honestly the media are in a masturbatory frenzy at the thought of thirty mile dole queues. I know they're stuck for stuff to write about now that media interest in me has died down (I'm not kidding look and look) but this pessimism is appalling and inexcusable especially now that we're all shareholders.
Anyway I have decided to ignore the credit crunch in the hope it goes away. If I see another item on the news about a hard working family who are worried about running out of oven chips or whatever it is these painfully suburban clowns eat I will commit a sex crime in the street. Then you'll all be sorry.
In any case this mayhem is made worse by people freaking out. I write as someone struggling to absorb the knowledge that I'm related to people who've withdrawn all their savings from the bank. Come to think of it I had no idea I was related to people with savings. Still one copes any way one can I intend to offer to clean their homes making sure I turn every mattress! Any rapid withdrawal of cleaning services and missing money will of course be unfortunate coincidence.
As is frequently pointed out I am economically illiterate but surely everyone hoarding money is biscuit tins is bad for the economy. To my mind it's anti-social behaviour. Savings are guaranteed up to £50,000 -if you have more than that you can afford to take a loss for the nation. For heaven's sake money is just dead trees until you spend it on something entertaining or useful. Anyone too dim to find something to blow it on should be compelled to hand it over to someone more imaginative -the gaiety of the nation is at stake.
All that said I'll be out of a job by the end of month and haven't managed to secure anything in the way of business or alternative paid employment. I've been skint before and I must say I don't approve of it. I am by nature extravagant and generous -like a sailor on shore leave only drunker. Still I won't die -my clients have rather touchingly rallied to the Clairwil cause and offered me three meals a day for as long as I want them. My parents have been rather generous too and written off a debt of £80 I owe them. Other than the swine at the national lottery who won't let me win people have been very kind.
I've also got plans to grow vegetables for my own amusement and the good of the community. The old guerrilla gardening is still taking up most of my time -if anyone would like to help see here. My idleness will be productive, enjoyable and feed a district. At the very least everyone will have access to free garnish with the herbs doing so well.
An economic downturn is a bit of a bitch but why let the fat cats see it upsets us. We saw off Hitler we can see off the cock ups of greedy bankers. Do not let them see it bothers us. Rise to the challenge and develop self reliance. That way you'll never feel grateful for their home improvement loans or credit cards when the good times roll again. In any case we're all shareholders now when the economy picks up we're all in line for massive dividends -seriously imagine the profit share we're going to get! I'm wildly excited and intend to spend as much as I can on jollity, frivolity and hats.
Cheerio
Showing posts with label me. Show all posts
Showing posts with label me. Show all posts
10/19/2008
10/07/2008
Bloody Hell!
Hello,
Only recently I was reminiscing about the short lived staff suggestion box in the Royal Bank of Scotland. It was one of the few things about my time working there I rather liked.
Naturally not one of my suggestions was taken up -though they did once start issuing a standard letter I'd rewritten to customers. For all the good it did. Who knew the elderly middle classes were too stupid to read? Clowns the lot of them! The one spark of joy in all this is the thought of them losing their savings. Mind you I expect they'll all be frantically relocating the children's cash inheritance to Eire. God help the poor Irish bank workers they'll be plagued with moneyed loons calling up asking 'why are you Irish?' and getting in a strop about them taking 'English jobs'. Take a tip from me I spent years telling them they'd put their money in a Scottish bank based in Scotland and that a lot of folk in Scotland were Scottish but that I'd be delighted to close their account if it was a problem. Not once did I get one of them to close their account. Bastards.
Anyway in a moment of compassion I decided to cheer up the poor sod charged with the task of wading through the staff suggestions by adding at least one every day. You should have seen some of the pitiful crap my colleagues put in. 'Please fix the toilets on the fourth floor', 'can we have a kettle please?', 'why does Fred Goodwin never visit our office?'. At least I was looking at the stars. I demanded a pet's corner, more holidays, flexi time, a pay rise, a lovely canteen, a boycott of Saudi Arabia more training, secondment opportunities and doubtless the moon on a stick.
Mind you I also demanded that the bank be nationalised and run for the enrichment of the workers. Could someone be paying attention at long last? That was the last one I expected them to adopt!
Cheerio
Only recently I was reminiscing about the short lived staff suggestion box in the Royal Bank of Scotland. It was one of the few things about my time working there I rather liked.
Naturally not one of my suggestions was taken up -though they did once start issuing a standard letter I'd rewritten to customers. For all the good it did. Who knew the elderly middle classes were too stupid to read? Clowns the lot of them! The one spark of joy in all this is the thought of them losing their savings. Mind you I expect they'll all be frantically relocating the children's cash inheritance to Eire. God help the poor Irish bank workers they'll be plagued with moneyed loons calling up asking 'why are you Irish?' and getting in a strop about them taking 'English jobs'. Take a tip from me I spent years telling them they'd put their money in a Scottish bank based in Scotland and that a lot of folk in Scotland were Scottish but that I'd be delighted to close their account if it was a problem. Not once did I get one of them to close their account. Bastards.
Anyway in a moment of compassion I decided to cheer up the poor sod charged with the task of wading through the staff suggestions by adding at least one every day. You should have seen some of the pitiful crap my colleagues put in. 'Please fix the toilets on the fourth floor', 'can we have a kettle please?', 'why does Fred Goodwin never visit our office?'. At least I was looking at the stars. I demanded a pet's corner, more holidays, flexi time, a pay rise, a lovely canteen, a boycott of Saudi Arabia more training, secondment opportunities and doubtless the moon on a stick.
Mind you I also demanded that the bank be nationalised and run for the enrichment of the workers. Could someone be paying attention at long last? That was the last one I expected them to adopt!
Cheerio
4/07/2008
God It's Hard To Blog/ Save the Lollies
Hello,
It may be a peculiar quirk exclusive to me but it's bloody hard to blog when you're happy. Readers may be delighted to hear that I'm feeling very chipper. I've been very busy over the last week with my business stuff and was on a course in London over the weekend.
My tail is also in the air because I've just realised that my current business plan whilst good is rather too ambitious for a start up with my limited resources. I was chatting to someone over the weekend and suddenly realised that I've horribly over complicated everything. I need to sit down and do some hard sums and make a few phone calls but if I'm right I could be in business within the next couple of months. Not only that but I'll have the basis for a plan to expand my business within the next 18 months. I'm also grappling with a job application as I need a stop gap job while I'm getting started and this job pays a good £6000 per year more than my current one, is within walking distance of my home and if I'm honest is one of those made up jobs that provide one of the few skiving opportunities left to the 21st century worker. Assuming I'm successful I'd like to offer my sincere apologies to the tax payer but may it comfort them to know that they'll be helping to fund a business start up so it's not a complete waste.
Still that's enough about me. I want to draw your attention to the plight of the poor Lollipop men and women of Glasgow. The council in it's infinite wisdom has decided to get them picking up litter in addition to their other tasks. In fairness the council have given them a choice they can either pick up litter or take a cut in hours and pay.
Such is the climate of lunacy in the City Chambers they actually think this will make it easier to recruit new lollies. People this is how stupid they think we are and can you blame them? Why do we as a city trot along year after year and vote Labour muttering darkly that we 'cannae let a tory in'. My mums local councillor is a tory and having been in the position for roughly a million years is as pointless and complacent as any Labour councillor. Quite why the thought of a waster in a blue rosette is more terrifying than one in a red rosette has never been explained. All I know is that they must not be let in. Quite frankly I'm not fussy I'd rather The Natural Law Party were in charge than Labour.
Giving the poor lollies more work is an admission of failure on the part of the management of the cleansing department. Let's face it they've proven that the litter problem can be effectively managed -my fellow residents may recall how clean the city was when the Commonwealth Games application was under consideration. I'm awful for getting swept up in things but I foolishly thought that at last the council were starting to get it right. How wrong I was, we were like a fat man holding his stomach in as an attractive woman strolls by. As soon as the application was successful we let our muscles relax and started chucking half eaten kebabs about again.
Of course the wages paid to street sweepers are higher than those received by the lollies which has more to do with the decision than anything else. I understand that the council have a budget to work to and when limited funds are available sometimes cuts have to be made. However I presume the litter that is being dropped by school children and their half-witted parents on the way to school. So instead of making a badly paid but useful job harder why not get the schools involved and get the kiddiewinks litter picking? This would provide the children with an incentive not to drop litter, teach them an important lesson about actions and their consequences and make the place look better. Better still get them to sort the rubbish for recycling and teach them about all the marvellous things that can be made from rubbish if it's put in the correct place. It could be a nice little project for them they could write an essay on it or stand on a chair and bark or whatever it is they get up to in schools nowadays.
Failing that I note that councillors are now paid for their work surely with a bit of time management they could double up a litter pickers. I'm perfectly serious. I'd be rather impressed with any councillor willing to get their hands dirty and pitch in with the rest of us to improve the city. Unless of course our good 'socialist' councillors are far too grand for that sort of thing and would rather place the burden on the lowest paid workers instead.
It may be a peculiar quirk exclusive to me but it's bloody hard to blog when you're happy. Readers may be delighted to hear that I'm feeling very chipper. I've been very busy over the last week with my business stuff and was on a course in London over the weekend.
My tail is also in the air because I've just realised that my current business plan whilst good is rather too ambitious for a start up with my limited resources. I was chatting to someone over the weekend and suddenly realised that I've horribly over complicated everything. I need to sit down and do some hard sums and make a few phone calls but if I'm right I could be in business within the next couple of months. Not only that but I'll have the basis for a plan to expand my business within the next 18 months. I'm also grappling with a job application as I need a stop gap job while I'm getting started and this job pays a good £6000 per year more than my current one, is within walking distance of my home and if I'm honest is one of those made up jobs that provide one of the few skiving opportunities left to the 21st century worker. Assuming I'm successful I'd like to offer my sincere apologies to the tax payer but may it comfort them to know that they'll be helping to fund a business start up so it's not a complete waste.
Still that's enough about me. I want to draw your attention to the plight of the poor Lollipop men and women of Glasgow. The council in it's infinite wisdom has decided to get them picking up litter in addition to their other tasks. In fairness the council have given them a choice they can either pick up litter or take a cut in hours and pay.
Such is the climate of lunacy in the City Chambers they actually think this will make it easier to recruit new lollies. People this is how stupid they think we are and can you blame them? Why do we as a city trot along year after year and vote Labour muttering darkly that we 'cannae let a tory in'. My mums local councillor is a tory and having been in the position for roughly a million years is as pointless and complacent as any Labour councillor. Quite why the thought of a waster in a blue rosette is more terrifying than one in a red rosette has never been explained. All I know is that they must not be let in. Quite frankly I'm not fussy I'd rather The Natural Law Party were in charge than Labour.
Giving the poor lollies more work is an admission of failure on the part of the management of the cleansing department. Let's face it they've proven that the litter problem can be effectively managed -my fellow residents may recall how clean the city was when the Commonwealth Games application was under consideration. I'm awful for getting swept up in things but I foolishly thought that at last the council were starting to get it right. How wrong I was, we were like a fat man holding his stomach in as an attractive woman strolls by. As soon as the application was successful we let our muscles relax and started chucking half eaten kebabs about again.
Of course the wages paid to street sweepers are higher than those received by the lollies which has more to do with the decision than anything else. I understand that the council have a budget to work to and when limited funds are available sometimes cuts have to be made. However I presume the litter that is being dropped by school children and their half-witted parents on the way to school. So instead of making a badly paid but useful job harder why not get the schools involved and get the kiddiewinks litter picking? This would provide the children with an incentive not to drop litter, teach them an important lesson about actions and their consequences and make the place look better. Better still get them to sort the rubbish for recycling and teach them about all the marvellous things that can be made from rubbish if it's put in the correct place. It could be a nice little project for them they could write an essay on it or stand on a chair and bark or whatever it is they get up to in schools nowadays.
Failing that I note that councillors are now paid for their work surely with a bit of time management they could double up a litter pickers. I'm perfectly serious. I'd be rather impressed with any councillor willing to get their hands dirty and pitch in with the rest of us to improve the city. Unless of course our good 'socialist' councillors are far too grand for that sort of thing and would rather place the burden on the lowest paid workers instead.
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