Hello,
I cannot bear another news item about the credit crunch. Honestly the media are in a masturbatory frenzy at the thought of thirty mile dole queues. I know they're stuck for stuff to write about now that media interest in me has died down (I'm not kidding look and look) but this pessimism is appalling and inexcusable especially now that we're all shareholders.
Anyway I have decided to ignore the credit crunch in the hope it goes away. If I see another item on the news about a hard working family who are worried about running out of oven chips or whatever it is these painfully suburban clowns eat I will commit a sex crime in the street. Then you'll all be sorry.
In any case this mayhem is made worse by people freaking out. I write as someone struggling to absorb the knowledge that I'm related to people who've withdrawn all their savings from the bank. Come to think of it I had no idea I was related to people with savings. Still one copes any way one can I intend to offer to clean their homes making sure I turn every mattress! Any rapid withdrawal of cleaning services and missing money will of course be unfortunate coincidence.
As is frequently pointed out I am economically illiterate but surely everyone hoarding money is biscuit tins is bad for the economy. To my mind it's anti-social behaviour. Savings are guaranteed up to £50,000 -if you have more than that you can afford to take a loss for the nation. For heaven's sake money is just dead trees until you spend it on something entertaining or useful. Anyone too dim to find something to blow it on should be compelled to hand it over to someone more imaginative -the gaiety of the nation is at stake.
All that said I'll be out of a job by the end of month and haven't managed to secure anything in the way of business or alternative paid employment. I've been skint before and I must say I don't approve of it. I am by nature extravagant and generous -like a sailor on shore leave only drunker. Still I won't die -my clients have rather touchingly rallied to the Clairwil cause and offered me three meals a day for as long as I want them. My parents have been rather generous too and written off a debt of £80 I owe them. Other than the swine at the national lottery who won't let me win people have been very kind.
I've also got plans to grow vegetables for my own amusement and the good of the community. The old guerrilla gardening is still taking up most of my time -if anyone would like to help see here. My idleness will be productive, enjoyable and feed a district. At the very least everyone will have access to free garnish with the herbs doing so well.
An economic downturn is a bit of a bitch but why let the fat cats see it upsets us. We saw off Hitler we can see off the cock ups of greedy bankers. Do not let them see it bothers us. Rise to the challenge and develop self reliance. That way you'll never feel grateful for their home improvement loans or credit cards when the good times roll again. In any case we're all shareholders now when the economy picks up we're all in line for massive dividends -seriously imagine the profit share we're going to get! I'm wildly excited and intend to spend as much as I can on jollity, frivolity and hats.
Cheerio
Showing posts with label credit crunch. Show all posts
Showing posts with label credit crunch. Show all posts
10/19/2008
10/07/2008
Bloody Hell!
Hello,
Only recently I was reminiscing about the short lived staff suggestion box in the Royal Bank of Scotland. It was one of the few things about my time working there I rather liked.
Naturally not one of my suggestions was taken up -though they did once start issuing a standard letter I'd rewritten to customers. For all the good it did. Who knew the elderly middle classes were too stupid to read? Clowns the lot of them! The one spark of joy in all this is the thought of them losing their savings. Mind you I expect they'll all be frantically relocating the children's cash inheritance to Eire. God help the poor Irish bank workers they'll be plagued with moneyed loons calling up asking 'why are you Irish?' and getting in a strop about them taking 'English jobs'. Take a tip from me I spent years telling them they'd put their money in a Scottish bank based in Scotland and that a lot of folk in Scotland were Scottish but that I'd be delighted to close their account if it was a problem. Not once did I get one of them to close their account. Bastards.
Anyway in a moment of compassion I decided to cheer up the poor sod charged with the task of wading through the staff suggestions by adding at least one every day. You should have seen some of the pitiful crap my colleagues put in. 'Please fix the toilets on the fourth floor', 'can we have a kettle please?', 'why does Fred Goodwin never visit our office?'. At least I was looking at the stars. I demanded a pet's corner, more holidays, flexi time, a pay rise, a lovely canteen, a boycott of Saudi Arabia more training, secondment opportunities and doubtless the moon on a stick.
Mind you I also demanded that the bank be nationalised and run for the enrichment of the workers. Could someone be paying attention at long last? That was the last one I expected them to adopt!
Cheerio
Only recently I was reminiscing about the short lived staff suggestion box in the Royal Bank of Scotland. It was one of the few things about my time working there I rather liked.
Naturally not one of my suggestions was taken up -though they did once start issuing a standard letter I'd rewritten to customers. For all the good it did. Who knew the elderly middle classes were too stupid to read? Clowns the lot of them! The one spark of joy in all this is the thought of them losing their savings. Mind you I expect they'll all be frantically relocating the children's cash inheritance to Eire. God help the poor Irish bank workers they'll be plagued with moneyed loons calling up asking 'why are you Irish?' and getting in a strop about them taking 'English jobs'. Take a tip from me I spent years telling them they'd put their money in a Scottish bank based in Scotland and that a lot of folk in Scotland were Scottish but that I'd be delighted to close their account if it was a problem. Not once did I get one of them to close their account. Bastards.
Anyway in a moment of compassion I decided to cheer up the poor sod charged with the task of wading through the staff suggestions by adding at least one every day. You should have seen some of the pitiful crap my colleagues put in. 'Please fix the toilets on the fourth floor', 'can we have a kettle please?', 'why does Fred Goodwin never visit our office?'. At least I was looking at the stars. I demanded a pet's corner, more holidays, flexi time, a pay rise, a lovely canteen, a boycott of Saudi Arabia more training, secondment opportunities and doubtless the moon on a stick.
Mind you I also demanded that the bank be nationalised and run for the enrichment of the workers. Could someone be paying attention at long last? That was the last one I expected them to adopt!
Cheerio
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