10/04/2009

A Plea for Mercy.

Hello,
Something has been troubling me for a while now. First some background. I can be quite sensitive about certain things. Well that's what they tell me, I believe I just have higher standards than most other people but whatever, I have been known to attract derisive laughter when I explain what's troubling me. Make of that what you will.

I came off the happy pills a while back and a few initial wobbles aside it's gone quite well until now. I can be walking along the street quite happily when it -the awful thing assaults my poor eyes. A visual rape I am powerless to defend my goggles against. My human rights are being abused.

It's the new Celtic away strip. Why would they do something like this to innocent people? I like Celtic, admittedly only because they're from Glasgow and the alternatives are unspeakable. Also someone told me that Celtic keep all their money in a biscuit tin like a pensioner that doesn't trust banks which I think is rather wonderful. But none of this alters the fact that they have committed a crime against humanity. For God's sake look at the wretched thing! It's the sportswear version of Medusa. Don't look into it's hoops! You'll end up like Lot's wife or worse.

If it were only worn by Celtic players that would be tolerable as it would only be seen by consenting adults and children with appropriate adult supervision. That isn't what's happening though. Almost everyone in Glasgow is wearing the garment of aesthetic evil. Despite it's obvious ugliness it's a hard thing to look away from. Like a road accident or a decomposing set of Siamese twins. Only worse.

Women are wearing it. Fat people are wearing it. Creatures that look like they come from the Gallowgate are wearing it. Dear Lord I wouldn't raise an eyebrow if huns were wearing it. As I was saying to Mr Clairwil last night there is a very real chance that Celtic's bad style choices are going to put me under the doctor again. Fond as I am of Dr Lindsay and our little chats I prefer to run my own show.

I'm trying to stay strong but this abomination unto the Lord God has to stop. Surely some moderate Celtic fans could make their voices heard and make this visual hell stop. Failing that I could ask some of my mates from the knitting scene to rustle up an acceptable alternative. Either way someone has to act.

Cheerio

4 comments:

Jim said...

That's the first time I've seen it. You're right, it is visually harsh.

red mist said...

My God, I'm agreeing with everybody these days. It's not right, can I speak to your therapist

Let's Kill Saturday Night said...

They had a similar garish away strip a few years ago that I think they called the Bumblebee, prompting the joke "What are the only 2 manmade things you can see from space ? The Great Wall Of China and the Celtic away strip".

Clairwil said...

Jim,
That picture in no way reflects the full horror. It's terrifying.

Red Mist,
Don't worry it'll pass.

Let's Kill Saturday Night,
I remember the old strip of horror but it was nowhere near as bad as this one, which I have every confidence can be seen from as yet undiscovered planets.