No More Heroes

In a week that saw the Sugababes become pop's very own version of Trigger's broom I have decided to turn my attention to the increasingly dull world of music. I know everyone complains about music as they get older but I've been sat next to the office radio all day which I am convinced must violate one of my more important human rights. At least folk in previous generations had the luxury of saying 'it's just noise', 'it all sounds the same' and 'is that a man or a women?'. What questions does the modern download chart raise? 'Have they started yet?', 'Are they only doing music because they couldn't get jobs in insurance?' and 'Do you reckon he wets the bed?'. Bloody awful. Apart from the bits I don't mind.

I've wandered. What I am meandering towards is this peculiar tantrum by Everett True. He seems like a nice man but many years ago when I was a teenager he was obsessed with Kurt Cobain and wrote about him all day long in some now defunct music paper. It was quite sweet in it's way. I only mention it because the years do not seem to have dimmed his passion for the late Mr Cobain.

As far as I can make out Mr True is in an awful strop because one can footer with the settings on Guitar Hero and make Kurt mime along to songs by Bon Jovi and Bush. This is a very bad thing because it involves associating the image of someone who has a degree of credibility with some people who have less credibility. You see unlike Bon Jovi or Bush, Nirvana never sold out by making commercial music, signing to a major record label or altered their record sleeves and song titles in order to comply with the wishes of Walmart. Oh no! Unlike Gwen Stefani's husband out of Bush of Jon Bon Jovi out of Bon Jovi, Kurt Cobain didn't ruthlessly pursue a major record deal then pretend to be all conflicted and upset about it like it was an airborne virus rather than the result of years of graft.

Oh wait. I think I've got that wrong haven't I? In fact if anything I think if anything the openly careerist Mr Bon Jovi and Mr Gwen Stefani's Husband should be up in arms at having their music associated with such an out and out phony. Of course in reality they'll be delighted at being mentioned in the same breath as the musically superior Nirvana.

I'm sure someone somewhere idolises Jon Bon Jovi but is it really any more absurd than idolising Kurt Cobain? Unless of course one admires Mr Cobain as a man with a good sales pitch or for breathtaking hypocrisy. In which case he wins hands down. That said I suppose one should regard anything that stops the easily impressed admiring John Lennon as a good thing. For all his faults Mr Cobain comes nowhere near the sheer horror of that self-indulgent shit for brains.

I should stress at this point that I couldn't give a fuck about people signing to major record labels. I never did. I'm quite delighted to see musicians making a bob or two. It's wanting it but not having the balls to tell all the sneery, whiny losers where to ram their jealousy dressed up as morality that rips my knitting. There's fuck all wrong with success, having money is a fucking treat. If Cobain had really been that upset by his success in life he'd have given the money to the cat and dog home and refused to record another note for his label. Instead he shot himself because he was just your common or garden nutter. There but for citalopram go I. Having sympathy for the man and his illness is fine but admiring him for it is absurd. One might as well admire my pal at work for her 'Duke of Argylls' or me for having a toenail infection.

If I were Mr True I'd leaf to the end of 'The Boy Looked at Johnny' read the following and recite it at regular intervals in the hope it sinks in.

'Anyhow God Save Rock and Roll... it made you a consumer, a potential Moron.....


David O'Keefe said...

Have to pity poor Everett, he seems to believe that the mental hospitals are full of poets, artists and musicians. Apparently he didn't read any of Simon Price's interviews with Richey Manic post-hospitalisation, as he did debunk that myth.

I'm just upset that Kurt was the spokesman for Generation x. Christ that was a shit novel, Douglas Coupland is a poor mans Brett Easton Ellis.

David O'Keefe said...

Oh dear the triggers broom joke has only just sunk-in.

iLL Man said...

I wanna see him doing Celine Dion songs on Guitar Hero, that would be fucking hilarious.

I reckon, just possibly, that Cobain would have found the whole thing quite funny, no?

earwicga said...


Please pass it on.

LadyC said...

Dear Clairwil

You have hit the nail on the head. Cobain was dumb enough to marry that twat Courtney Love who thinks feminism is basically getting your kit off and marrying a rich man but doesn't understand the irony of her hypocrisy. Boo hoo someone swindled her out of her dead husband's money. How can you not notice being $10,000,000 lighter?
Money IS a fucking treat, sadly it is frequently wasted on the rich.

I hope you get rich from your writing because it's brilliant and you could guerilla garden to your heart's delight.