The Britblog Round Up

Hello,
As my longer term readers will have noticed it's been a while since I last hosted The Britblog Round Up. Having quit to spend Sunday offline a while back I found I was missing it and decided to offer my services on the subs bench so this may be the first of many infrequent returns of the round up to these pages.


As an island we've not had an awful lot of good news recently so it was nice to round the week off with rugby victories for both Scotland and England. The less said about Scotland's footballing performance the better so let's just say well done Wales and move swiftly on to the cream of this weeks blogging talent.

Gordon Brown's attempt to comfort the grieving mother of a soldier killed in Afghanistan or more accurately The Sun's attempt to portray his letter as a calculated insult caused a stooshie this week. Whilst Brown elicited sympathy from both expected and unexpected quarters. A Very British Dude felt that despite his initial sympathy for Brown the row did reveal something rotten in the governments attitude towards our armed services and brought to mind some of the governments own past dirty tricks. My take on the whole debacle can be found below.

The Sun hasn't just been upsetting Gordon Brown this week. Both Trixy and Mark Reckons are disgusted at the papers targeting of Professor Nutt's children. Judging from some of the comments under the original Sun story it appears that the paper has again misjudged the mood of it's readers.

Penny Red treats us to a spirited defence of a young woman who had the effrontery to horse about in a pair of comedy pants on a night out only to find she'd become the poster child for hysteria over binge drinking ladettes.

The Glasgow North East by election has caught the attention of more than one blogger. David Duff wonders if there's something in the porridge. Jeff at SNP Tactical Voting is unsurprised by the result. Meanwhile Archbishop Cranmer reminds us that the poor will always be with us and judging from his depressing, if informative list, mainly found in safe Labour seats.

Speaking of poverty The Daily Maybe present the argument for a possible solution in the shape of a basic citizens income for all.

Philibiblon examines what 'Martine Segalen’s Love and Power in the Peasant Family: Rural France in the Nineteenth Century' has to tell the reader about French rural life. Meanwhile Investigations of a Dog looks at military culture in early Stuart England as detailed in a very expensive book.

Stroppyblog is less than impressed with Hope Not Hate's attempts to head off the BNP threat and wonders why their literature appears to be aimed at people who probably wouldn't vote BNP anyway . Elsewhese Gramsci of all folk get's an outing thanks to an article by Melanie Phillips. Liberal Conspiracy and Bella Gerens take a look at the arguments.

This post from the F-word prompts one to wonder what on earth goes at E4 and appears to reveal some strange and disturbing attitudes in the minds of the writers of Misfits.

This Tory believes that government attempts to protect homosexuals will do more harm than good. Read his letter to Jack Straw here.

Ruscombe Green brings us news of lively events at Stroud Council.

The Earthenwitch renders a cob house. On the bright side judging from the picture it looks like the end result will be well worth all the effort.

Ducks the nation over will breathe a sigh of relief that not only do they have a friend in Liberal England but in the Stroud Fire Service . However they may wish to scratch the Taxpayers Alliance off the Christmas card list.

The ever popular subject of chocolate get's two mentions this week. Unmitigated England is gloomy at the looming prospect of the Kraft takeover of Cadburys. Meanwhile Backwatersman recalls a visit to Cadbury World.

Pickled Politics bring us a depressing account of good conduct well punished. Truly British justice is the best in the world.

No less depressing is this one that goes, a blogger an architect, a civil servant, a marketing manager and a councillor go into a bar.....

From the threatened demise of Cadburys as we know it to the threatened end of the world.
Two Doctors is unimpressed with the arguments put forward by climate change sceptics and those who believe disaster will be averted by the end of cheap oil.

Punkadiddle re-reads a much loved classic and judges the cover to be a very lovely thing indeed.

Heresy Corner reports on the computer that said no to Churchill's call to fight on the beaches and is not optimistic about the ability of computers to cope with complex marking.

Finally allow me to apologise for the delay in posting this weeks round up -Blogger had one of it's periodic fits apparently prompted by my hitting of the publish button. The Round up will be elsewhere next week so get your nominations in here.

Cheerio

I think I'm having a nervous breakdown!

Hello,
I'm not actually all that unhappy, in fact I'm quite perky but some very strange things have been happening over the last few days. I flick on the telly and find the death penalty has be reinstated and Garry Glitter has a fatal appointment with the noose. The last time I was that shocked was when I absent mindedly fell asleep in front of the telly only to wake up and see a fellow being hanged. It turned out it was Saddam Hussein but it was still a shock and quite upsetting at such an early hour. Apparently it had to be shown on telly in case the Iraqis thought we were pulling their leg -like the WMD prank we pulled a while back. As I was alone in a hotel in Rotterdam at the time I don't see why arrangements couldn't have been made not to broadcast to my room. I did not have so much as one sceptical Iraqi in my room and would have believed the news had it been conveyed in writing.

Anyway to return to our fallen leader, Mr Glitter it would appear that the whole programme was set in a parallel Britain and that he's in rude health and free to worry the nation's nursery schools of a morning. I don't hold with child molestation but you have to hand it to him he is the only rock star to ever truly outrage public morality. With regard to the programme they'd have been better fictionally hanging the Kray twins. I have noticed a strange love of the Krays amongst fans of hanging, it would have been interesting to see their reaction to that one.

As if the whole Glitter hanging business wasn't enough I then find myself on the same side of an argument as Councillor Terry Kelly and Gordon Brown. I refer of course to the current debacle over the PM's handwriting and spelling. I should of course declare that I have a certain empathy with this situation my failure to close O's has brought more than one member of the educational establishment to the brink of madness. You can tell looking at Brown he has crap handwriting, a messy desk and he forgets where he put things. Even as we speak he's probably standing in his kitchen gawping at a stapler wondering how the bloody hell it and he got there.

When Brown took over I can't say I was delighted but I drew a certain comfort from the fact that he looked like a man who, if questioned, could not account for the whereabouts of his tie collection, unlike his predecessor who looked like the sort of man who kept them in individual Tupperware boxes stacked in order of purchase.

There is also the matter of Brown being somewhat short sighted what with the unfortunate loss of an eye and deteriorating sight in the other. He probably can't see what's wrong with his handwriting. Literally.

The way The Sun are hyping this story up you'd think all was sweetness and light in Blighty, that everyone was happy with the government and we all thought Afghanistan was a spiffing adventure abroad for thrill seeking young lads. Good God! Unemployment is rampant, the army are in Afghanistan armed with peashooters fighting a pointless war in which we're going to be humped and in the midst of all this misery the government plan to go after the disabled and their carers again in their completely wrong headed attempt at welfare reform and Britain's most widely read newspaper is in a strop about the prime ministers handwriting.

The one thing The Sun could usefully do is call attention to the poor pay, poor accommodation and poor equipment of our armed forces. They could really go mad and question what in God's name we're doing out there. They could even question why so many ex-military are homeless or receiving such shocking physical and mental care in the community. They could do a lot of things, a lot of good populist easily understandable things but instead we are treated to the grotesque spectacle of a mother mad with grief lashing out at one of many right targets for the wrong reasons, exploited to sell a few rags for Rupert. The whole thing is quite shameful.

Cheerio

The Value of Nothing!

Hello,
Having spent the best part of today trying to talk in a soothing manner to an extremely distressed and disturbed chap who is being driven mad by 'these waves' and believes that his appliances are telling him to kill people, I have gone from being quite cheery to despairing for humanity.

Not being at all qualified to deal with this sort of thing I confess I felt somewhat out of my depth. One wonders what was going on in his mind, though not have as much as I wonder what was going on the mind of the hero at the Jobcentre who sent this emaciated, unwashed and terrified soul over to me for advice on getting back into employment.

Actually I don't wonder what the walking empathy bypass at the Jobcentre was thinking at all. I should imagine it was their targets interspersed with dreams of spitting in the gruel in a workhouse. Funnily enough I have targets and the like to work to but felt rather than piss about telling the chap what 'in work benefits' he might be entitled to before rustling up a c.v I'd refer him to his GP by getting on the phone and using the skill of being reasonably articulate to arrange an urgent same day appointment.

No one dislikes people more than I do but even I can see that it's a terrible thing for a human being to be in such a state of distress and that it would be a worse thing if their television actually convinced them to do someone in. Even the tit at the Jobcentre. There is of course one's self image to think of. I'm sure both I and my chum at the DWP like to think we're not the sort of people who would take advantage of a mentally ill person for the sake of meeting some arbitrary target dreamt up by some overpaid nit who knows about as much about real life as I do about expenses fiddling.

Whilst I don't want to go sobbing all over the settee at other folks problems I think we might all rub along a bit better if certain folk considered the possibility from time to time that other peoples needs should perhaps come before their own. I do realise that whilst this chap is out of work he's costing us all money but I personally find the idea of a seriously ill person being harassed into employment for the sake of saving a few bob morally repugnant. Money is important and it's very useful at the shops but a person's worth cannot be determined solely by their economic worth. Good Heavens if people believed that they'd cheer when they hear about the deaths of those deemed economically worthless and no one has been that evil since we saw off Hitler.

Oh whoops a daisy! Would you believe it -the readers of the Daily Mail are in high spirits because an illegal immigrant has died from suffocation in the back of a lorry? Obviously pussy lefties and other assorted lunatics think it's awful that someone died in this way. Some freaks might even feel a bit of sympathy for someone who's circumstances were so grim that they were prepared to risk their life in the hope of bettering their lot. In fact one might even shud an awful shudder imagining the slow death one of their fellow human beings has had.

Still not all the Mail readers are breaking out the champagne. Whilst Martyn Robinson of Northampton believes this mans death has saved us a 'house, car and free money' and Keith Jones of Porthcawl feels it is 'good news. One less to worry about', Crackers of Yorkshire reminds us that it's only 'one down, millions to go'. Similarly downbeat is Eduoard Dunnachie of Carnwath who is upset that this country may be 'liable for disposing of his corpse'.

It may surprise you to learn that these were the comments that made it past the moderators. The mind boggles at what they felt was unfit to publish. Let's hope none of the chaps family are online Mail readers

One can't even excuse these comments as being from people who feel strongly about immigration and are angry at the governments record on border control. Someone who felt like that would I imagine be calling for tighter controls in the hope that these would deter people from trying their luck. They may also demand much stiffer penalties for people convicted of people smuggling. And all of those would be fairly sensible and defensible positions.

They don't even work as bad taste jokes or black humour. Can any passing boffin who may have arrived her to sneer at me advise me what the origins of this madness are? When did people start weighing the worth of their fellow humans solely in cash? If I find out these are the same folk who bang on about there being no sense of community anymore heads will roll.

Excuse me I'm off to live in a cabin in the woods with only foxes and wood pigeons for company before you monsters all deem me 'nil economic value' and sell me for glue. It's a terrifying day when I of all people am forced to call on people to try and be a bit nicer. At the very least people could try sugaring the pill with a few jokes.

Cheerio

Look!

Hello,
It's not the most startling or original observation in the world but I am compelled to repeat it -Sting and his awful wife are tools of the devil. Look at them. I've seen people assaulted for less. Come to think of it I've been assaulted for less.

Cheerio

New Plans For Trafalgar Square!

Hello,
Have any of you ever visited Trafalgar Square? I have and it's pleasant enough as squares go but I can't help but think it could do with livening up. Happily I think I've found just the plan.

Those wacky fundaloons at Islam4UK have taken a break from shouting at servicemen and annoying folk to cast their disapproving eyes over Trafalgar Square. Thankfully they've come up with something more constructive than shouting at it and have rather thoughtfully put together a plan to make it more Islamic. When I say Islamic, try and think of a more peyote influenced version than what you may be used to. Anyway without further ado here are the changes.

Firstly that 'notorious fornicator' Nelson has to go. Unfortunately for poor old Nelson 'under the Shari'ah, the construction and elevation of statues or idols is prohibited, and consequently, the statue of Admiral Horatio Nelson would be removed and demolished without hesitation'. Now don't all start moaning about 'bloody Muslims' conspiring to make us all gawp at a big boring column with nothing on top as if this is some mad half baked scheme. Obviously Nelson will be replaced. With an Islamic clock. I must confess I'm not exactly sure what an Islamic clock is but I feel certain one designed by the lads at Islam4UK will have us all turning our watches back 500 years or so.

Perhaps most exciting of all are their plans for the lions. At first I was outraged, I like the lions and wanted to keep them but like Nelson they're statues so need to be demolished without hesitation. The lions won't go to waste, instead they'll be melted down 'and its bronze composition utilized, possibly in artillery as a defensive measure against any impending attack from outside forces, such as France'. No way would the French mess with us if we had bronze cannons! Take that France!

The lions will then be replaced by 'pots of gold coins....., so as to provide all members of the public with the opportunity to freely take money and fulfil any need that they might have'.
Now does that not sound a much better way of distributing welfare than having people queueing up in the post office? It's a wonderful idea. I mean it would be much easier for everyone if instead of boring benefit forms the government just left a big pile of gold coins in Trafalgar Square and the needy could just help themselves to their fair share. Obviously the pot will need topping up from time to time, once everyone has taken their fair share but Islam4UK ,unlike some some duck house, flipping crooks I could mention, are quite clear that they won't be wasting public money on useless ornaments so the pots will never be empty. Not of course that anyone will need to take so much as a single coin from the pots because 'the divine justice meted out by the Shari'ah'
will ensure all our needs are met! Hurrah!

If I may offer the fellows at Islam4UK a bit of well meant friendly criticism I just don't think they're being ambitious enough. What's the use in having a lovely Islam compliant square if we're all going up the road to unIslamic houses? To that end I propose that the lads get their own Islamic home makeover TV show. It'd be a smash! Just imagine Anjem Choudray wafting about in leather breeks like Lawerence Llewelyn-Bowen, stenciling the entire Qur'an over MDF panelling, pausing only to call 'Handy Andy' a grunting infidel oik before beating him with a book of fabric samples. TV gold.

Please click on the link at the top of the post to see the plans. They're priceless and yes there are pictures.

Cheerio

Let's Hope Jan Moir Dies Fucking a Goat.

Hello,
What drugs is Jan Moir on? Has a tragic accident in the kitchen caused a logic bypass? What on earth had poor Stephen Gately ever done to anyone?

As you may be aware Stephen Gately from Boyzone died rather unexpectedly last weekend in Majorca. Given his youth and the sudden nature of his death a postmortem was carried out which found his death was from natural causes. In addition the police investigated presumably to establish what happened on the evening leading up to his death and to rule out anything more sinister than a tragic premature and sudden death.

Despite having no evidence or expertise in investigating deaths, Jan Moir has decided that the coroner got it wrong and Mr Gately died because he was gay. I can only assume that Jan's first draft entitled 'The Filthy Queer Had it Coming' proved too much even for The Daily Mail. Consequently the repulsive, fat bitch had to haul her big, lardy, arse back to her keyboard and find some justification for rejoicing over the barely cold corpse of a dead man in his early thirties.

I'm afraid Jan doesn't do very well. She gives us an account of the the known events of the evening and implies that these must be the real cause of death despite all the evidence pointing towards natural causes. In any case even if he'd died of exhaustion following a record breaking horse orgy his death would still be sad, what with him being a fairly pleasant young man with friends and relatives who loved him.

Incidentally if Jan Moir really feels so strongly about death resulting risky lifestyles she would be better seeking help for her most obvious problem - lack of appetite control and exercise. Her byline photo shows that she is not merely overweight but morbidly obese. It's hypocritical to go pointing fingers at dead gays for what she feels were their dangerous, sleazy lifestyles when she is very likely to die prematurely as a result of her excessive consumption of food. Judge not lest ye be judged porky! That's just some of those Christian values the Mail are so fond of but never get round to practicing.

Still not content with dancing on Stephen Gately's grave Kevin McGee, the ex partner of Matt Lucas is dragged into it. Kevin McGee killed himself. Stephen Gately died of natural causes but they were both gay and in civil partnerships so in Jan's mind there must be a link. According to Moir their completely unrelated and the entirely different circumstances of their deaths 'strike another blow to the myth of happy-ever-after myth of civil partnerships'.

I must say I had no idea there was any such myth. It must be news to the government as well because there are procedures in place for ending such partnerships. It's almost as if it's expected that some partnerships will succeed and some will fail. I expect that's why the few folk I know who are in one gave it a bit thought before taking the plunge.

Quite how two deaths prove anything about homosexuality or civil partnerships is not made clear but I'm sure Jan knows what she's talking about. After all she can prove a coroner is wrong simply by disapproving of the corpses lifestyle. Fuck me, fatty is a genius. This brings me to some troubling news for married hetrosexuals. Neil Ellerbeck was recently jailed for killing his wife, not only that a married woman was locked up a few weeks back for fiddling with kids and I think we can all think of someone we know who has been divorced. Now if you completely ignore all the happy and successful marriages out there I think you'll agree the above cases all demolish the case of marriage.

The headline of Moir's article is quite peculiar. I can't see anything strange, lonely or troubling about Gately's death. He died in his sleep after what sounds to me like a good night out. The only troubling aspect of his death was that he was so young. Then again I rather like the idea of folk being happy and enjoying themselves whereas Moir seeks to cheer herself up in between snacks by dragging everyone else down. I can only assume it took a crowbar or the miracle of photoshop to get her smiling like an ageing hooker in her byline snap rather than displaying her usual cats arse of a mouth.

It's ironic that Stephen Gately stayed in the closet for the early part of his career for fear of public reaction to his sexuality, only to come out and find reactions ranged from supportive to indifferent. I took that as a sign we might have moved on a bit. And indeed we have. Shame Moir's idea of progress is waiting until gays are dead before launching nasty, unwarranted, small minded poisonous attacks on them.


Cheerio

It's like a very strange dream

Hello,
I was pootling about the internet when I stumbled across this old rant by and I regret to inform you, I'm not joking, my brother's favourite comedian, Jim Davidson. Today's strut across the plains of the internet has been like a very strange dream. First up I got an email calling me a 'murderous Jew cunt' for no discernible reason and which murderous cunt aside lacks accuracy. Then I saw this , then this before finally encountering the full loopiness of Davidson. I really wonder if I have woken up in some sort of parallel universe.

It seems that Mr Davidson is unhappy with the level of crime in Britain, a fair enough point and a fairly mainstream view. However he then goes on to inform us that the situation is much better in Dubai in a manner which suggests that he'd like a bit of the same here. In other words it would appear that Jim Davidson has written an open letter to our Home Secretary requesting the introduction of Sharia law in Britain. Oh my sainted aunt.

As resorts go Dubai is hardly Club Tropicana. This website reckons it's the 'dream holiday place' which it might well be if you're a lunatic puritan but frankly it sounds rubbish. For a start you can't even shag a chap unless you're married to him! Worse still you can't even be alone with a chap, even for an innocent chat if you're not related. Freaks! Their drug laws are barking mad, even more so than our state sponsored overreaction. Look what happened to these poor folk. They also take a dim view of miscarriages.

Still we must remember that Mr Davidson has been a victim of crime in the UK himself despite having 'a personal security team' comprised of 'ex-Hereford hooligans' which isn't rewarding crime at all is it? Anyway as I was saying Jim did have some bother with the UK crime last time he was over here.

According to Davidson there was a man on his face and he needed a copper to tell the man to wind his neck in. I know, I know, it could only happen to Davidson! He's mad! No, honestly I really do think he's mentally disturbed. What other explanation can there be? When the police told him he'd need to come to the station and make a complaint he told them and this bit beggars belief, that he'd get his ex-hooligans to deal with it instead. What sort of idiot phones the police and tells them they are about to pay their staff to assault someone? Jesus wept. Naturally the police threatened to prosecute him. That does tend to happen if you phone them up and tell them you are about to commit a crime even if it's in retaliation.

In any case if I were the police I'd take any report of a crime from Davidson with a pinch of salt. Not solely from malevolence but because he has something of a tendency to overreact. Look at how he responds to finding himself in the same room as someone with comic timing.

Cheerio

You Can't Tax Me, I'm Special.

Hello,
Good God, I see Tracey Emin is pulling a Phil Collins and threatening to leave the country for tax purposes. Well don't let the door bang your arse on the way out, dear. I know it's always argued that if you say anything snide about someone rich moaning about tax it's because one is jealous and has posters of Arthur Scargill on the wall. I can't speak for anyone else because in order to do so I'd have to make the effort to find out what they think and I can't be bothered. It won't be interesting. So instead I shall speak for myself. I'm not jealous of her wealth because the only reason she's richer than me is that I haven't found a lucrative racket as yet but I'm confident I will at some stage between now and the grave. I pity her being such a tightwad. I try to avoid complaining about tax in case people think I'm poor. I have my pride.

I also pity her for being such a thicko about the whole tax thing. First she complains that she's going to be charged so much tax she'll be forced to go and live in France. Of course on the face of it 40% income tax seems quite attractive in comparison to 50% but it fails to take into account VAT of 19.6%, bank interest charged at 18%, 8% 'Social Charges', Social Security charges of anything from 13% to 22%, optional health care charges of 8% and not one but two local taxes. If I were averse to taxation the last place on earth I'd be going is France.

Furthermore if I were averse to taxation I wouldn't be whining that the French subsidise more artists than we do. Oh and if I had made myself rich through art I might refrain from gurning about the lack of government subsidy for art in the UK when I'm not willing to pay for it. She's done alright off tax payers money and I suspect would be the first to through a blue fit if we all started demanding value for our money. I mean, I thought our Trace was quite the hoot when I thought Saatchi was paying for it, had I known we were in on the whip round I'd have taken a sterner view.

Quite frankly it speaks volumes that her main objections to the wars in Afghanistan and Iraq is the cost. It's also telling that she reckons the Olympics are a waste of money. Taxpayers generosity it seems should not extend to any industry Tracey doesn't benefit from personally. It may surprise Tracey to learn that the world, let alone the UK tax system is not there for her sole benefit. Truly taxes are for the little people. I'm quite sure France is similarly indifferent to Emin's financial situation, unless of course we are on the cusp of an episode even more horrifying than the French revolution.


Cheerio