Skelly Eyed Boot v I Love You

There was the most walloping lovers tiff outside earlier. It started off as a lot of confusing squawking, like childbirth. Then it took shape. The chap kept shouting 'I love you' as the bird made her escape. I don't blame her. He seemed a sentimental brute. One minute stamping on one's neck, the next offering roses. Quite apart from anything else he was wearing shorts. A Raoul Moat type in other words.

 When it became apparent the lady wasn't for turning back he bellowed 'fuck off ya skelly eyed boot'. At this she quite suddenly came speeding back down the road screaming blue murder. I was agog. Eyes like saucers. A man once threatened to kick my 'cunt' and I leapt over a church wall in fright. It may have been the cowards way, but it was the safe way. I would advise all women in a similar position to follow my example unless you're fast enough to do him a swift mischief. That said I admire 'Skelly Eyes for her physical courage in facing down this monster. 

As if I hadn't been stunned enough, another couple wandered out the pub only to be confronted with 'Skelly Eyed Bird' squaring up to the chap bit of the couple screeching 'if she's your woman why the fuck are you coming onto me'. I nearly fell out the window laughing at this twist but the funny side appeared wasted on the participants. If I were to judge the mood on the ground I'd say somewhere between hopping mad and the Arab street. I have seen the news and this Arab St is not a benign place like Sesame St. Oh no. It's the merest baw hair off fizzing mad at all times.

Anyway returning to the action, the 'I love you' chap seemed to me as stunned as I was but in a less amused way and started staggering around with his head in his hands. The 'Skelly Eyed Boot' offered to produce texts proving that the other lady's chap had been coming on to her but that just made everyone fly into a bigger rage. The ladies started fighting but some other big ladies appeared shouting 'fucks sake' so they downed fists and took up staggering and roaring instead. There was a bit more squawking and the couple hopped in a taxi.

That left 'I Love You' and 'Skelly Eyed Boot' together. They screeched a bit more at each other until 'Skelly Eyes' got fed up and stomped off with the sound of 'I Love You' man roaring 'stick yer fuckin weans up yer arse' ringing in her ears.

Is it any wonder my nerves are in ribbons?

 Cheers Clairwil

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