I see that the path previously trodden by 'Playgirl' and 'For Women' is being trod once again by 'Filament' . As ever erections are proving a problem being considered obscene in 'erotica' aimed at women rather than porn aimed at men which as far as I can tell appears to be full of whoppers.

The folk at 'Filament' are of course protesting this state of affairs. The deal is that if enough folk buy issue one, issue two will feature a proud an erect boaby rather than a boring flaccid fellow. As marketing strategies go it's not bad but it's hard to care one way or the other.

For a start it's an 'erotic' magazine. I hate erotica, it's the visual equivalent of those drips that used to hang round the school bully in the hope some of his menace would rub off. Why in God's name would any sentient being want to look at a Timotei advert with stiffies? It's dull. Worse still it appears to have been based around the findings of focus groups. Sweet Lord -consensus erotica! At least consensus porn might have a whiff of the gang bang about it but erotica is just a man thinking about having a wank photographed through a doily.

All any consensus is going to add to the erotica is a few articles for the sort monsterous muppet that says 'us girls' as if we'd elected her as minister for wacky fun or worse responsible articles about womens health accompanied by a ten question quiz entitled 'What cancer will YOU die of tit, womb or ovary?'. Maybe both -surely that will herald the apocalpyse and end this comfortable misery.

There are times that being a women is like supporting one of those football teams that hover around the top of their division/league/bore or whatever the sponsors call them nowadays. One receives sufficient signs of imminent triumph to prevent a self inflicted fatal adventure with a gun but defeat is snatched from the jaws of glory at every opportunity.

The launch of a new erotic magazine for ladies always brings despair. It doesn't have to be this way. In essence sextainment or ladies should be funny in which case a magazine that looks like a selection of stag night photos with a earnest male stripper or two here and there will suffice.

Or ideally it should be perfectly obscene. Photograph vast orgies, winking goats, show man on man on woman on woman, a mixture, cross dressing, fetish, burelesque, strippers, danger wanks, paupers, princes, slaves, peepshows, hoors, lunatics, boxers, the kitchen sink, chicks with dicks, fat folk, thin folk, inbetweeners, tops, bottoms, all races, all ages, sillicone stuffed freaks, allsorts I haven't thought of -the works. Imagine a collaboration on an update of Hogarths' Beer Street and Gin Lane by Beardsley and Crumb and you'd be off to a good start.

The only thing that should be banned is any visible sign of birth control. Fuck responsibility -create a fantasy land where we all fuck like animals caring not a jot for the consequences because there are none. A touch of jaded 18th century aristocrat here and there is as close to reality as it need get. Aim for a full body and mind orgasm. The 'stories' should be well written, witty, imaginative filth, the articles devoted entirely to self indulgence, laziness and all the fun of the fair.

That is how a decent porno should be done. Now if anyone with clout wants to bankroll it I'll rule it. Failing that send me your pictures articles, stories, letters and trifles and I'll whack it all up on a special blog. I'm serious, lets all have a big daft art blog on the theme of sex.




Billy said...

Erotica? What's wrong with good old-fashioned honest pornography?

iLL Man said...

Buy Razzle!

Clairwil said...

Exactly Billy but I don't think we're the target market.

iLL Man,
Rather badly lit for my tastes.

Louise said...

chocolate is cream is ideal for this.