12/21/2006

The Bus Journey From Hell

Hello,
I've not had a bus ordeal for quite some time, so today came as quite a shock. Am I alone in pretending to be a nice person in front of family? I feel certain I am not. If only today's bus cretin had been similar, though in fairness I was brought up with the utmost care, this fellow would have been vastly improved by being at least dragged up.

Is it normal for a fifteen year old by to lie on his back across a couple of seats farting loudly at two minute intervals on a bus in front of his mother and sister? He claimed it was caused by scrambled eggs and having had the misfortune to be sitting downwind of him I am of the opinion he was right. In between his vile anal outpourings we were subjected to his conversation.

Unbelievably this consisted of him telling his mother that he'd tried to 'ride a wee hoor at school' but she was on her period, describing 'Borat' as a film about a 'mental paki' and stating that his day in school was 'fuckin cool' because he'd spent the entire day farting. He then took to barking at me because my appearance wasn't up to his high standards. No sympathy please! I am more than happy to live without the affection of a flatulent mental defective. When this failed to lift my nose out my book he took to rapping, then singing in a high pitched voice. At this point his mother got up and sat on the front of the bus. I'm no parenting expert but I cannot help but feel the responsible thing to do would have been to slit his throat or drown him. Thankfully he trotted off at her heels and did not bother me again until he spat on me as I was waiting to get off the bus. I will burn that jacket.

To think I'd been in a great mood until I got on that bus. Anyway I've put in a cosmic order for him to hang himself, his mother to be sterilised or the apocalypse. Fingers crossed.

Cheerio

10 comments:

Bridge xxx said...

Euuurgh. Nice. I would tell of my bus horror stories, but there's only so many variations on the 'Today, some truants from Holyrood played their really loud hardcore 'tunes' on their mobile phones' theme that the blogosphere can take.

ill man said...

Simply put, the lad has never been thrashed. There. No, I'm not Duff in disguise.......

David Duff said...

No, 'Ill Man', but that was a very fine impersonation - you should have your own show!

Clairwil, it has been so long since I was on a bus that I can't remember why I stopped using them, so thanks for reminding me.

Seasonal greetings to you both and good luck on the ice in 2007!

margin walker said...

Was this on the 41?

ill man said...

Cheers David.

Ice? I shall take care, thankyou..........

Daniel said...

It's enough to make you lose faith in your fellow countryfolk even during this so called season of good will.

Anonymous said...

Should have asked the driver for his swab kit. They all have them now in case they get spat on so the police can identify them if they're on the DNA database. It would have made the wee git crap himself (possibly literally given the flatulence).

Clairwil said...

Cheers All,
Happy Christmas.

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