Petty Authority and Flatulence
Do you ever regret doing someone a good turn? A few weeks ago I gave a client £100 to help them out as their benefits had been stopped. I wasn't expecting to get the money back but the woman was one of my favourites and I'd just received a tax rebate so I wasn't really losing out. Anyway the woman turned up at my office when I was out and gave money to my boss to pass on to me. To say I've had my arse kicked is an understatement. Apparently it is 'clearly stated' in my contract the we do not give people money. I wouldn't mind but my boss reckons she's a socialist, all I was doing was trying to redistribute some wealth, you'd think she would be pleased. Anyway the upshot of it all is that I've to attend a disciplinary for spending my own money. Still the worst thing they can do is sack me, it could be worse.
My esteemed friend The Ill Man tackles a topic that has been worrying me for some time. To give you a bit of background I was sat in work one quiet day chatting with a group of ladies about men and their funny little ways. I was somewhat shocked when one lady remarked that she hated it when men farted in bed and forced your head under the covers to the inhale the crime. I was astonished beyond mere words when everyone except me agreed. I must stress that I do not have a fetish for being farted at, it's just that I've never in my life had anyone treat me in such an appalling fashion. I did what any confused young woman would do and asked my mother if this sort of behaviour was normal. Happily my mother was as shocked as I was. It would have been hard to feel any real love for my father if she'd outed him as wind terrorist. From the research that I, my mother and now The Ill Man have carried it appears that this behaviour is not only widespread but tolerated. The question I have for the chaps is what makes you fart at some women and not others? Why do you do it? Has anyone ever chucked you for flatulent abuse? In short what on earth is going on?