Before I start I'd like to draw everyone's attention to one of the links recommended by Don in the comments bit of the last post. As Don correctly points out it is a joy.
Today was the day I planned to 'get everything done' I was even going to hoover. Instead I was woken up at 10am by a passing Orange walk. I do wish they'd do something about the rag bag of cretins that follow these things about. They make the whole thing look scruffy and scary when it needn't. Look at the smart West African Orangemen on parade. The whole business could be vastly improved if pissed up soap dodging Rangers fans would stop swaggering along beside the walks.
Anyway after that startling alarm call, I thought I'd have a short snooze before getting up. I then woke up at three o'clock. I'm not going to get anything done at all today am I? Instead I'll sit here looking at blogs, then panic when I realise it's midnight and I've done nothing.
I'm a little peeved today because I can't find the wire that connects my digital camera to my computer which means I can't add any of my fine pictures to my blog. It's very upsetting. Can one buy a spare wire? Or am I doomed? Royal Mail have upset me by failing to turn up with the post today. The thought of all those poor postcard manifestos sitting in that vile sorting office is most distressing. If only the post were as slow in sending me bills.
I am of the opinion that I shouldn't have to pay for anything at all ever. I did think of setting up some sort of a charity to 'keep me' but apparently that's against the rules. Heat magazine is full of people who earn fortunes for doing nothing. At least I can do the odd joke. Perhaps I should get some leaflets printed up telling people what their donations can buy. For example just £5 can buy Clairwil twenty fags, as little as three pounds can buy Clairwil a bottle of Tesco Chilean Merlot. People do like to know where their money is going. Perhaps this Christmas instead of buying boring old goats and wells for the worlds poor a food hamper for Clairwil will be the ethical gift for the conscientious shopper.
In the event that the public continue in their stubborn refusal to sponsor me I have a plan B in my money for nothing quest. I have decided to join the media. I have written to the BBC outlining my positive attributes and hope to hear from them soon. Just think The Clairwil Show could be a reality.........
UPDATE- Oh my God! I haven't been this excited since Sunny said nice things about me on Comment Is Free! The Postcard Manifestos are in THE TIMES!!! not the Evening times. The actual Times you know the big right wing paper! God bless Rhys Blakely! Do you think I should let the BBC know that I am the subject of a minor media frenzy? Oh I can feel those four million pound golden handcuffs closing round my little white wrists. Better still it's not all me me me Billy and Mr Flesh Hammer are both quoted. Well done boys!