8/19/2006

Sleeping In and Daydreaming

Hello,

Before I start I'd like to draw everyone's attention to one of the links recommended by Don in the comments bit of the last post. As Don correctly points out it is a joy.

Today was the day I planned to 'get everything done' I was even going to hoover. Instead I was woken up at 10am by a passing Orange walk. I do wish they'd do something about the rag bag of cretins that follow these things about. They make the whole thing look scruffy and scary when it needn't. Look at the smart West African Orangemen on parade. The whole business could be vastly improved if pissed up soap dodging Rangers fans would stop swaggering along beside the walks.

Anyway after that startling alarm call, I thought I'd have a short snooze before getting up. I then woke up at three o'clock. I'm not going to get anything done at all today am I? Instead I'll sit here looking at blogs, then panic when I realise it's midnight and I've done nothing.

I'm a little peeved today because I can't find the wire that connects my digital camera to my computer which means I can't add any of my fine pictures to my blog. It's very upsetting. Can one buy a spare wire? Or am I doomed? Royal Mail have upset me by failing to turn up with the post today. The thought of all those poor postcard manifestos sitting in that vile sorting office is most distressing. If only the post were as slow in sending me bills.

I am of the opinion that I shouldn't have to pay for anything at all ever. I did think of setting up some sort of a charity to 'keep me' but apparently that's against the rules. Heat magazine is full of people who earn fortunes for doing nothing. At least I can do the odd joke. Perhaps I should get some leaflets printed up telling people what their donations can buy. For example just £5 can buy Clairwil twenty fags, as little as three pounds can buy Clairwil a bottle of Tesco Chilean Merlot. People do like to know where their money is going. Perhaps this Christmas instead of buying boring old goats and wells for the worlds poor a food hamper for Clairwil will be the ethical gift for the conscientious shopper.


In the event that the public continue in their stubborn refusal to sponsor me I have a plan B in my money for nothing quest. I have decided to join the media. I have written to the BBC outlining my positive attributes and hope to hear from them soon. Just think The Clairwil Show could be a reality.........


UPDATE- Oh my God! I haven't been this excited since Sunny said nice things about me on Comment Is Free! The Postcard Manifestos are in THE TIMES!!! not the Evening times. The actual Times you know the big right wing paper! God bless Rhys Blakely! Do you think I should let the BBC know that I am the subject of a minor media frenzy? Oh I can feel those four million pound golden handcuffs closing round my little white wrists. Better still it's not all me me me Billy and Mr Flesh Hammer are both quoted. Well done boys!

Cheerio

11 comments:

Billy said...

*applauds*

Well done for getting in the Times. Fame for the postcard manifestos cannot be far away. :)

ill man said...

Nice one. Mr Flesh-Hammer will be tickled pink.

Clairwil said...

Hurrah! I'm wildly excited. I think I might try and get on the telly next.

David Duff said...

Your complaints concerning the Orangemen reminded me of a part I once played in a truly brilliant play by Ron Hutchinson, "Rat in the Skull". Here is the disillusioned Insp. Nelson R.U.C. describing an Orange march (best delivered with a strong Ian Paiseley accent!):

"All those skulls in bowlers, marching. With mad eyes and pinched-together bums. To the music that says we're pissing in the gale of history, and while you're at it, here's a fart for common-sense, here's a fart for the inevitable. We're living proof, in this corner of the North, that reason's nothing much to do with life. And we're swinging down the road defying you to prove us wrong. Here we are and here we stay. Despite. Even so. For all that. Big drum beating, colours flying, roaring out defiance".

With the exception of Falstaff in Henry IV Part II, my favourite role. Hutchinson is, I believe, one of the most under-rated playwrights around today.

Clairwil said...

David,
I'm not familiar with that play but a quick google search leads me to understand it's powerful, intense stuff. I shall seek that play out.

On a slightly different note I'm actually quite fond of the Orangemen and women. It's just certain bands and the swaggering thugs that follow them that depress me.

ill man said...

Clairwil, regarding the USB lead, I'm not 100% sure what the score is. Not sure if each model has it's own individual lead or if a generic one can be bought to fit any digital camera. I'd try Dixons/Comet/Maplin, or maybe Jessops.

Clairwil said...

Neither am I Ill man. I think I'll just take my camera down to Jessops and hope for the best.

David Duff said...

Clairwil, further to "Rat in the Skull", some years back I came home mid-afternoon and whilst making myself a cup of tea I switched on Radio 4 and caught the afternoon play. It was obviously Irish and I would have switched it off instantly but I was juggling with boiling kettles and cups so I left it. As I finished the tea-making I was gradually drawn into the dialogue which was so powerful and poetic that the tea was left to go cold - and then the bloody telephone went off and so I never heard above 2 or 3 minutes of it.

About two years later a then unknown play, "Rat in the Skull", was put forward at my theatre group. It was about the 'Troubles' and I just wondered if it was the same one. I bought the script and in just reading the opening lines delivered by Roche, an IRA bomber banged up in London, I instantly knew it was the one:

"The holiday snaps.
Dear Mum, this is me in the Big Smoke. I've seen all the sights, the Tower, the zoo, MacDonalds, the big red buses and the bottom sides of coppers' boots from the wrong way up. They showed me the doings. I was sat on my hunkers, somewhere north of the Northern Line, minding my own business, wondering whether to pick my nose or go for a slash, and a sledgehammer comes through the door, without so much as a by your leave. Followed in short order by half a dozen of the larger size of cop, waving guns and shouting hello. One of them shakes me by the balls and throws me across the room before I've a chance to say I didn't catch the name ..."

And so on. Irresistible, especially for actors! The play takes no sides, merely demonstrating the entrenched prejudices of both Irish sides and the incomprehension of the English. Not everyone finds it easy to read play scripts but if you can, buy it and enjoy; if not, don't ever miss a chance to see it if it should play anywhere near you.

Or any other play by Ron Hutchinson!

Clairwil said...

I quite like a read at a plat script but for the most part you can't beat the full performance well acted. I certainly will keep my eyes peeled for a performance of Rat in the Skull within travelling distance. Northern Ireland is just begging to be done well, particularly from a neutral point of view.

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