8/20/2006

Ask Clairwil

Hello,
I'm a wee bit busy today as I have discovered a company that will let me publish selected (expanded) highlights of my blog and other writing as a proper paperback at no cost to me. Hurrah! Many people have remarked in the past that I make a fine stocking filler so I'm aiming to hit the Christmas market. Go on spread the misery! Perhaps you have a maiden aunt or a pervy uncle that you can't stand. Why not give them the gift of Clairwil? I have written a special, never before published piece about how hateful families are and I'm thinking of adding another couple of scraps. I shall keep you all posted and may even have an online booze up to celebrate the launch of my printed debut.

In the meantime I'd like to offer you my services as an agony aunt. Are you lost? In despair? Or just a curious type? Whatever you're after ask me in the comments box and I'll do my best.

Cheerio

23 comments:

jonz said...

Will you do us a favour stop making these pointless posts?

Clairwil said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Clairwil said...

Oh jOnz, jOnz, jOnz. You tedious lard bucket. Why visit a blog you don't like or do not wish to read? Seriously I looked at your blog once and wished you had been blown sky high in the 7/7 attacks. I never went back. Do you see how it works?

I'm sorry but the very notion that I would take any sort of criticism from a man whose blog resembles a down syndrome coloring book and has two dimples on each cheek is unthinkable.

P.S In case you don't know jOnz offered me a sum of money to change his nappy and treat him like a baby. I refused and now he's bitter.

jonz said...

I did home here to apologise. But I see that with lefties there's no point - they'll hate you regardless.

wished you had been blown sky high in the 7/7 attacks

Thanks. I am too tired to respond to this, but one of my colleagues was blown up on the fucking bus. Not that you would give a flying fuck.

Goodnight.

Clairwil said...

Yeah jOnz. I sit here in my secret lair waving pom poms foe Osama and the lads. I'm sorry your friend was blown up although on the plus side at least he won't have to put up with you anymore.

What I do find offensive is your exploitation of your friends death in the 7/7 bombing. Knowing someone that died does not give you any special insight. It just makes you unlucky. You tedious little drama queen.

jonz said...

Well it's nice to know we have such kind and understanding people in this country. I genuinely don't remember the last time I wished or joked somebody dead on a blog.

I presume from your ahem, way of words, that you are commentor at Leninology? Bunch of loons there, supporting Hizballah.

ill man said...

Now, I don't think that's how Claire Rainer would have responded........

Or is it...........?

ill man said...

Jonz, you fucking halfwit. You are an arse, everyone that reads anything you write wishes you were dead. Haven't you noticed that yet?

Clairwil said...

Oh for fucks sake you really are an over emotional fat fuck. I don't think I've ever commented on Leninology, possibly because I believe that Israel has a right to exist and therefore suspect my input wouldn't be very welcome.

To clarify things I feel sympathy for you on a human level. To have lost a friend in such terrible circumstances. Nevertheless I don't think it gives you any special insight at all. In fact most often you come across like a boy in need of help. As for wishing people dead I do it all the time. I'm led to understand it's part of the Irish tradition of elaborate curses. You should try it you might find it liberating

Sunny said...

God j0nz, it's bad enough you have to use your mate's death as an excuse to swear at everyone on our forums, now you're doing it on other blogs too. Great.

Clairwil said...

It's Ok Sunny I don't hold you responsible. Let's just hope jOnz get's the help he needs.

alan said...

help!

matt lobster said...

If hypathetically a friend of mine, let's call him....Matt only had a one inch penis ( when fully erect), do you think he could still satisfy a women?

Clairwil said...

Oh yes Matt but he'd need to be imaginative.

This link should help

http://uk.askmen.com/love/love_tip_200/209_love_tip.html

I favour the great in and out movement of 'The rabbit ears' myself.

Vladimir said...

Claire, cruel but funny, been a liked your writing ever since i came across you on pickled politics.

But got to say Lenin isn't too bad, though he has gone a bit over the top with the Lebanon and Israeli coverage on his blog.

Clairwil said...

Vladimir,
I know I'm a nasty old bitch but he riles me. Anyway I think jOnz likes being under attack it makes him feel like a martyr to the terrible truth.

I'm not totally against Lenin's blog as you say a lot of it is pretty good. I just find a lot of the arguments surrounding Israel, Lebanon, the Iraq war and the war on terror really depressing. No-one listens to each other and instead repeat the same old stuff ever more forcefully. I like my politics with jokes I'm afraid.

Billy said...

If only Claire Rayner was like this...

David Duff said...

I'm in despair, Auntie, you see, I keep having these irrepressable urges to do vile things to 'lenin'.

Oh, not anything, er, you know, *naughty*, just a deep, deep desire to slam a car door on his fingers to stop him typing all that unreadable rubbish he churns out like the old Pravda of years ago. Can you help me?

(The cheque's in the post!)

Clairwil said...

Oh dear David,
I think the problems comes from straying too far from your end of the political spectrum. Instead of resorting to violence and getting yourself locked up. Why not try pranks? Like tricking George Bush into saying Lenin is his favourite blogger.

Failing that you could really scare him and start agreeing with him. If that doesn't stop him, nothing will.

margin walker said...

I would like to obtain this book when its published. Let me know when its out..

Clairwil said...

Oh yes Margin belive me you'll know when it's out.

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