4/04/2006

Thieves.



Hello,

I was reading in today's Guardian that £150 million worth of books are pinched from UK libraries every year. Sometimes I'm glad I have no time to blog in work because I was demanding the return of the death penalty when I read about this over lunch. By late
afternoon I had mellowed slightly and was down to the return of flogging.

I have pondered the matter further and would now settle for a short custodial sentence or tagging. That is except for anyone who steals my books -they should die. No-one has stolen any of my books for a while mainly because I have stopped lending them to people. I don't know why but with a few exceptions people seem to think 'borrow' and keep mean the same thing when it comes to books. The most, otherwise respectable people see nothing wrong in 'borrowing' a book then keeping it. It's hardly surprising this behaviour has infected our public libraries which now I think on it also contain MY books given that I am a tax payer.

I remember lending a book to a spinster of impeccable character, or so I thought, some years ago. After three months of 'forgetting' to bring it into work she confessed she'd lent it to her sister who'd thought it was 'crap' and left it by a pool in Turkey. I have never been so furious in my life! Her sister only had one eye so naturally she'd only enjoy the book half as much as I did but that in no way justifies leaving it by a pool in Turkey. No-one asked me if my book could leave the country. She's bloody lucky I didn't poke her other eye out. The spinster and the cyclops offered to buy me another one but I didn't believe them. I was right, I'm still waiting. Even though I immediately went out and bought another one I still bear a grudge.
What sort of person deliberately leaves someone else's book in Turkey by a pool?

I have not lent many books since then. Even as we speak one of my collection is astray though I have several of that persons books in my possession as 'security'. These are the very lessons bitter experience teaches us.

The question that faces us now is how to stamp this out in the public libraries. We could arm librarians as a deterrent or name and shame everyone who pinches a Stephen King. Maybe it could be dealt with more informally and a couple of the bigger librarians could rough up a few thieves. A good beating from a handy librarian ought to nip a few budding criminal careers in the bud.

Cheerio

10 comments:

Steve said...

I know exactly what you mean. I lent a my copy of "The Dice Man" to a friend a while ago and it came back with what appeared to be a vomit stain over the first few pages! He claims he doesn't know how it got there but I was still mad!

He's offered to buy me another copy, but like you, I'm still waiting . . .

Clairwil said...

I don't know what's worse never seeing your book again or getting it back covered in stains. I'm afraid I'm not optimistic about your chances of a replacement. I've been profiling this type of criminal for about ten years now. They are monsters without conscience. In the unlikely event he even buys the book he'll think to himself 'o Steve's not mentioned it for a while and it is such a good book, I think I'll keep it'. Don't let him get away with it.

iLL Man said...

I think if it came to pass that I had borrowed a book and proceeded to vomit over it (or to allow another to vomit over it) the very first thing i'd do is go out and buy a replacement. The embarrassment would simply be too much to bear otherwise.

Nicking Library books is a low cunt of a thing to do. Yes, even Stephen King novels..........

Billy said...

I lent my friend a copy of Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance. He had it for a year and kept forgetting to give it back.

Until... we met up and he presented me with the book at last. We then got rather drunk. In an attempt to prevent myself falling asleep on the tube on the way home I took the book out, intending to read it. Next thing I remember I'd missed my stop, got up with a start and left the book on the train. Very, very annoying. Never got it back.

alan said...

I lent a very attractive Spanish girl a book once, in the vain hope she would return it to me personally after she'd read it. In fact she proceeded to run away with a philandering artist from Portsmouth or some equally god-forsaken place. If you're reading this please bring it back, it's still not too late.

Falloff Boy said...

I love my books as I love my son.
The retribution meted out upon anyone unwise enough to keep either from me would be terrible to behold.
On a similar topic, whats your opinion on those that break paperback books' spines in order to fold the cover back?

Anonymous said...

Got any good books I can borrow?

I'll get 'em back to you - y'know - whenever...

Clairwil said...

The following is an acceptable way to obtain free books....
http://www.bookcrossing.com/

davo,
If I break a book's spine it is because it is too tightly bound and invariably the book belongs to me. If someone else breaks a book's spine the red mist descends people should be restricted to e-books only.

alan,
Best of luck with the Spanish girl. What book was it? If it was 'racy' that might be what prompted her to run of with the philanderer.

pam,
I have commissioned a 'specialist' website entitled 'Angry Librarians'- I take it I can count on your custom.

Billy,
That is truly terrible luck and a lesson to us all about the dangers of drinking and reading.

jules
What has prompted this transition to becoming the blogger formerly known as woman. Or are you an impostor?

Jez,
I'd probably stand a better chance of getting a book back after lending it to a total stranger on the internet than some people I know.

Clairwil said...

The following is an acceptable way to obtain free books....
http://www.bookcrossing.com/

davo,
If I break a book's spine it is because it is too tightly bound and invariably the book belongs to me. If someone else breaks a book's spine the red mist descends people should be restricted to e-books only.

alan,
Best of luck with the Spanish girl. What book was it? If it was 'racy' that might be what prompted her to run of with the philanderer.

pam,
I have commissioned a 'specialist' website entitled 'Angry Librarians'- I take it I can count on your custom.

Billy,
That is truly terrible luck and a lesson to us all about the dangers of drinking and reading.

jules
What has prompted this transition to becoming the blogger formerly known as woman. Or are you an impostor?

Jez,
I'd probably stand a better chance of getting a book back after lending it to a total stranger on the internet than some people I know.

Anonymous said...

"I was demanding the return of the death penalty"

That's funny, so was I, just a minute ago over at my place, but only for murder, nothing as serious as book-stealing.