A Rather Delicate Question....

Hello,

There is a heated debate on the Daily Mail website about the menace of birth control nurses in schools which is where I've plucked this glittering gem from....

'How about someone in every school - or home for that matter - to dispense lessons in morality. Recently two children appeared in court for having oral sex in a public park in full public view. I thought that only animals did that sort of thing. Is that the moral standard of our youngsters today?Perhaps also there should be a police officer in every school to enforce the law concerning sex with under-age children.'

I don't watch many nature documentaries so I'm not terribly well informed on animal sex, however I didn't know that our friends in the animal kingdom went in for oral sex. I'd always had them down as joyless procreation only creatures. Apart from dogs who are slavering sex offenders. Honestly if they're not after your leg, they're over in the corner worrying a cushion. Anyway I'd really appreciate it if anyone could enlighten me as to whether animals go in for oral fun. I feel certain I'm not alone in finding the suggestion that there should be someone in every home to dispense lessons in morality sinister. I only have one bedroom, where on earth would I put them? I only hope the anonymous commentator is not in a position of authority in the government. I can just here the cries of bovine women of a certain age 'well if you've nothing to hide, you've nothing to fear'.

I have to say schools nowadays sound bloody brilliant. We didn't get 'sex' lessons and free emergency contraceptives in my day. Instead we had to traipse all the way round to the GP's surgery which was a pain. It might also explain why I am so confused as to how babies are conceived. I always thought that if you used contraception properly you were likely to be OK. But no apparently it has something to do with benefits and the availability of council housing.

'The only way to prevent teenage girls becoming pregnant is to stop providing them with accommodation and endless benefits'

Like any force on earth could keep a frisky teen in check. I was a borderline rapist at that age! The rest of it just bangs on about how we should make unmarried teenage girls and their offspring homeless as a deterrent. No-one seems to have any ideas about how the fathers of these children should be punished. Personally I'd go down the route of making them pay maintenance. That seems to get them hopping mad! Though I doubt it would act as a deterrent. Men come into our work all the time demanding we get on to the CSA and explain on their behalf that the mother of their children is a bitch and that they don't see their children, so shouldn't have to pay for them. I must say I'd have more sympathy for them if they didn't preface their enquiry with a deranged rant about women being liars and bitches.

I remember my best friend leaving school at seventeen to have a baby. She left voluntarily, although incredibly the previous year the headmaster had attempted to expel a girl for being pregnant lest she influence the other girls. I remember the dire predictions of parents and the bitchier girls that she had ruined her life. I also remember running into her on a train with her ten year old daughter a few years back on her way to her graduation ceremony. In an ideal world everyone would wait until they are relatively settled before having children but we are dealing with nature which follows it's own agenda. If you are from a background where little is expected of you, unless you are exceptionally driven or have discovered a talent for something, it is unlikely you will achieve much whether you reproduce at thirteen, thirty or not at all.
I wonder how many Daily Mail readers have transcended their upbringing particularly dramatically (with the exception of the asylum seekers who visit my surgery and can't get enough of the bloody thing). I suspect not many, so why they expect people born into disadvantaged backgrounds to be any more driven or determined is a mystery to me. People tend to accept their daily surroundings as normal unless they are in immediate danger of death or injury.

Now go and hoot at this.