3/24/2006

Words Fail Me......


Hello,

The above is a sculpture of Britney Spears giving birth. I had no idea she gave birth on a fur rug. Famous people can be so glamourous sometimes. There's not much else I can say really is there?

Cheerio

12 comments:

David Duff said...

Just a technical question, if I may? Is that a normal or recommended position for women to give birth? I do remember in the British Military Hospital in Singapore where my son was born, the nurses would get a bit frantic when sometimes the Ghurkha wives would go missing in order to find some quiet place and produce their child on their own in the squatting position.

Being an older chap, I haven't a clue about women's plumbing! I also remember an occasion hanging around at RAF Lyneham for a plane with a crowd of so-called tough, hairy-arsed Paras watching some women's programme in which a birth was going to be shown. Great anticipation and ribaldry from the assembled 'Toms' - until the head appeared with an outflow of the gunge that comes with it, at which point, most of us went a 'lighter shade of pale' and departed!

Aine said...

I quite liked that before I realised it was bloody Britney Spears...

"Is that a normal or recommended position for women to give birth?"

Nope, that's not the normal position. The best position to give birth in is 'squatting' (just as you mention, David) so that gravity assists the birth. The worst position is lying on your back, which is of course the position that hospitals generally make you use unless you really stick up for yourself.

Soupdragon said...

What a load of fucking bollocks man... could he not have found summat else to waste his time on? Ah well...
Nice camera pics, by the way.
Britney Spears (only good fer't rhyming slang "beers") can kiss my arse.
Nice blog though. Please carry on. :)
You don't write in Scots, no?

Clairwil said...

Hello all,
David please tell me at least one para fainted. I will have to defer to woman's superior knowledge on the subject of giving birth, though I feel certain the fur rug is a bad move.
Soup Dragon I would love to blog in Scots but I only know a little and not enough to write it fluently. Oddly enough I did look for lessons a while back but couldn't find any. Can anyone help?

ill man said...

I've seen that position, but only in porno flicks. Maybe the artist thinks women give birth by getting on all fours on bearskin rugs and firing the little chap out like a troublesome fart, midwife on hand with the catch net. Truly surreal.

David Duff said...

Sorry, 'Clairwil', I was first out the door trying not puke into my red beret! And when my son was about to be borne I was in the labour ward being totally ineffectual when my wife gave a yelp and to my intense relief a stern-faced Scottish QARANC came in, took one look at her, then turned to me and to my intense relief issued a one-word command, "Ooot!" Sometime later I was shown a bundle in a blanket and the nurse held it up and told me it was my son. I can honestly say that I have never seen anything so ugly in all my life. Its forehead sloped back at 45 degrees, and its head was *pointed*!! It looked as though it had come out of a pencil sharpener. I use the word 'it' deliberately. I was truly horrified. But no-one had ever told me that babies have soft heads and all that pushing through a narrow passage squidges things up a bit. My advice to all young expectant fathers is to ignore all that crap advice about watching the birth of your children. Go down the pub instead!

Aine said...

"My advice to all young expectant fathers is to ignore all that crap advice about watching the birth of your children. Go down the pub instead!"

I'm in two minds as to whether the father should be there at the birth or not. Giving birth is horrific, sheer hell, and the least the man responsible can do is be there to comfort his partner. My ex was there at our son's birth, and he cried and prayed for me to die so the pain would stop. I begged him to kill me, and I'm sure he would have if he could.

Tra la la...

On the other hand, he saw the whole gruesome event, including the head emerging, etc, which I found truly humilating. And he never looked at me the same way again. I believe it contributed to the end of our relationship.

So I don't know...maybe men should wait in the waiting room. They certainly shouldn't be down the bloody pub having a good time!

Soupdragon said...

Clairwil:
There's this... http://www.scots-online.org/

:)

There's something about it having been written in Scots that makes it that much more special. :)

Sir Stewart Wallace said...

"On the other hand, he saw the whole gruesome event, including the head emerging, etc, which I found truly humilating. And he never looked at me the same way again. I believe it contributed to the end of our relationship."

Funny, I know of a guy who echoes that sentiment. Maybe theres something in that.

Personally, I spent the entire birth of my son with my eyes firmly fixed above my wife's shoulders.
A complete waste of space I felt too.

Clairwil said...

Men at the birth can certainly have mixed results. My friend's husband disgraced himself twice during the birth of his first son. First by turning to his wife and saying 'it's all right for you, you should try viewing this from the goal end' at a particularly painful bit of the birth. Later as the head emerged he was heard to exclaim 'Oh God his head's the same colour as your fanny'. At which point the midwife threatened to throw him out.

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