I've had a look at my stats tracker and note that some of you have arrived here in search of the worlds biggest penis. Personally I'm rather disappointed that the worlds biggest penis is attached to a flabby Jimmy Carr lookalike, though I suppose I'd feel worse if it were attached to Jimmy Carr. Anyway in the interests of satisfying public demand here is a picture of the absurdly large thing.

Speaking of obscenity, has anyone else been watching Eastenders recently? I have been most distressed by the graphic scenes involving Big Pat and Patrick. Most distressed. For the first two episodes of this horror my brain was unable to process what was happening. It was similar to the feeling I had when my living room ceiling fell in a few months back, a mixture of bewilderment and fear.

Not since Frank turned up in nothing but a spinning bow tie on Pats doorstep have the bounds of decency been broken in such an appalling manner on British television. For those of you wise enough not to watch soap operas Big Pat and Patrick have been indulging in a series of steamy romps in the car lot portakabin, the most disturbing of which involved Pat naked under a coat, being presented with a vast outsize negligee. The whole thing had a car crash quality about it. It defies belief that something so 'specialist' can be broadcast prior to the watershed.

I thought focus groups were consulted about these things. Is there really public demand for more fat old people shagging on TV. Who on earth thought such a story line would be a good idea?


ill man said...

Sweet Baby Jesus!!!

That's not a dick, it's a third fucking leg!!

Wonder if his mates call him tripod?

Aine said...

Pat/Patrick? Is hideous, hideous.

Clairwil said...

It's all hideous.

alan said...

i once saw a picture of a man with his penis tied in a knot. it was much bigger than that, and only slightly smaller than mine. there must be some mistake. as for pat'n'patrick i agree it's totally nauseating. it was the bit about the pineapple rings that got me. apart from being a lousy actress, pat must be THE most unattractive woman on the box. to men, that is. what next? dot cotton shagging ian beale? oh no, of course, it'll be the ever-so-coy miss brahms aka pauline fowler in a nuptial clinch with the ultra-irritating joe. and then we've got the prospect of some girl on girl action between haddock-eating sonia (surely a gannet in a previous incarnation) and naomi. will martin get to watch? will i? no. there will be no television in my tiny house on lochlomondside. but how do the bbc get away with all this crap pre-watershed anyway?

Chas Ravndal said...

fat people fucking is way uncool not to mention gross!

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