The Office Pervert Is A Mud Fan.
I really must apologise for the lack of posts this week but my life has not been my own. There are a surprising number of people who seem to think that no Christmas gathering is complete without me sitting in a corner watching the clock.
The works night out was the unexpected highlight of the week. I have been dreading it for months, but I've not laughed so hard in ages. There is nothing I like better than a good gloat. The thought that I will one day chance upon my enemies begging on a corner, dead or watching their uninsured house go up in flames is what keeps me going. So you will all understand my utter joy at like seeing someone I don't like make an arse of themselves. The spring is well and truly back in my step. When someone makes a total arse of themselves to Tiger Feet by Mud it goes beyond amusing. I don't think I shall ever laugh again, I think my laugh has given up through overwork.
Long term readers will be aware of my hatred of the office pervert. I thought he was just an as yet undetected sex offender but no, he does tricks. As is normal at these things there was a fairly cheesy disco and all was going well. Middle aged women in glittery jumpers were bobbing about the dance floor, the youngsters were dancing ironically to some of the worst music ever committed to vinyl. Then the DJ put on Tiger Feet. Well I've never seen anything like it in my fucking life. The office pervert took a running jump into the centre of the dance floor, he tried to run up a wall, he tried to slide across the floor on his knees and had to use his hands to push himself along.
Anyone who thinks women are the weaker sex has never witnessed anything like the ruthless efficiency of the assembled women in encouraging this prick to make an even bigger clown of himself. They quickly surrounded him a circle, they clapped, they cheered, they danced towards him, retreating in helpless laughter and best of all they let out a collective 'woooo' every time he attempted a more daring move. It was easily as funny as 'the dance' in The Office, if not funnier. It's very hard to describe but imagine a combination of an epileptic fit, Shakin Stevens and a disturbed five year old on speed.
His boggled eyed excitement at the opening bars of Tiger Feet was the oddest thing I've ever witnessed. It was as if he'd never heard music before. His excitement was such that he appeared to be dancing three times as fast as the music. After his remarkable display of mental illness, which had by the end drawn a large crowd, he went into a very bad mood. A very bad mood indeed, storming off into the night, not to be seen again. Well until Monday. I cannot wait to go to my work tomorrow.