Is This Real?

Hello,
It has to be said I have very mixed feelings about vandalism. On the one hand I disapprove of destroying public or private property for one's personal amusement but on the other it can on occasion be quite funny. Nevertheless it is illegal so I accept that when little Toby of Whitecraigs finds himself before the beak for his 'ghetto' antics he's got to be punished.

However I was surprised to read in today's Herald that one Gary Shields of Crookston was sentenced to 28 months in prison for his artistic endevours. He'd have been better stabbing someone really. If ever there was an offence crying out for community service or a bit of electronic tagging and a stiff fine it's this one. Oh if only I were a beak I'd have had Gary and his chums in the 'Eazy Riders' crew shackled together scrubbing walls and dislodging chewing gum for a year. I'd have fined the lot of them five grand each on top of requiring them to repay the cost of clearing up the mess they've already made and ordered them to attend literacy classes -'Eazy' indeed! In my court the little buggers would also be tagged and given a curfew to prevent them operating undercover of darkness. Oh and if they're responsible for the graffiti art pictured beside the report in the paper I'd chuck in some compulsory art classes. Honestly it's woeful.

At no point would it have occurred to me to send young Gary to Barlinnie to share a sell with a fellow sentenced to 28 months for trafficking £130,000 worth of cannabis. It's particularly absurd in this case given that trainee structural engineer Gary is an otherwise respectable fellow who was about to be be sent to university by his employer before 28 months of morning shower nerves entered the picture.

I shall spare you all my full prison reform rant suffice to say I'm on the harsh but fair wing that gets drowned out between the stick pins in their eyes and feed them gruel and the teach them to paint cats and fluff up their pillows brigades. My main beef with unduly harsh sentences is that it's taking up a place that could go to a kiddie fiddler or a proper thug. It's not fair that these people who work so hard to cause misery and distress wherever they go should be deprived of a place in prison just because some spray painting amateur is cluttering up a cell. If we as a society stop rewarding effort and hard work we'll grind to a halt and as no-one else is prepared to speak for the hard working criminal outcast the burden has fallen on my shoulders.

My other concern is that putting folk in prison who shouldn't really be there adds weight to the argument that regimes should become softer. Indeed it was the harsh treatment received by many well educated conscientious objectors during the first world war that led to the relaxation of many unduly harsh rules -not that I'm placing Gary in such illustrious company. That was fine back then because the treatment of prisoners was utterly appalling, however we're starting from a much more relaxed position these days. Quite apart from anything else the opinions of prisoners on their treatment should be an irrelevance. Unless they are calling attention to serious abuse of their basic and I emphasise basic human rights I have little interest in how they think or feel about anything. It is far easier to dismiss the bleating of a murderer about prison, an otherwise respectable vandal commands a great deal more sympathy.


As a deterrent his sentence is useless because it's too atypical to have any real impact. Making it typical does not serve the interests of society in any way. In any case how many vandals are caught in the act -judging by the epidemic of bus shelter destruction in the east end I'd guess very few. As far as I can tell efforts to clean up the city are directed at easy targets -city centre office workers dropping fag ends whilst out for a fly fag and so on. The truth is Gary was very unfortunate to be caught.

I accept that for many people graffiti creates an intimidating atmosphere but the we cannot start handing out jail sentences on the basis of people's feelings. In any case if the public regularly saw offenders cleaning up they would draw comfort from the knowledge that something is being done. Gary's sentence is a waste of public money that will achieve little but give those with an understandable desire for vengeance a few seconds victory, until of course they turn the page of their paper and see someone out on parole to ease overcrowding on trial for rape.

Cheerio

Bloody Israelis

Hello,
I have entitled this post bloody Israelis to trick you all into thinking I'm going to go on a rant about Palestine but I'm not you'll be relived/disgusted to hear instead I want to warn the women of Glasgow about a menace at large in Debenhams.

The Israeli menace is very charming and talks to one in that I want to marry you way that I thought the was exclusive to Turkish gentlemen but apparently is practised by the Israeli chap too.

I was minding my own business on my way to the hat section when all of a sudden I was pounced on by a chap who wanted to talk to me about the Dead Sea. I'm not knowledgeable about the Dead Sea but I do find it interesting so agreed to follow him to his counter. Before I knew what was happening my hands were covered in salt and I was being told that Mr Clairwil was the luckiest man in the world. Do you know when I related this to Mr Clairwil he snorted! Then refused to explain the meaning of the snort and frantically tried to change the subject.

After being salted, oils and creams and jars of salt started to appear from nowhere accompanied only by somewhat alarming declarations of love from the sales chap. I had, if I'm honest suspected an ulterior motive for all this worship right from the start and was proved right when I asked how much this mountain of salt based products was going to cost only to be told £149.95. Bah! I knew he didn't really love me.

Frankly I consider myself lucky to have escaped only £60 worse off with a free gift that is only available to 'beautiful women' -though I suspect the definition of beauty in this situation is somewhat flexible.

All that said the salt scrub is excellent and has left my skin very smooth -even my hands but suspect the same results could have been achieved with a big bag of sea salt and a bottle of almond oil at a fraction of the price. Then again that wouldn't have been half as funny.

So ladies be warned there is a squad of them roaming Debenhams sweet talking your purses empty.

Cheerio