Rubbish Headlines!

Hello,
The disease of writing intriguing headlines and then popping a really dull story underneath it seems to have spread from Take A Break magazine to the broadsheets. Quite why this might be I cannot say but there it is -The Guardian is turning into Chat with politics which surely means the end is nigh.

With that in mind, if you hear hooves, assume it's the four horsemen of the apocalypse and say something nice to God. I have no idea whether the blighter exists or not but with stuff like this on the loose I intend to play it safe. Believe me when that fifth trumpet sounds in 2012 I do not intend to one of the billions who will die.

Anyway there I was perusing The Guardian when I chanced upon a jolly headline: 'Shanghai's older residents turn to drugs'. Immediately visions of Chinese grannies blowing their children's inheritance on coke and toyboys leapt into my minds eye. Reading the article was like being shoved under a cold shower in a mouldy bathroom by a teacher with halitosis.

Sadly the pensioners aren't having a very good time. It's all rather depressing, the poor old timers are at a bit of a loose end and feeling lonely post retirement. Instead of taking up disco dancing and inappropriate public sex tricks to perk themselves up they're taking drugs to keep them awake during marathon mahjong sessions and developing all sorts of health problems. All I wanted was a chucklesome tale of geriatric anarchy and decadence and instead had this thin gruel ladled on to my plate. A swindle. A bum deal! Can anyone direct me to something uplifting and amusing? Restore my faith in human naughtiness.

Cheers