I was pootling about the internet when I stumbled across this old rant by and I regret to inform you, I'm not joking, my brother's favourite comedian, Jim Davidson. Today's strut across the plains of the internet has been like a very strange dream. First up I got an email calling me a 'murderous Jew cunt' for no discernible reason and which murderous cunt aside lacks accuracy. Then I saw this , then this before finally encountering the full loopiness of Davidson. I really wonder if I have woken up in some sort of parallel universe.
It seems that Mr Davidson is unhappy with the level of crime in Britain, a fair enough point and a fairly mainstream view. However he then goes on to inform us that the situation is much better in Dubai in a manner which suggests that he'd like a bit of the same here. In other words it would appear that Jim Davidson has written an open letter to our Home Secretary requesting the introduction of Sharia law in Britain. Oh my sainted aunt.
As resorts go Dubai is hardly Club Tropicana. This website reckons it's the 'dream holiday place' which it might well be if you're a lunatic puritan but frankly it sounds rubbish. For a start you can't even shag a chap unless you're married to him! Worse still you can't even be alone with a chap, even for an innocent chat if you're not related. Freaks! Their drug laws are barking mad, even more so than our state sponsored overreaction. Look what happened to these poor folk. They also take a dim view of miscarriages.
Still we must remember that Mr Davidson has been a victim of crime in the UK himself despite having 'a personal security team' comprised of 'ex-Hereford hooligans' which isn't rewarding crime at all is it? Anyway as I was saying Jim did have some bother with the UK crime last time he was over here.
According to Davidson there was a man on his face and he needed a copper to tell the man to wind his neck in. I know, I know, it could only happen to Davidson! He's mad! No, honestly I really do think he's mentally disturbed. What other explanation can there be? When the police told him he'd need to come to the station and make a complaint he told them and this bit beggars belief, that he'd get his ex-hooligans to deal with it instead. What sort of idiot phones the police and tells them they are about to pay their staff to assault someone? Jesus wept. Naturally the police threatened to prosecute him. That does tend to happen if you phone them up and tell them you are about to commit a crime even if it's in retaliation.
In any case if I were the police I'd take any report of a crime from Davidson with a pinch of salt. Not solely from malevolence but because he has something of a tendency to overreact. Look at how he responds to finding himself in the same room as someone with comic timing.