Some of my very long term readers may remember my blog -The Postcard Manifestos which fell by the wayside back in 2006 when I had my 'episode'. In truth I've been off sick mentally if not physically for the last three years. More recently I've been battling withdrawl symptoms having decided to sack the anti-depressants before I ballooned any further in size. It was a one way street for me with the only shop being Evans. Not even the introduction of the Ditto range can take the edge of that misery- though ladies and the more colouful gents amongst us should know it's the best purveyour of fine junk jewellery on the high street, you should also know that they practice vanity sizing to a remarkable degree. I nearly drowned trying on an outfit in my now usual size. Honestly I thought I would end my days half in and half out that vast frock, gasping and ffinally dying a bloated exhausted wreck.
This is the first week I've felt like myself again. It's hard to explain but I don't feel like I'm watching myself on the worlds most boring telly anymore, nor do I feel the need to scoff cheese every 30 seconds. I had always wondered how big I'd get if I ate all the cheese I wanted. Now I know the answer is the national average for ladies I am filled with admiration for the women of Britain. Carrying such a monsterous weight around just about killed my back and my left ankle. I really don't know how the average woman copes -though I suspect I may have munched my way to the reason they're always at the doctors.
However I am now back at the large end of my normal weight just another dress size to go and normal appeance will be resumed. Thanks to everyone who's not shown their obvious embarrassment at being seen with family size Clairwil in public. I'm not one of these weight obsessed birds, which is just as well but really there are limits and it would be nice if mummy could look at me once in a while without evident disgust. I suspect all this is karmic retribution or inwardly sneering at a chum who went from a size 8 to a size 16 during an 'episode'.
Anyway now I've made my excuses let's get to the point. The Postcard Manifestos are back in business so let's have you're postcards telling us all why you'd like to rule the world. And while we're at it can at least one of my readers donate to the bulb fund as The Ill Man is beating me in the readers generosity stakes and it's a bit of beamer being the tightwad's blog of choice. I've already put £90 of my own cash in and will match all donations pound for pound up to a maximum of £200. Come on think of the bees.