Down With the Botherers.

Hello,
Has a festival of slow witted intolerance commenced without me being informed this year? I merely ask because our local knuckledraggers seem to have been rather vocal of late.

On Saturday we had our Republican and Orange chums beg the question who should be put up against a wall and shot first and leave me scratching my head. I am of course referring to the Armed Forces Day debacle on Saturday. It could and should have been a perfectly ordinary, straightforward military service. Instead we have in the Orange corner we have soap dodgers mooing witlessly at the Scottish Secretary Jim Murphy not because he's a useless careerist little nit but because he's a Catholic. Not to be outdone the Green corner mooed witlessly at the army for being British in Britain, motivated no doubt by a desire to provoke the Orangers to attack so they can go up the road whining about British persecution.

Would it be asking too much of both sides to reflect on the tolerance shown to them during their repellent marches by the appalled, inconvenienced and intimidated public and consider returning the favour once in a while? It's not like the rest of us don't want to chop them into little pieces before hurling them into remote landfill sites it's just that we were born and brought up as opposed to shat out and dragged down which helps with restraint. Do not even start me on their post Old Firm match antics which prove beyond all reasonable doubt that both evolution and intelligent design are bunk. Someone should organise a literacy campaign as a matter of urgency.

Moving on the owner of The Pakistani Cafe has taken the unusual step of rolling up to work in a stab proof vest owing to a collection of sub normal halwifts taking exception to his cafe. I must declare an interest here in that I'm a big fan of The Pakistani, the food is fantastic, the prices are dirt cheap and it's a nice, relaxed place to while away an hour with the paper and a cup of chai.
Reading the report in the record the trouble appears to have started when a customer took exception to the presence of a book by Salman Rushdie amongst the reading material provided for customers. I must confess I prefer a bit of P.G Wodehouse myself, if I were the customer I'd just have ignored the books I didn't like and made do with Chat or Women's Realm rather than kicking up a stupid fuss over nothing.

Anyway it all seems to have got out of hand and now the youths have got the hump because the cafe owner plays a bit of music and serves alcohol which, unless the Taliban have been elected behind my back is perfectly acceptable in these parts. To my mind it's way more acceptable than this latter day bunch of Carry Nation's threatening to petrol bomb the cafe, smashing windows and sticking their beaks into other folks business. Who appointed these wankers as the south side's moral guardians? They can't be allowed to get the upper hand, let them win once and before we know it no-one will be allowed to do anything except break windows and hurl petrol bombs if their disgraceful conduct is anything to go by.

Still every cloud has a silver lining, it's not often one gets to stand up to the scum of the earth, show a bit of solidarity with a man in trouble whilst eating like a king on a beggars wages. To that end I recommend everyone make a point of dropping into The Pakistani Cafe for a cup of chai and a bite to eat as often as they possibly can not only to thwart the puritans but because it's a bloody fine establishment and I don't want our Mr Sharif drowning in a sea of stupidity.

Cheerio

P.S The Karachi omelette is a triumph.