Bishop Devine

Hello,
I see frock wearing old cocksucker Bishop Devine has been acting the giddy goat in the papers again. Oh dear.

There is a part of me that loves Catholicism and a part that makes me want to kick the church down a flight of stairs. I attribute it to my my 'mixed' heritage. My 'mixed heritage' was something that never mattered growing up in a normal area but having gone east I've found it to be both an invaluable tool in reasoning with arseholes and in tormenting morons. I can see both sides. Catholics win on art, Prods on literacy and I declare a draw on music. You may scoff but in my neck of the woods there are flute bands that are easily as good as a Latin Mass.

In terms of religion I love Christianity, Sikhism, Hinduism, Islam, Voodoo and Wicca. I love luck generating charms and systems I am superstitious. I substitute the word atheist for the word wank, I've never been sufficiently riled to get onto the rationalists answer to Hezbollah -theists. In truth I pretend they don't exist. I cannot bear rational folk. If they are so sensible then why can't they bring their bad breath under control? Theists are the sort of people who idolise John Lennon then have the cheek to piss on other people's faith.

Anyway that was all by way of a reminder as to where I stand on religion. Now onto them deviants.

I am only bi but I help the lezzas out when they're short staffed. I don't mind gay chaps even if I envy their ability to enjoy anal sex. I can't see the attraction in it myself though Mr Clairwil (a real life lapsed Catholic) can dish it out but can't take it.

I expect my views are in part informed by the above. Does that make it clearer to the authors of this weeks fan mail? Good then let's get back to Bishop Devine.

Before I start I merely observe that it is sad that homosexuals and bishops can't find a bit of common ground, with them being the only two groups of men subject to 'backs to the walls lads' jokes.

Moving on, Bishop Devine is baffled by homosexuals turning up for holocaust memorials. Bishop Devine claims to be a Christian which as far as I understand it means that he should condemn homosexual conduct as per Leviticus but shouldn't mean pretending that homosexuals didn't cop it under the Nazis. Does that count as holocaust denial? I think it does. Might I suggest a walk round any of the remaining concentration camps or a quick read as a cure for that delusion.

He also appears to be one of the last remaining folk outside literary marketing that are glad Oscar Wilde went to prison. I know folk that claim to feel nauseous at the very thought of chap sex who would protest at anyone being locked up for it. After all people spring about freely for committing lesser sins. Why does he have such a bee in his bonnet about yon gays? Does Bishop Devine secretly want it up the arse?

People throw rocks at my head for this all the time but I have no objection to Bishop Devine or anyone else thinking homosexuality, adultery, gluttony or dear old sex before marriage is wrong. It's all there in the Bible! Religious folk are under no obligation to adhere to modern liberal thoughts. In fact I'd be the first to take to the streets in their defence if anyone forced them to. Bishops have got a duty to uphold standards. I just get narked when they seem to believe that folk outside their little cult should be subject to their rules. Frankly I blame Catholic schools for giving them ideas above their station.

The dear old bish is also ticked off at secularism. On this I think he's right. The biggest threat to people like him is a truly secular state. The power base of daft priests and bishops is Catholic schools -everyone else laughs at them! The best thing the state could do is withdraw funding for these indoctrination tanks unless of course they want to destroy any hope of racial and religious integration in this country by funding Muslim schools?

I'll defend to the death the Catholic's right to be puritans -more than they'd do for me. But people let's keep those folk in their place. Rise up and make every publicly funded school secular. If there really is a need for the "unique ethos" of a Catholic school in this (if anything) Protestant country then let the Vatican stump up the cash.