11/19/2007

Bloody Israelis

Hello,
I have entitled this post bloody Israelis to trick you all into thinking I'm going to go on a rant about Palestine but I'm not you'll be relived/disgusted to hear instead I want to warn the women of Glasgow about a menace at large in Debenhams.

The Israeli menace is very charming and talks to one in that I want to marry you way that I thought the was exclusive to Turkish gentlemen but apparently is practised by the Israeli chap too.

I was minding my own business on my way to the hat section when all of a sudden I was pounced on by a chap who wanted to talk to me about the Dead Sea. I'm not knowledgeable about the Dead Sea but I do find it interesting so agreed to follow him to his counter. Before I knew what was happening my hands were covered in salt and I was being told that Mr Clairwil was the luckiest man in the world. Do you know when I related this to Mr Clairwil he snorted! Then refused to explain the meaning of the snort and frantically tried to change the subject.

After being salted, oils and creams and jars of salt started to appear from nowhere accompanied only by somewhat alarming declarations of love from the sales chap. I had, if I'm honest suspected an ulterior motive for all this worship right from the start and was proved right when I asked how much this mountain of salt based products was going to cost only to be told £149.95. Bah! I knew he didn't really love me.

Frankly I consider myself lucky to have escaped only £60 worse off with a free gift that is only available to 'beautiful women' -though I suspect the definition of beauty in this situation is somewhat flexible.

All that said the salt scrub is excellent and has left my skin very smooth -even my hands but suspect the same results could have been achieved with a big bag of sea salt and a bottle of almond oil at a fraction of the price. Then again that wouldn't have been half as funny.

So ladies be warned there is a squad of them roaming Debenhams sweet talking your purses empty.

Cheerio

10 comments:

David Duff said...

Try as I might, I have nothing to say on the subject of women's beauty aids, a subject as mysterious and mythical as the Iliad; however, one thing did produce a double take (and please read the next bit in your very best Lady Bracknell voice) - the Hat Department!

The 'Bovver' Boots Department, possibly; the sexy Underwear Department on behalf of Mr. Clairwil, quite likely; the Dress Department, certainly, as it is a well-known fact that no woman can ever knowingly pass by one without taking "a quick look" usually lasting a minimum of two hours - but the Hat Department! I mean, it's not the wedding season and Ascot's not due until next year.

I think we should be told!

iLL Man said...

Ah! So my disguise worked.........

I think the hat was to wear to the speedway next season, no?

David Dyff said...

No, no, 'Ill Man', I just see Clairwil in a milliner's confection of gauze and beads and flowers, it would go so awfully well with her social worker outfit of denim boiler suit, don't you think?

iLL Man said...

Denim boiler suit? Kinky.......

And who's this 'David Dyff'

Daffyd Duff said...

It's my Welsh cousin, twice removed (thank God!), trying to steal my identity. He has obviously purloined my details from the Inland Revenue - actually they seem to be handing them out free and gratis at the moment - and is mounting a wicked campaign to make me appear an illiterate half-wit.

But we all know better, do we not?

Clairwil said...

Illman,
You nefarious creature!

David Duff & Family
I must point out that I am not a social worker and have never owned a denim boiler suit in my life -it's frocks or skirts for me all the way. As for the hat mystery I was after a beret and perhaps a small cocktail hat -nothing suitable for Ascot.

David Duff said...

"Frocks or skirts [...] a small cocktail hat"!

Clairwil, I knew you were the woman for me! Leave Mr. Clairwil and fly to me, he might be young and, er, vigorous, but there is a life for you here (and a dress allowance!) and much satisfaction to be had from caring for an old man, you know, lovingly wiping the constant dribble down my chin, that sort of thing.

"Frocks"! I haven't heard that word in years. And a beret! With a trenchcoat, of course, collar up and with a tie-belt and a cigarette - soooo 1940s French resistance! Yes, you're the woman for me!

iLL Man said...

By Jove!

Will Clairwil accept Duff's 'alluring' offer?

Will 'The Little Memsahib' cut off the old goats internet access (and a few other things as well)?

Has David watched 'The Third Man' once too often?

All will (probably not) be revealed.........

liwo said...

香港女星寫真,a片分享,美女色情裸體,台灣kiss情色貼圖,美腿圖,正妹,日本情色網,情色卡通下載,免費下載的做愛照片,線上a片免費看,tube影片,情色成人,ro 私服論壇,色情網,aaa片免費看短片分享區,日本人妻熟女自拍貼圖,蕃薯論壇,台灣網友自拍貼照,嘟嘟成人網,狂插漂亮美眉,8591論壇,女同志聊天室,人妻俱樂部網站,背包客棧論壇,成人性感內衣,看美女脫光光,黑澀會美眉無名,色咪咪貼影片,無碼a片,aa片免費看,免費線上觀看a片,做愛的圖片,色情漫畫,性感卡通美女圖片,香港a片,自拍,情色圖書館,plus 28 論壇,1007視訊,熟女自拍照,苗栗人聊天室,黑澀會美眉即時通,jp成人,色情,aaaaa片俱樂部,情侶歡愉用品,

okav成人影院,網友裸體自拍,交友ukiss,娘家影片,a片免費,黑澀會美眉即時通,人妻性交俱樂部,聊天室尋夢園,18禁,情色性感美女圖片,美女短片免費試看,3級女星寫真,情色短片論壇,摯愛中年聊天室,美腿貼圖,影音聊天,聊天室找一夜,g世代論壇,免費線上影片,淫蕩少女,火辣美眉自拍寫真貼圖,內衣寫真秀,美少女自拍,aa片免費看影片,麗的情色,gogo2sex,aooyy 成人玩具,台灣成人網,素人自拍,

fgeegf said...

sogo情色網,小魔女免費影片,9k躺伯虎聊天室,只有貼圖區,網路美女,a片小遊戲,比基尼辣妹影片,視訊交友90739,免費色情影片,星光情色討論版,18禁地戀愛遊戲,廁所偷拍,18禁,台灣kiss情色文學,線上看,飯島愛影片觀看,免費線上影片,美腿論壇,聊天室找一夜,情色自拍,影音日誌,自拍片,寫真女郎攝影網,網愛聊天室,情色文學網,av女優dvd,dudu 嘟嘟貼圖區,比基尼辣妹影片,視訊聊天室,自拍照片,成人論壇,模特兒寫真,a片dvd,情色偷拍,美女遊戲,666 貼圖區,成人短片,線上觀看a片,免費a片線上看,080 聊天室,情色交友,女生自衛影片,男男貼圖區,免費線上觀看a片,模特兒,家庭教師影片,情色貼片,美女貼圖片區,免費aa片試看,成人貼圖區,網際論壇,

線上直播a片,免費a圖a片,080 聊天室,av視訊,情色交友,模特兒,自拍影片,真實自拍,嘟嘟情色,視訊,免費視訊聊天室,壞朋友論壇fliendo,成人a片,美女交友,383v live實境影音秀,嘟嘟貼圖,花王自拍,飯島愛寫真集,微風寫真網,忘年之交聊天室,爽翻天成人用品,正妹百人斬,383影音live秀,美女做愛,天天情色,免費視訊聊天室,vlog電眼美女,聊天室080,情色貼片,無碼女優,showlive影音聊天網,日本女優,都都成人站,視訊會議,080 苗栗人聊天室,洪爺情色網,北部人聊天室,一葉晴貼圖區,色遊戲,同志影片,aaaa片俱樂部,免費影片線上直播,ut男同志聊天室,貼影片,免費a片下載,歐美模特兒寫真,百分百成人圖片,ut 女同聊天室,夫妻自拍,