Sadly I have work in the morning. Grrrrr! As I'm already in trouble for my time keeping I shall be in bed by two. However should anything of note occur between now and then I shall wallop it up having made a last minute hop onto the 'live blogging' bandwagon
23:21- A broken helicopter up north delays the results. I think it's an island that's affected not sure which one, I was running a tap and didn't hear the full report.
23:25- They're rubbing our faces in Labour having the run of Scotland for the last two million years.
23:26 Fuck it's that toad Douglas Alexander. He was round my way a few weeks back provoking the heckle of the decade from a slightly pissed pensioner 'You no even worth shouting at ya prick!'. I settled for a muttered 'cunt'.
23:31 Christ what a bunch of bores.
23:32 The broken helicopter is in Inverness. The votes of the Western Isles are stranded.
23:33 Oh it's not broken. It's something to do with fog.
23:37 Christ they're talking about the new electronic voting system. They've been using it in Norway apparently.
23:38 OOOOH fifteen minutes from the first result. A Labour win in some bovine Labour heartland is predicted.
23:42 Oh look Jeremy Vine
23:46 Wishaw the 'pigsty' is a bawhair off announcing a result.
23:47 Christ the pundits are waffling.
23:48 Oh it's Tommy. Doesn't he look smart!
23:50 There is something comical about Patrick Harvie.
23:51 Bollocks people only vote green when they can't be arsed spoling their paper.
23:52 'I haven't done the maths on that' -Patrick Harvie -I don't doubt it.
23:54 For the love of God! When will something happen.
23:55 Oh look it's Tommy again.
23:56 Oh no it's McConnel and Bridget 'The Moll' McConnell.
23:58 Harvie isn't comical. He's peculiar, like a panty sniffer. I'm scared.
23:59 Can we have Tommy back. I like the way he rolls his r's.
23:59 Run to the hills it's Jackie Bird.
00:14 A madman on the loose with a golf club in Edinburgh West. He smahed open the boxes and ripped up the ballot papers. Let's hope they were Labour votes.
00:27 Imagine how smug Terry Kelly must be feeling just now.
00:28 In fact don't you'll only get all maudlin.
00:29 Oh look Wishaw again.
00:31 RESULTS!!!! Oh McConnell won in the 'pigsty'.
00:33 Bald man with an anti-trident banner.
00:34 I think Scotland should be nuked.
00:35 Why won't McConnell shut up?
00:36 If I'd been one his pupils I'd have strangled him. Imagine that teaching fractions.
00:37 You can shove your smoking ban up your arse. If McConnell got lung cancer, I'd piss myself laughing.
00:38 A cup of tea, I think.
00:39 Ballot boxes sinking in the Clyde.
00:41 Highest ever vote for the spoiled ballots.
00:54 I think McConnell's having a nervous breakdown. He looks distracted as if he's about to cry. He's not even smirking. I'm worried.
00:57 I think he's on drugs.
01:02 Oh it's Kelvin (my bit) Fuck Off! Another Labour win. Booooo! 1207 majority down 2%.
01:06 Shut up you fucking fishwife.
01:08 1195 spoiled papers up from 169 in Kelvin.
01:11 Charles Kennedy looks like I feel
01:12 Dundee West SNP WIN! At fucking last! 6.1% swing to SNP from Labour.
01:42 Annieland Bloody Labour again. That's it I'm off to bed. Bunch of winning bastards.
01:45 Has the Labour winner lost his marbles? He's like a spinster shrieking at a mouse.
01:49 'very interesting seats'
01:52 Airdrie and Shotts Another Labour win. A big rough lassie in a cheap white jacket. I'll bet she's not wearing pants.