A New Religion.

I have decided that I am bored of atheism. In truth it was the other atheists that put me off. They remind me of puritans. They are the very sort that would say 'Clairwil, that's just silly' with a huffy straight face when I'm acting the goat. So I have decided to become religious to spite the wankers.

The final straw occurred this week as I was lectured by a dullard for the heinous crime of reading my stars. Until now I have always taken my stars with the largest pinch of salt, more interesting than the stock markets but with less influence on my life. I mean what in the name of God is wrong with casting one's eye over five lines of gibberish in the papers. Like the atheists superstitious clinging to reason and science is any more rational? Oh come on you dry old sticks know who you are, hopping like frigid spinsters fleeing a mouse onto a chair at the first sign of anything mystic. True, the inability of man to understand something doesn't mean it was God what dunnit, but what is wrong with using a mystical explanation as a means of meditating on the subject. There are strong parallels between the scientific explanation for the world's existence and the book of Genesis. Where is the harm in saying I don't know so I shall dream. What business is it of yours what others believe?

One can be concerned by the influence of religion and not wish to stamp it out. I can easily hold the view that the Catholic church should fuck off and stop trying to steal my right to abortion, and love a good mass. I can pray to my statues of Christian saints and Hindu gods whilst leafing through something earthbound and fact based. I am human and we are a funny bunch. In my view it isn't the religion itself that one should be against but the influence religion has. The two things are quite distinct. If I were to go and meditate in field, is your quality of life diminished in any way? Why should you wish to appear at my shoulder wearing the smirk of contempt and stop me? All that need concern the atheist on the street (I have met him and he is a cunt) is that I am happy. The cause of my grin is an irrelevance.

My problem is what religion to adopt. I fancy being a Sikh but I'm drawn to Hinduism and Catholicism, I'm partial to certain aspects of Islam and I have a few ideas of my own. Should I start my own religion or convert? I don't give a hoot whether God exists or not. The question for me is do I want to be happy or do I want to be right?



ill man said...

Aw! That's part of the fun of being an atheist. It's also part of the fun of being a Christian/Muslim/Jew/Hindu etc....It's the "I can't believe you believe that!" effect.

I do agree atheists can be smug in a way that even the most self satisfied Christian would be hard pressed to match but give us some slack, we are after all going straight to hell.......

I reckon Hinduism looks most fun though.

Old Knudsen said...

A black hearted Protestant is the way to go, join the Darkside lass.

Dr Dan H. said...

A certain Terry Pratchett once invented the religion of the Yen Buddhist. This is a rather peculiar sect that believes that money is the root of all evil.

This being the case, the Yen Buddhists undertake to acquire as much money as possible, to altruistically reduce the available supply to the bare minimum needed for a functioning society, and thus reduce sin and evil to a similar minimum.

This does of course have the downside of their adherents having to suffer strange and peculiarly horrible rites of purification, such as the "Bahamas Luxury Cruise", and possession of a fleet of Rolls Royces each (personal transport, you see, and a very good way of safely sequestering wealth), but with adequate training even such mortifications as these can be easily endured.

Fat Sparrow said...

DIY religion is most popular here in Southern California, and I do it myself.

A few Mary statues, a few Hindu items, some Runes, some Tarot, let's do some astrology to pass the time, etc. It's what I do.

You're dead on about the atheists, though. Christ in a cracker, have they had their sense of humor surgically removed? (excepting Ill Man, of course. Ahem.) I mean, I'm not trying to convert them, and God knows I'm with them on a few points, but in general, they treat it like a religion. I'm expecting them to go door to door like the JoHo's, next.

Clairwil said...

'A black hearted Protestant '

Mother would strangle me!

Fat Sparrow I think you've got the best idea. I love statues I've got Shiva, Ganesh, Kali, The Virgin Mary and what I am led to believe is a 'Chinese Immortal'.

I'm going to a Voodoo lecture on Sunday I see what tips I can pick up there.

Old Knudsen said...

They killed Christ for being a Protestant, I understand your fear, Voodoo, yes I did a post on that, it ties into to the whole Rev Ian Paisley undead thing.

Binty McShae said...

Agnosticism works for me... it's just so wishy-washy that no-one can actually pin you down on anything to chide you for. Conversations tend to go along these lines...

"What do you believe in?"

I'm not sure.

"What do you mean you're not sure?"

I'm not sure.

"Well you must believe in something!"

I'm not sure.

"Look, just tell me - why are you not sure?"

I'm not sure.

"Well, what are you not sure about?"

I'm not sure.

"Ah, forget it..."

By the way, ever hear of the insomniac agnostic dyslexic? He stayed up all night worndering whether there was a dog...

Dr Maroon said...

Why is my postcard not on the manifesto?

Fat Sparrow said...

"I'm going to a Voodoo lecture on Sunday I see what tips I can pick up there."

A Voudoun lecture? In Scotland? Well, that's me dazed and confused. Damn, it's practically California.

I've got an altar up in my living room, and I slip back and forth between Mary worship (I know, I know, straight to hell, do not pass "Go," do not collect $200) and various other Deities, dpending upon how eclectic I'm feeling at the moment. I do like Santa Muerte (yes, straight to hell, once again), and have always been partial to Hecate.

Do you read cards, I Ching, Runes, etc? Do you dabble, or have you studied? Am I being too nosy?

Clairwil said...

Fat Sparrow,
Voodoo is the best. I love it. I didn't really know much about it before today other than the usual B-movie cliches

I've dabbled with cards, runes and the I Ching, though I haven't studied. I've recently started meditating and find that lots of my beliefs have been transformed.

I like the idea of slipping between different deities Mary, Shiva and Ganesh are favourites of mine. Though I have a fondness for many of the more obscure Christian saints.

P.S I don't know how this compares to California but the Voodoo lecture was free and subsidised by council tax. That makes me so happy.

Fat Sparrow said...

I had a good laugh over that one. I don't think you'll get that here, even in Berkeley, as people tend to be quite money-grubbing. Ha, that reminds me of an old joke in the Pagan community....

Q: What's the difference between a New Age weekend seminar, and a Pagan weekend seminar?

A: About $1,500.

Although I must say that nowadays the Pagan community has been working quite hard to catch up. Fucking Lllewellyn.

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