Actually I'm not so sure that I am paranoid, it seems as likely as anything else that The Guardian is actively trying to wind me up. Far fetched? Well the alternative is that they mean it and that's just unbelievable.
Today's gem is and I am not making this up is 'Oscar Wilde -was he really a crashing bore?' Well in my opinion, which is the only one that counts in my world, the answer is a resounding NO! However I am thirty-one and take the bus to work, which I believe makes me a failure in the eyes of some mad, old bat or another. I forget who though I seem to recall she had a nice line in handbags.
Anyway strolling back towards the point Kathryn Hughes, who I'm sure is a fascinating human being reckons that compulsively witty people are a bore. Saints preserve us! I suppose it was unlikely I'd share many views with someone who authored a biography of Mrs Beeton. Charming as I'm sure Mrs Beeton was, think of all the wonderful souls that have sashayed across the planet, Elizabeth the first, Cleopatra, Cora Pearl, Lola Montez, Quentin Crisp, Julie Goodyear and that's not even the tip of the iceberg. I myself am thinking of writing 'Emperors Wives -a bonktastic look at the wives of the Roman elite'. Not once has it occurred to me to research the life of a well known 'domestic scientist'. As far as I'm concerned cooks should write functional recipe books without injecting their tedious lives into them or be Fanny Craddock. The middle ground is for people who should be ignored until they make their woolly minds up.
Mind you, the Oscar Wilde that I admire has no real place in The Guardian. I like naughty Oscar 'feasting with panthers' and turning the world on it's head. Kathryn suspects that he practiced his lines in the mirror before he went out and sneers at him for it. I on the other hand, hope that he did, in the pursuit of perfection. Maybe Ms Hughes' pitiful article heralds the beginning of Wilde being reclaimed from the shallow, stunted, joyless, PC wankers. Maybe we shall be able to read an article about Wilde that doesn't treat him like St Oscar the gay Christ. Could it be that we jokers, strollers and mischief makers are getting our man back? I do hope so.
Just for fun, can you all flash mob this shop? Go on please me.