10/05/2006

And Relax.....

Hello,
Well now that Hurricane Darbyshire has passed on, let me thank them for the extra traffic and move on, plagued by the feeling that I missed a meeting somewhere but resigned to it all the same.

Let us think of cheerful things instead. I have bought some promising stuff on my weekly late night shop. 'How To Be Free' by Tom Hodgkinson, I've not started it yet but if it's as good as 'How To Be Idle', then we're onto something. While I was at it I picked up the new Idler, edited by good old Tom. The sneaky buggers in Borders placed the two things beside each other. Shopkeepers really do see me coming. I also bought a copy of Rupert Everett's autobiography 'Red Carpets and other banana skins'. I'm only about a quarter of the way through but it's shaping up to be a treat. Laugh out loud on the bus funny. Our Roo is a hoot, even if I turn the page and the whole thing goes downhill, it will have been worth the money.

I saw Rupert Everett perform at the Citizens Theatre a good few years ago, playing the part of Lord Henry Wooton in The Picture Of Dorian Gray. He was spellbinding. At times his performance sailed perilously close to caricature but he always brought it back. I don't think I've ever been so tense watching anyone act live before or since, nor do I think I've ever seen anyone take such risks. Throughout his whole performance I thought he was going to lose it. At first I thought 'go on die on your arse' but then without seeming to try he won the audience round and I for one wanted him to storm it. It was more like watching a tightrope walk than a play, but opera apart I don't think I've ever enjoyed myself so much in a theatre before or since.

I went back to work after the holidays today, this is most unlike me but I really liked every client that came in. Still hate most of my colleagues, well not most there are some gems in there and it's them I want to think of. Could it be I'm getting my old client comes first even if they are daft professionalism back? I do hope so. It's about time.

Cheerio

36 comments:

matt lobster said...

I only ever got to message 81 and I don't want to take sides. But surely, on balance, Leah should fuck off.

Clairwil said...

Matt,
provoke them at your peril, though it is great for the hits. Sadly Leah has fucked off, in that she's taken her blog down for reasons that are beyond me.

ill man said...

Well played old bean. Maybe a website with member access only would be more their thing. Blogland is a bit exposed for the thin skinned ones.

Or maybe they're ramping up for something truly terrifying............;D

Matt, there were eight comments when I looked at it at work. there were seventy eight when I got home four hours later. I was expecting something in the region of about thirty comments max. How wrong I was, how wrong....! I'm actually in awe of anyone who was able to read even half the thread without questioning their own existance.

Leah & Robin Darbyshire said...

We are thin skinned but you're the one that gets really angry when ever anyone says a single thing back to you Clairwil, even if they're only questioning your feminism,!!!

If you can't take it, don't give it. You made the first comment on me, not the other way round.

We took our blog down cos we're sick of people reading it who don't know us and make false assumptions and then post about them all over their blog.

Fair enough huh.

Dr Maroon said...

Christ, is that them? The phoney Derbyshires?

"We took our blog down cos we're sick of people reading it who don't know us..."

I thought that was the point.
(Took a First at Trinity, Cambridge, England, 1989. 1/2 Blue [teriaki])

Dr Maroon said...

Oh nearly forgot. 50p hoors. There are such, are there?
Now I wonder, purely for the sake of accuracy, where they might ply their lusty trade, and where a respected gentleman scientist such as, well let's say me for the sake of argument, would encounter them on the offchance of research.
Paddy's Market?
Anderston Bus Station?
Do tell.

Fat Sparrow said...

Well, now that Batty and Robin have fucked off, I can say that that was just about the funniest thing ever. You Brits are so damn polite!


Batty: "I say, you dislike my shoes, and you also appear to have impugned my mother."

Clairwil: "Did I? I am sure your mater deeply deserved it, and, you must admit, your shoes are rather slatternly."

Batty: "Now, look here, you mustn't speak to me with that tone. I'm not a coloured, you know. I managed to go to college, you know, along with a half-million other people. Just you wait, I'll think of something to say to you! Oh, and here it is: 'If 'wit was shit...' Oh, look, teeheehee, I typed 'shit.' What a lark!"

Robin: "I say, Muffin, it appears that you have typed 'shit'! Bravo, and all; that will teach the tart!"

Batty: "Really, Moopsy, do you think so? I say, I had better make another 30,000 boring comments, just in case that commoner did not quite get my point the first 17 times."

Robin: "Yes, do go on, Lovey!"


Jesus fuck, up 'til now, I thought they made people like this up, just for "Jeeves and Wooster."

Thirteenth Monkey said...

Fat Sparrow, might we have some more of that spiffy dialogue? I found it rippingly amusing, I must say.

Billy said...

Fat Sparrow sounds like a rotter to me. Give him a good scragging, fellows.

Anonymous said...

Can you take your fucking depressing blog down too.
It's so tedious.

Bertrand said...

Gosh, I haven't heard talk like that since Honoria Glossop's mater found out about poor Bingo Little's minor indiscretion at the Drones with that peculiar Spanish cove...the one we all called 'Kurt'.

ill man said...

Fat Sparrow's a 'she' Billy. And certainly no rotter.

Clairwil said...

Billy,
I am surpised at you! Just because I've had a scrap, you want one to.

Clairwil said...

Bloody hell!
They're still at it down there.

ill man said...

Just watch and see how long it takes for the thread to die. Should be quite amusing.

Billy, go visit the Fat Sparrow, you'll like it there.

Clairwil said...

You can play quite a good game with the thread below.

Let me introduce Bobrucki bingo.

Can you guess how many comments were made by Lara and Susan Bobrucki in defence of the fair Leah? A 'mate spotted a comment indeed'! How long have they spent on my blog between them?

Now of course they haven't made it easy. They change name every so often. So you'll have to look for the clues.

Now for extra bonus points, can anyone guess what Leah's maiden name is?

Christmas dinner must be quite something round their house.

Fat Sparrow said...

Why do people assume that I am male? Is my picture not clearly female? Should I wear more makeup? Offer more oral sex? What am I missing?

Yes, Billy, do come visit. I do all sorts of quaint American things, like offering Brits nylons and chocolate in exchange for sex. That's how I got my husband, you know.

Clairwil knows I'm on her side. I made $5 on that match. Thanks, Clairwil!

Clairwil said...

Fat Sparrow,
Glad you won the fiver.

I don't want to get into a scrap with you but we in UK are at war in Iraq and Afghanistan and I have not been offered so much as a stick of gum by an American. As for the state of my stockings, no tongue could describe them. C'mon spill, are we meant to offer the sex or do you offer the stockings first? I don't want to seem too keen, mind. Might put the chaps off.

As an aside my great grannie once punched an American marine for involving her sister in law in the sex for stockings game. I believe it went to court.

Pam said...

I love you fat sparrow.

Fat Sparrow said...

Clairwil -- Blame the Pill; every other modern woman puts out for free nowadays, so our price has definitely gone down. Ah, for the days when sex was worth something!

I feel sorry for the poor troops in Iraq and Afghanistan. I mean, what can they offer to get sex? A veil? Electricity? Democracy? No, they're well fucked.

That is too funny about your great-grannie.

The Spouse Sparrow's (who is a Brit) parents are older, and lived through WWII, so he gives me crap for it all the time. If I'm late for anything, I get "You were late for both wars, too. Bloody Yanks."

Pam -- I've been getting a lot of that lately. Strange, it's not even mating season. Must be my perfume.

Anonymous said...

fuckin yanks were late for it an all werent they, always turnin up at the end to nick all the glory, like that hasselhoff on the berlin wall
cliets? do you offer ladys sevices cos if you do i thnik thats very sad, fat sparrow what the fuck are you talking about, i love you, even though your a fucking feathery littlen yank who thinks weve all got crooked teeth i don't get it but your old man sounds like a good lad - my mate mark is going to afghanistan int army and hes already told methat the one thing taht you can trade for sex over there is white shoes, theyre really fucking 'in' at the moment, all the mujhadeen are wearing em

Clairwil said...

'fuckin yanks were late for it an all werent they, always turnin up at the end to nick all the glory, like that hasselhoff on the berlin wall'

That is hilarious. I wish I'd said but do you know what I'm going to.

Fat Sparrow said...

"fuckin yanks were late for it an all werent they, always turnin up at the end to nick all the glory"

Yeah, yeah, say it in fucking German. Oh that's right, you don't have to, because we saved your sorry asses.

Twice.

"fat sparrow what the fuck are you talking about, i love you, even though your a fucking feathery littlen yank who thinks weve all got crooked teeth i don't get it but your old man sounds like a good lad"

Nah, my teeth are worse than his. It's not fair, I'm at the dentist all the time, and he hasn't been in 20+ years.

I'm sure he's eagerly looking forward to me getting dentures so the oral sex will be better.

All those modern American teeth turn him, anyway. All that gleaming white, that's the only thing you would see in the dark, glowing white teeth around your knob. He says it would be spooky.

Clairwil said...

Oh all right fat sparrow
but can I still do the joke about Hasselhoff jiggling about on the wall.

Billy said...

I wasn't spoiling for a fight. I honestly assumed Fat Sparrow was a boy. Sorry Fat Sparrow. *blushes*

Clairwil said...

Billy,
Don't worry you poor sausage. The Sparrow will forgive you. Go read her blog, it's top.

Fat Sparrow said...

"Oh all right fat sparrow
but can I still do the joke about Hasselhoff jiggling about on the wall.
"

As long as you don't talk about him while I'm eating.

"I wasn't spoiling for a fight. I honestly assumed Fat Sparrow was a boy. Sorry Fat Sparrow. *blushes*"

S'alright. Come and visit me.

"Go read her blog, it's top."

Awww, you made me go all blushy!

Clairwil said...

Fat Sparrow
I promise I shall never mention Hoff at mealtimes. I cannot imagine you blushing Fat sparrow, are we seeing a new side to you.

Fat Sparrow said...

"I cannot imagine you blushing Fat sparrow, are we seeing a new side to you."

Well, I guess I have to admit it now; it was my butt cheeks that were blushing.

Clairwil said...

Blushing butt cheeks? You should be on the stage.

Fat Sparrow said...

As the husband tells me, "Yer arse is hanging out the window, and they're throwin' beer bottles at it!"

Clairwil said...

Well Fat Sparrow,

If I ever see yer arse hanging out a window I shall throw a lupin at it or a couple of naked sailors, whatever's nearest.

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lara said...

Dirty fucking slag, you fuck for a pound. Liar, whore,scum. How much do you get in benefits.

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