Whose Idea Was That?

There are those who while away the hours thinking about the meaning of life or working towards important scientific discoveries. I am not one of them. As Mr Clairwil is fond of saying 'if civilisation had been left to people like us, we'd still be living in caves'. I agree up to a point though I have my doubts about whether we'd have made it as far as caves. In fact if civilisation had been left to me and my other half it would consist of a series of half finished grandiose structures lying about getting in the way. Though on the plus side we'd all spend about 23 hours a day sleeping.

Anyway I am pleased to announce that I have been doing some thinking and asking questions. Having a good old ponder if you will. Here are the results. Who in the name of all that is sacred and holy came up with eating animals? I'm not having a go at people who eat meat or anything. What I'm struggling to imagine is the thought process of the first person to look at a cow and think 'I'm going to eat that'. I like cows, I consider them my friends but let's be frank they smell and they don't smell very appetising. Eating furry animals is even odder. Surely the first person to eat a rabbit must have being doing it for a bet.

Eggs are another puzzle. Who started that peculiar practice? What made someone look at mother hen sat on her eggs and think 'I'm going to eat those'? Honey was definitely a bet, it must have been. I wonder if anyone tried to eat a wasps nest at any point? Actually I think I'd quite like to see that from a safe distance. I remember a small crowd of us watching one of my neighbours attacking a wasps nest with a brush. It was hilarious! The wasps were fizzing mad and started chasing us all. My protestations that I hadn't been anywhere near their bloody nest were wasted on the angry swarm but no harm was done, I out ran the buggers and remained indoors for several hours waiting for the coast to clear. Clairwil 1 Wasps nil.

To return to eggs for a moment if I may, how long do you reckon people attempted to eat boiled eggs for before someone invented the egg cup? I don't know if you've ever attempted this feat, believe me it is not easy. I once gave all my egg cups to the poor in a fit of extravagance, then promptly forgot about it. It was only after I'd boiled an egg this evening that I remembered what I'd done. To say I have suffered agonies is no exaggeration. After chasing the egg across a saucer I tried to balance it on a tea glass which was a disaster. I then tried to improvise with a strong grip and a tea towel -another failure. In the end I hurled it in the bin and had butterbeans instead. The butterbeans behaved beautifully and did not even make a token attempt to escape. That is how it should be, I will not eat anything that requires chasing, I'm not up to it.



Billy said...

We don't have any eggcups either (they weren't given away they never were any) but we have found a shot glass makes an excellent substitute.

Additionally, we don't have any wine glasses and peoples faces when they are presented with wine in a teacup is priceless.

womble said...

But how do you know butterbeans don't have feelings?


Clairwil said...

I'm going to get myself some egg cups the minute I'm paid. I can't go on like this! I must confess I'm quite partial to wine in a teacup though.

I have no idea whether or not Butterbeans have feelings or not and I have to say I don't much care. They're a tasty treat and thats that.

alan said...

Here's what to do with a boiled egg minus eggcup. Get a nice fresh floury bap and cut it open and butter it. Run the newly boiled egg under the cold tap for a couple of seconds to cool it slightly, then crack and peel it really fast before you burn your fingers. Pop it into the bap (chop it up a bit or the yolk will squirt into your cleavage when you bite on it, but do it fast or it will get cold) then sprinkle with salt and freshly ground black pepper - preferably the peppercorns that come from the Himalayas and are grown in yak manure - and devour it with an enormous mug of hot tea. Next week: 'How to warm your butterbeans without the aid of a cooker'.

Universal Soldier said...

Ate a boiled egg sat in the back of Warrior once - it was that hot I had to toss it from hand to hand - delicious though.

Melanie said...

Instead of thinking about how we came to eat the things we eat, I think it's more humorous to focus on the stuff we don't eat knowing that someone tried it out and decided not to eat it. Can you imagine how sorry the guy who tried to eat a porcupine was or perhaps the person who thought that some varieties of rocks might look yummy?

As for meat, it was definitely a guy who came up with that idea, because he had just invented the barbecue and had to put something on it.

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