Technology News


Just now and then I like to take time out from worrying that western civilisation is going to hell in a handcart and ponder what lucky, old sausages we are instead.

Isn't technology marvellous. I'm not talking about all that boring man in the moon, dog in a rocket stuff. I mean exciting technology. I would like to take this opportunity to draw your attention to some astonishing advances in the world of sex dolls.

Look! Look! They're so real! There's even one that's the double of Tracey in my work. The price is a bit steep, mind £3715 each. For that money I'd want a bordello full of the rubber temptresses.

Nevertheless we are still lucky old sausages because as we know technology always starts off being expensive, then Tesco round up some child labour and before you know it, the clever little children are knocking stuff out at a fraction of the cost. Hurrah!

UPDATE- For the love of God read the testimonials. They are badly written enough to suggest they're genuine. They are also as tragic as you'd imagine.


ill man said...

I say!!!

Which one is your workmate?

Ok, who's all chipping in to buy the ill man one for his christmas?

the anti-barney said...

Thats all very well 'till some bastard invents a talking one and ruins everything.

Anonymous said...

Hmmmm, still seems to be some way to go before a Stepford Wife is on the market.

Anonymous said...

you can get she-males you know!

Aine said...

Christ, I thought all but the second one were real!

*shuffles off looking at the floor*

Binty McShae said...

Chick with dick dolls.... my god, if anyone looked over my shoulder at work when I opened up this site!

But how fucking sad would you need to be for one of these things?

alan said...

I'd never come across one of these before, so to dip my toe in the water, so to speak, I bought a Tesco Value one. Believe me it's not all it's cracked up to be.

Clairwil said...

My God Tesco are knocking them out already! I'm going to get one and take it out to the pub so that no-one can sit next to me.

ill man said...

They weigh a ton.


alan said...

I took mine to pub and tried to get her drunk, but the gassy beer didn't agree with her and I ended up carrying her home. She wasn't all that heavy actually, although I was exhausted afterwards.

Clairwil said...

Alan, I fear you have a defective model. I gave mine a sip of beer and it ran straight through her. Turns out she's hollow. Will rip off Britain never end?

Paul B said...

Old Billy Connelly routine:

"Irate customer walks angrily to the sex shop, deflated blow-up doll over his arm.

Customer: 'See that? That's a load of bloody rubbish, that!'

Shopkeeper: 'What seems to be the trouble, sir?'

Customer: 'It's just crap! £39.95? First time I use it, it goes down on me!'

Shopkeeper: 'If I'd known that, sir, I'd have charged you an extra fiver...'"

alan said...


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