12/03/2005

Where Is All The Good Porn?







Hello,

I got up this morning feeling unexpectedly frisky and decided to celebrate by having a swish round the internet for some pornography. What a bucket of cold water that turned out to be!
Where is all the good porn? I started off with such optimism too. 'Right let's see' I thought, I want something jaw dropping involving at least sixty people and got this.

Perhaps I'm being too general I thought so I typed in orgy and came across something containing the word squaddie. Well there are naked squaddies running about the news all the time these days, frankly it makes me feel quite jaded.

So I swished about a bit more, but couldn't find anything I liked. Amateur porn always sounds so promising but you just end up staring at some bird that looks like your mum's best friend covered in semen.

By this time I'd lost all interest in sex and discovered the rich source of comedy that is the adult personals. I will share some of my favourites with you.


Wank Fun
Advert #397214

Message
Anyone fancy a wank sometime this week?i am also into phonesex.


It's brilliant isn't it! Imagine planning a wank, Oh to be so organised.

Any wanking groups about?
Advert #346452

Message
str8 fit guy 41 cannot accom can travel seeks other guys for some fun times, hoping to find or start a wanking group watch some hot porn and have a good wank lets get together and see what happens, 100% gen.


Is this kind of thing normal amongst men? What in the name of God is the attraction in getting together in vast groups to masturbate? Have any of you ever been a member of such a group? Is there a membership fee? I'm also slightly suspicious of his claim that he's straight for reasons that should be obvious.

Cheerio

17 comments:

ill man said...

Organised group wanks????

Sorry guys, can't come to the pub tonight, i've got my group wank at half seven..............

I suppose it's a step up from "Fancy Some Bum Fun? Meet here at..." on a toilet cubicle.

As for the porn, I think a simple "Gang Bang" entry in google would have got you something.

margin walker said...

Its a new phenomenon on-line I have read about: Heterosexual men practising in either phone/or IM sex which leads to the meet where they openly strangle their penises whilst watching porn.

Clairwil said...

Ill man, gang bangs bore me senseless. 30 men all banging way at one bird. Oh sure there's the initial thrill 'Good God, she's not going to do all them is she' then she does and it's a big bore. That said if we're talking double penetration that's a whole different kettle of fish.

I want real orgies with every possible combination of action going on. So much so that you don't know where to look. Porn is to rigidly segregated y'know gay porn, hetero porn and so on. Get everyone banging away in one big festival of desegregated smut, I say.

Margin, the internet has a lot to answer for.

Thanks to both of you for your help. Now can either of you explain why the man at the top of my post has kept his top on?

margin walker said...

I think the man left his top on because I guess the porn shoot was catered for men.. Hence naked woman, full bush, and the stud only shows his porn weapon of choice.

ill man said...

Maybe it's his lucky jumper..........

alan said...

maybe this person can help?

Clairwil said...

The vagina lady! She's quite mad isn't she? She was of no use to me erotically, however she did give me a much needed chuckle on a Sunday evening.

I don't want to go to work tomorrow.

alan said...

I'm not sure what her function is, other than making the rest of us feel relatively normal. Having said that, I'm now busily knitting myself a giant balaclava in the shape of a scrotum.

Clairwil said...

Can you really knit Alan? I trying to relearn, I used to knit when I was a child but I've forgotten everything. I won't be attempting anything as ambitious a scrotum though, I was thinking more of a nice scarf.

PROFESSOR SMILE said...

Well, actually, I found much better porn on the Internet than you, but then I am a pornophile with 41 years experience now, educated by everyone from Bertrand Russell to Russell Crowe. I find that both genders' tastes in 'Porno' vary immensely after 40 and after 50 they just go mofo ker-pow, whatever you can get your hands on is super exxxciting forbidden horny-ho, never seen ma dick that big etc.
Anyway, the best porn I've seen in the last 4 years all came from the funny wee old man in the Barras, behind his fake "Duty-Free Golden Virgina" business. And if you're really stuck, or super-old like me, you can save at least £30 on "Legal Viagra" by getting a bottle of Liquid Gold room-odouriser poppers from the man roon the corner on the Gallowgate who sells Party Paraphernalia and sex gear! Don't say I told you.(or he'll charge you the full price!)

PROFESSOR SMILE said...

Re: Barras, wee old funny man, harcore that'll get you throbbing, wasted on folk under 30, that's:
VHS £5, 3 for £10.
DVD (shoreter, obviously) £5, 3 for £10
Then, of course, pay no more for ever, just get in touch with me for file-sharing (over-40 only!) Tee-hee-hee, am I only joking?
fat girls enjoy it more!

PROFESSOR SMILE said...

Fat Fanny (Girls/Women) Ferk Franticall
y - Fully Freely Furiously Fantastic Fun, Folks,
cor wotta lotta F-words, Mum, and I still didn't get kicked! :)
I love commas. More commas, please, everyone. Commas make me so hard,,,,,,,

GlasgowGigolo54 said...

Most fantasies are better in the head. A bunch of guys metting up furtively near a railway station for a wank session are probably all going to regret the experience forever, I'd say.

alan said...

ok, i confess. i can't knit. i can't sew. i can't crochet. i can barely tell the difference between wool and lycra. the only fabric i can recognise by touch is nylon. there is no balaclava. it was all a fantasy.

Anonymous said...

if you want decent amateur pictures and movies try http://www.pornshopcafe.com

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