I have nothing to say so shall direct you elsewhere.
My house is still damp and freezing courtesy of Spiers Parnie. That is it. That is my life. Nothing funny to report at all, so I shall direct you elsewhere for fun.
1. If you happen to be in the Tesco Metro in Argyle St in Glasgow and chance upon a security guard with a Fife accent, call him a wank, then pretend to be grossly offended when he tackles you about it. If enough people do it he'll either resign, be sacked or have a nervous breakdown. The chief benefit of this is that I shall be able to do my shopping without being followed.
2. Read this by the peerless Charlie Brooker. I enjoyed reading it very much but must confess I'm baffled by it. I know this blog attracts a superior sort of reader. Could anyone advise me if Charlie's article is just genius gibberish or if I'm missing some deeper meaning.
3. There is an excellent post on A Mischief of Magpies about a very remarkable radish. If I were you I'd read it, in fact I'm off to read it again.