First God Loses It, Then His Fans......
There I was, out on my regular internet stroll today, when I stumbled upon Rapture Ready, a blog dedicated to;
.....converting hethen-liberals into God-fearing conservatives who follow the words and wisdom of George W. Bush, reject the ACLU and pro-homosexual agenda. I want to prepare you liberals for conversion and for the coming Rapture. R U Rapture Ready? You better be or you will be left behind.
Naturally I was intrigued and read on expectantly, I didn't want to be left behind at the coming Rapture. However I have some misgivings, as I mentioned the other week, God's lost it, now it would appear his followers have gone gaga. I can see why somebody might disagree with Cindy Sheehan but I must say normally for rather different reasons to Alberto at Rapture Ready, who has the following to say;
The so-called grieveing mother Cindy Sheehan is nothing more than a whore who sold her soul to the left wing homosexual loving God-hating ACLU.
Ah, so she's a pretend grieving mother fronting a sinister homosexual conspiracy. Not convinced? Then lets have a look at the evidence;
Our dear Presidnet is humble and caring man. When he says he grieves for the fallen, you must believe him because he is a mesenger of God.
I'm not convinced by the assertion that George Bush is a messenger of God, although I'm quite prepared to believe that George thinks he is. Our friend at Rapture Ready is an altogether more hands on sort than George though, and spent a weekend back in May sharing a room with a homosexual called Sandy as part of his divine mission. Obviously Alberto had a few misgivings but it all turned out fine in the end;
'Over the two nights we spend in our room after activities, I learned many things from Sandy.'
Can I just state at this point that I'm not making any of this up. I couldn't. Anyway following his weekend with Sandy, Alberto can't leave the homosexuals alone. Honestly, the man's insatiable!
'During these three weeks I counseled many homoxsexuals on the evils of their ways and converted many of them to Christianity and to become God-fearing straight people. What a miracle it was to see the light in their eyes when they received the Lord! Yes, miracles do happen when He is with you!'
I know I'm a bit naive about these things but what exactly happens when one 'receives the Lord'? Is it a euphemism for something? Gay banter? Would my mother slap me if she walked in on me receiving the lord?
Homosexuality seems to be something of a leitmotif throughout Rapture Ready to the extent that I think Alberto could more accurately described as a 'gay worrier' than a 'God botherer'. For me his peculiar obsession reaches it's peak in his thought provoking post on stem cell research;
'Can you imagine what will happen if an earthquake hits the stem cell research center that is going to be located in San Francisco with their overwhelming homosexaul population? Maybe this is where the Beast spoken off in Revelations will spring from.'
Perhaps I just lack imagination, but when I tried to summon up a vision of an earthquake hitting a stem cell research centre in San Francisco, I saw ambulances, a big crack in the ground, dead and injured people, a few police and a tree on it's side. I did not at any stage imagine a biblical beast rising from the rubble. Could this be why I've never been any good at creative writing?
UPDATE!- For fucks sake, there's more of them! They're in a fucking frenzy. Have a read at this.