New Plans For Trafalgar Square!

Hello,
Have any of you ever visited Trafalgar Square? I have and it's pleasant enough as squares go but I can't help but think it could do with livening up. Happily I think I've found just the plan.

Those wacky fundaloons at Islam4UK have taken a break from shouting at servicemen and annoying folk to cast their disapproving eyes over Trafalgar Square. Thankfully they've come up with something more constructive than shouting at it and have rather thoughtfully put together a plan to make it more Islamic. When I say Islamic, try and think of a more peyote influenced version than what you may be used to. Anyway without further ado here are the changes.

Firstly that 'notorious fornicator' Nelson has to go. Unfortunately for poor old Nelson 'under the Shari'ah, the construction and elevation of statues or idols is prohibited, and consequently, the statue of Admiral Horatio Nelson would be removed and demolished without hesitation'. Now don't all start moaning about 'bloody Muslims' conspiring to make us all gawp at a big boring column with nothing on top as if this is some mad half baked scheme. Obviously Nelson will be replaced. With an Islamic clock. I must confess I'm not exactly sure what an Islamic clock is but I feel certain one designed by the lads at Islam4UK will have us all turning our watches back 500 years or so.

Perhaps most exciting of all are their plans for the lions. At first I was outraged, I like the lions and wanted to keep them but like Nelson they're statues so need to be demolished without hesitation. The lions won't go to waste, instead they'll be melted down 'and its bronze composition utilized, possibly in artillery as a defensive measure against any impending attack from outside forces, such as France'. No way would the French mess with us if we had bronze cannons! Take that France!

The lions will then be replaced by 'pots of gold coins....., so as to provide all members of the public with the opportunity to freely take money and fulfil any need that they might have'.
Now does that not sound a much better way of distributing welfare than having people queueing up in the post office? It's a wonderful idea. I mean it would be much easier for everyone if instead of boring benefit forms the government just left a big pile of gold coins in Trafalgar Square and the needy could just help themselves to their fair share. Obviously the pot will need topping up from time to time, once everyone has taken their fair share but Islam4UK ,unlike some some duck house, flipping crooks I could mention, are quite clear that they won't be wasting public money on useless ornaments so the pots will never be empty. Not of course that anyone will need to take so much as a single coin from the pots because 'the divine justice meted out by the Shari'ah'
will ensure all our needs are met! Hurrah!

If I may offer the fellows at Islam4UK a bit of well meant friendly criticism I just don't think they're being ambitious enough. What's the use in having a lovely Islam compliant square if we're all going up the road to unIslamic houses? To that end I propose that the lads get their own Islamic home makeover TV show. It'd be a smash! Just imagine Anjem Choudray wafting about in leather breeks like Lawerence Llewelyn-Bowen, stenciling the entire Qur'an over MDF panelling, pausing only to call 'Handy Andy' a grunting infidel oik before beating him with a book of fabric samples. TV gold.

Please click on the link at the top of the post to see the plans. They're priceless and yes there are pictures.

Cheerio

I Bloody Knew It!

Hello,
You will recall that for the last week or so I was convinced that there was a conspiracy at large in the land to turn me into fascist. Well just as I was starting to recover my equilibrium I popped over to David Duff's gaff and read this.

Naturally I was gobsmacked then I thought to myself -it's a prank! To reassure myself I took to the internet and discovered that it is indeed true or has been reported in The Scotsman and The Daily Mail.

Now I have caught The Daily Mail out being economical with the truth before but the facts of the case are pretty much the same in The Scotsman, The Times and on the BBC News website. It is of course possible that they've all got the wrong end of the stick but it's pretty unlikely. As unlikely as I'd have found this decision until I read about it.

If you've not clicked any of the links above you won't have the faintest what I'm on about. I am referring to the prisoner and ex-prisoner who have been granted the right to have a child by artificial insemination. Apparently mummy will be too old by the time daddy finishes his sentence in 2009. Mummy already has three children so what she is being deprived of is unclear other than the dubious right of having a fourth with a man serving a life sentence for murder.

As far as I understand the job of judges it is to interpret the law and give a verdict. That being the case should we not be looking at the law that's allowed this to happen? How exactly do the parents intend to support this child? What if the pressure of an extra mouth to feed tempts them off the straight and narrow? What did the poor child do to deserve them as parents? Is it wise to assist a man with a history of serious violence have children in the first place? If mummy was so desperate for a fourth child then why did she take up with a man who will not be released until after her childbearing years have ended?

This whining and refusal to accept the consequences of their actions by the prospective parents has been ongoing since 2003 since the Home Office in a rare episode of common sense refused them permission to conceive by artificial means. Being outraged that anyone was attempting to impose the old actions = consequences rules upon them, they obtained sufficient legal aid to allow them to take this all the way to the European Court of Human Rights. The court in it's wisdom ruled that the couple's human rights to respect for private and family life and the right to marry and found a family had been violated.

In truth their 'rights' had not been violated merely postponed. No-one forced either of them to break the law, no-one is preventing them from living as a family on Daddy's release, no-one is preventing Daddy from having a child with a younger woman on his release if he wishes to have a child of his own.

The BBC website informs us that The Home Office only grants the 'right' to artificial insemination to prisoners in exceptional circumstances. Out of the usual fifty or so requests received in a year around seven are granted. On what grounds? I have tried and tried and I cannot think of a single circumstance in which I believe it should be allowed. I do realise that prison is the most frightful inconvenience and a terrible interruption of one's life but isn't that partly the point?

Finally I propose that the national anthem is replaced with 'You Can't Always Get What You Want' by The Rolling Stones in the vain hope that it's wise, if simplistic message is absorbed. I don't know who told these muppets they had rights but I intend to find out and pelt them with scrap metal until they repent.

Cheerio