Scotland The Pathetic

As Irvine Welsh once rightly pointed out, it's shite being Scottish. How in God's name did I end up in the world's most thin skinned nation? Well I exaggerate slightly Turkey is worse with it's absurd law against insulting Turkishness. Quite frankly having spent a week in the place it'd be more in their line to pass a law preventing the harassment of women and enforcing it.

I am of course referring to Margaret Curran getting all huffy because some TV presenter or another made a few snide remarks about the Scots on Question Time. This isn't the first time something like this has happened I dimly recall a minor controversy because David Beckham said he wouldn't support the Scottish football team if they were playing a team other than England and why should he? Then there was that ironing board on GMTV who kept whining on about the Scots, presumably projecting her dissatisfaction with her Scottish husband onto an entire nation.

If I were to write a book in which the nations of the world were represented as people Scotland would be a whiny neurotic woman worrying about the size of her arse. For God's sake grow a skin who gives a fuck? I must admit I'm not immune to this myself, many years ago I worked in a call centre dealing with mainly English customers and was driven mental by English callers submitting complaints because a Scot had the temerity to answer the phone, was stealing their jobs, existed and so on.

Eventually I worked out how to rig my phone up to prevent my calls being recorded and came to enjoy these calls for the opportunity it gave me to wind the fuckers up. My favourite involving telling someone we'd emptied their account to fund a free bar at a caber tossing event. For someone who couldn't understand my 'stupid accent' they seemed to understand the loss of their life savings well enough. I should stress that their savings were perfectly safe and earning interest at the rate of 6.5%, like I say it was a very long time ago. My other favourite was to offer to put objectors to the accent through to a Pakistani colleague at which point they'd go insane say something appallingly rude and racist allowing me to smugly explain that I was cutting them off due to their 'unacceptable language'.

Based on my highly scientific research of having worked in a call centre I can reveal that 90% of the English population couldn't care less about Scotland, 3% are genuinely surprised that we actually exist, 4% love the accent/scenery or had a whale of a time up here during WW2 and the remainder would like to see every last Scottish man, woman and child exterminated.

As something of an anglophile it should pain me and much as it used to it's just gob dripping down the window to me these days. For the love of God you don't die because people don't like you. Thirteen years of being tormented at school for being ugly taught me that. Rejection shouldn't affect you other than to make you stronger and revel in the very thing that makes folk reject you. Sign of a healthy brain.

People like Margaret Curran whining just make me despair. It's in her interests for Scotland to be a whiny, needy little backwater consumed with bitterness towards any enemy other the real one -the Labour Party. People like her thrive in an ocean of stupidity. If she really felt that strongly about people running down Scotland or Robert Burns she'd have a go at Terry Kelly who is at least open in his hatred and derision for Scotland, it's people and culture. But she doesn't. Why? Because she's quite happy to exploit they halfwit tendency amongst us who'll regard her remarks as sticking it to the English, though not sticking it so far that they stop allowing us to ponce off them. Funny that.

If she were any sort of patriot she might regard it as an embarrassment that after about a million years of Labour rule in Scotland all we have is a nation that over reacts to any slight but leeches of the neighbours all the same and is too thick and skint to govern itself. If she really cared about Scotland she'd be too busy addressing our real problems to notice the odd flea bite. Still any distraction rather than derail the gravy train eh? To think I felt a bit bad when she overheard me refer to her as having 'no breeding'. Pah I was too soft of should have just called her a whining, parasitic cunt and had done with it.



transfattyacid said...

The reaction does rather prove Starkey's point, that England doesn't need this St George's day nonsense as it only leads to preciousness and being thin skinned.

Which reminds me a while ago I was at the cinema was one of those piss poor adverts for the Scots tourist board - the catchline went something like 'visit Scotland, you know it makes sense' - and some wag - a woman - shouted out, 'no thanks' and the whole cinema broke out in laughter.

As for your market research I have to say that unfortunately this English person doesn't fall ino any of your catagories - certainly not the last - personally if you were to take your politicians home - and certain 'celebs', stop imposing Labour governments on us, shut up with the whole anti-English thing, and ceased the brittle nationalism then perhaps things would be nicer.... lol

Still there will always be Gazza chipping Hendry to volley home on the breakaway from a corner.

Anonymous said...

I've never much card for it either, by which I mean the rather pathetic whiny thin skinned nationalist tendency, and I have always rather liked David Starkey from way back when I used to listen to him on the Moral Maze.

However Starkey is pretty much correct in his analysis, to obsessively celebrate your nationality is a sign of insecurity as well as provincialism. However, the English lower classes are quite nationalistic in that way, any train journey into London will confirm this, the tower blocks are strewn with the Cross' of St George, something you don't actually see on a Scotch tower block. It is the rest of the English who don't care for it (i.e those who actually run the place).

Clairwil said...

But how can I take my Labour politicians back or stop inflicting them on England. I have never once even considered voting Labour and have at times been appallingly rude to those that do.

I'm also at a loss as to how Scotland inflicted a Labour government on England. Labour have had a majority in Scotland for as long as I can remember yet we had a Tory government from 1979 to 1997.What changed in 1997 was that England started voting Labour- hardly my fault.

Not sure what celebs your referring to but I would point out that they are individuals, free to live in whatever country will have them. To the best of my knowledge they're not controlled from tartan HQ. All I can suggest is that you get on to the Home Office or whatever it's calling themselves these days and see if they can help.

The anti-English thing is a drag only equalled for sheer mind numbing stupidity by the English anti-French and anti-German things. I expect it's in the nature of neighbours to loathe each other.

As for the football reference I'm led to understand the Gazza goal was a good one as these thing go but not being a fan of football or having watched the match in question I'm afraid I cannot offer any informed comment.

I'm pretty much indifferent to Starkey who ironically has always struck me as a rather brittle chap. Though I've never listened to the Moral Maze so perhaps I've misjudged him.

The whole St Georges thing baffles me. Let's face it all these things are just an excuse for a piss up. I've never understood why liberal England get so alarmed by it. The point you make about class is interesting could it be that the lower classes feel they have nothing other than their nationality whereas the middle classes have education, careers and so on to help define them as individual human beings.

Political Dissuasion said...

I cannot agree more with this post.

Not just because it sh*ts all over Curran, but because this is exactly what's wrong with Scotland and Labour. I'm not a Nat, but the reason I began to take notice of them and applaud the majority of what they do is because they talk up Scotland, but do it without saying sh*te like 'the best small country in the world". Labour's heart beats in the despair of the downtrodden, and if nobody is downtrodden, they like to make everyone feel that way..

Do the English care? Not a jot! And I don't blame them because most of the stuff about Scotland that makes the news sout of the border is either silly ramblings like this one and the Starkeygate nonsense, or when a hacked of sassenach decides to stoke fires by questioning Scotland's funding.

"It's shite being Scottish, we're the scum of the fucking earth, the lowest of the low."
Labour Slogan/Irvine Welsh

davidokeefe said...

Does anyone take Starkey seriously? He is the worst sort of intellectual, the type that uses his intellect to humiliate instead of educate and entertain.

Curran is pandering to a thin-skinned minority, but those who shout loudest are more likely to get heard. Same thing with Liverpool, its a thin-skinned minority, but when the Boris johnson controversy came up, no-one gave a fuck, it was a media invention. Its the same with Starkey, no-one cares, expect a few journos who need easy copy.

Anonymous said...

Political Discussion:
"this is exactly what's wrong with Scotland and Labour. I'm not a Nat, but the reason I began to take notice of them and applaud the majority of what they do is because they talk up Scotland"
They do?!

I read the SNP's Mike Russell's reply to Starkey in the papers today:

"“Dr Starkey should apologise to the people of Scotland for these regrettable and daft comments,” he said. “He is a very well qualified historian known for controversial remarks, but clearly has much to learn about contemporary Scotland.

“There are more than 300 wonderful events taking place in Scotland during our Year of Homecoming, so it would be apposite for Dr Starkey to visit Scotland this year and discover for himself what a rewarding experience a trip north of the border would be. I would even be a willing guide.”
Sorry, but isn't that exactly the sort of idiotic thin skinned nonsense that Clairwil deplored in her post?

Surely the correct response would be "like I give shit" rather than come to Scotland and I'll be your "willing guide" because I am so fucking desperate to have your approval.

Clairwil said...

That's one thing I do like about the SNP in that they talk the country up, in contrast to Labour, which makes it frustrating that Mike Russell has dignified Starkey's comments with a response (see anon's post above).

How wonderful would it have been if Mike Russell when asked for a comment had simply remarked that Starkey was entitled to his opinion and whilst it wasn't one he shared he really couldn't see what the fuss was about.

I'm not really sure who Starkey's fanbase are. I've watched a few of his programmes which are well done but I can't say he occupies my thoughts much.

Curiously enough the only person who has remarked on this 'scandal' is my mother who is outraged because she's fed up with the media going daft because someone expressed an opinion.