As Irvine Welsh once rightly pointed out, it's shite being Scottish. How in God's name did I end up in the world's most thin skinned nation? Well I exaggerate slightly Turkey is worse with it's absurd law against insulting Turkishness. Quite frankly having spent a week in the place it'd be more in their line to pass a law preventing the harassment of women and enforcing it.
I am of course referring to Margaret Curran getting all huffy because some TV presenter or another made a few snide remarks about the Scots on Question Time. This isn't the first time something like this has happened I dimly recall a minor controversy because David Beckham said he wouldn't support the Scottish football team if they were playing a team other than England and why should he? Then there was that ironing board on GMTV who kept whining on about the Scots, presumably projecting her dissatisfaction with her Scottish husband onto an entire nation.
If I were to write a book in which the nations of the world were represented as people Scotland would be a whiny neurotic woman worrying about the size of her arse. For God's sake grow a skin who gives a fuck? I must admit I'm not immune to this myself, many years ago I worked in a call centre dealing with mainly English customers and was driven mental by English callers submitting complaints because a Scot had the temerity to answer the phone, was stealing their jobs, existed and so on.
Eventually I worked out how to rig my phone up to prevent my calls being recorded and came to enjoy these calls for the opportunity it gave me to wind the fuckers up. My favourite involving telling someone we'd emptied their account to fund a free bar at a caber tossing event. For someone who couldn't understand my 'stupid accent' they seemed to understand the loss of their life savings well enough. I should stress that their savings were perfectly safe and earning interest at the rate of 6.5%, like I say it was a very long time ago. My other favourite was to offer to put objectors to the accent through to a Pakistani colleague at which point they'd go insane say something appallingly rude and racist allowing me to smugly explain that I was cutting them off due to their 'unacceptable language'.
Based on my highly scientific research of having worked in a call centre I can reveal that 90% of the English population couldn't care less about Scotland, 3% are genuinely surprised that we actually exist, 4% love the accent/scenery or had a whale of a time up here during WW2 and the remainder would like to see every last Scottish man, woman and child exterminated.
As something of an anglophile it should pain me and much as it used to it's just gob dripping down the window to me these days. For the love of God you don't die because people don't like you. Thirteen years of being tormented at school for being ugly taught me that. Rejection shouldn't affect you other than to make you stronger and revel in the very thing that makes folk reject you. Sign of a healthy brain.
People like Margaret Curran whining just make me despair. It's in her interests for Scotland to be a whiny, needy little backwater consumed with bitterness towards any enemy other the real one -the Labour Party. People like her thrive in an ocean of stupidity. If she really felt that strongly about people running down Scotland or Robert Burns she'd have a go at Terry Kelly who is at least open in his hatred and derision for Scotland, it's people and culture. But she doesn't. Why? Because she's quite happy to exploit they halfwit tendency amongst us who'll regard her remarks as sticking it to the English, though not sticking it so far that they stop allowing us to ponce off them. Funny that.
If she were any sort of patriot she might regard it as an embarrassment that after about a million years of Labour rule in Scotland all we have is a nation that over reacts to any slight but leeches of the neighbours all the same and is too thick and skint to govern itself. If she really cared about Scotland she'd be too busy addressing our real problems to notice the odd flea bite. Still any distraction rather than derail the gravy train eh? To think I felt a bit bad when she overheard me refer to her as having 'no breeding'. Pah I was too soft of should have just called her a whining, parasitic cunt and had done with it.