Meet The New Messiah!

Hello,
It had to happen. The minute I heard from an anguished Mr Clairwil that Tony Blair had taken up Catholicism I knew he wouldn't be able to resist reforming it. Not content with reforming the Labour Party by putting together a programme based in all the horrid bits of the right and the creepy bits of the left, now he's taken up Rome meddling.

I'm quite certain that old Tony chops imagines future historians writing unfavourably of pre-Blair Catholicism and marvelling at the wonderful world of post-Blair Catholicism. Perhaps we'll all have to get used to writing BB and AB in history papers. I wouldn't raise so much as an eyebrow. I firmly believe that God shot himself following the broadcast of the first episode of Gladiators on UK television so barring a miracle he isn't going to save the world from St Tony -The Reformer. Nature help us!

It's his entire way of thinking that alarms me. For example he thinks the church should change it's view on homosexuality not because it's wrong, not because they ignore all sorts of inconvenient stuff from the good book so might as well add homosexuality to the list but because things have to keep 'evolving'. Good old Tony he's all about change isn't he? He doesn't of course go on to say why things should keep evolving as long as they are that's good enough for Tony. I'll bet it was a struggle to stop himself saying 'a bit like me really' when he referred to Jesus and Mohammed as aiming to 'change the way people thought traditionally'.

Not that he wants to offend the Pope by being really controversial because the Pope stands for 'some fantastic things'. He's not going to tell us what he believes these fantastic things are because that would y'know mean expressing a firm opinion in a situation where he wants everyone to like him. If you look back at Tony's career the only time he ever stuck to his guns was when he was pissing off the left of his party because that allowed him to delude himself that he was effective and experience the thrill of martyrdom without really being at any any serious risk. It's very telling that he attributes the Pope's opinions on homosexuality not to his sincerely held beliefs or principles but to a concern that he might have to give ground on other issues. In other words it's a purely practical management issue not a principle.

Make no mistake the only reason Blair ever championed gay rights was because opposing them would have made him look old fashioned. If in some parallel universe the last Tory government had been all for gay rights every last known homosexual in the country would now be attending 'family values workshops' having been made the subject of an ASBO. It's not that Tony hates gays it's just that he doesn't believe in anything that doesn't fit the personal advancement of Tony Blair. In the interview he describes feeling frustrated by Ken Livingstone's comparatively early championing of gay rights believing 'we had to get into government' , of course being a pretty straight sort of guy Tony is big enough to admit he got it wrong . Had gay rights cost him an election he'd be the first to condemn loony lefty Ken and the poofs.

It all begs the question why Tony became a Catholic? His voting record would suggest he's pro-choice, pro-gay rights and doesn't mind a war or two -even when the Pope himself condemns it. After all it's perfectly possible to believe in God and be a Christian without aligning oneself to a particular church. He's such a snivelling little opportunist I can't help but think there's more to it than pressure from Cherie. What is he up to?