Benefit Scrounging Scum!

Hello,
Is there nothing an MP wouldn't claim on expenses? Is there no point where they think they might be able to manage to buy something out of their wages?


I merely ask because the loathsome James Purnell has been claiming £400 per month, roughly double what an unemployed 20 year old get's a month with with to buy food, pay their utility bills, water and sewerage charge, clothe themselves and travel to and from job interviews. He was trying to claim £475 per month but apparently that breaks the rules. Thank God there are some rules otherwise the claims of these scrounging scumbags would run into billions.

However our generosity to scrounger James does not end there, we the tax payer also splashed out £145,000 since 2001 to pay for cleaning (!!!!), utility bills and his second home in Islington. No doubt James reckons all these are essential costs.


The thing is all the people that Jamesey would cross the road to avoid, that he's happily tossing off Employment and Support Allowance regard their double figure pittance as essential, whilst James regards it as an incentive to be idle. I'm sure James is right -they couldn't possibly be paying a buffoon all that money could they? So with that in mind I suggest a national whipround to pay James the sum of £64:50 per week from now until he retires on the strict condition he stays out of the workplace, lest he cause any further damage to the country.

Before we pay James off though I'd be delighted if he'd pop in to my workplace and help us out with a couple of benefit gluttons we've been dealing with because we're having a bit of trouble. First up is a fellow, also called James, a lovely man, very polite, reeks of piss, wears a dressing gown as an overcoat, can't go anywhere without his mother, talks about his cat all the time and would like to join the police force. For some reason employers seem to be reluctant to employ him. I'd love Jamesey to tell us where we've gone wrong and identify exactly what sort of work this man is fit for because his department declared him fit for work despite him suffering a wee touch of Paranoid Schizophrenia. He scored zero points on the Incapacity Benefit Descriptors. If you've ever wondered what a benefit medical is like -this is a pretty good description. Very unfortunate but we simply must protect the public purse from scroungers.

Another chap I'd like to find work for is a charming, personable, clean young fellow who's hit hard times. He's twenty-three years old and was made redundant in October last year but got temporary Christmas work in November before being paid off again in January. He's applied for ninety-three jobs since December 2008, attended twelve interviews since January and doesn't seem to be having much luck. His weekly income is £50:75 from which he pays £5.00 per week towards water and sewerage, £ 10.00 per week to electricity, £7.00 per week to gas , £8.00 per week rent, £5.00 per week to his pay as you go mobile and the rest to food, housekeeping, clothing, travelling to interviews and stamps. Still with incentives like £50:75 per week is at any wonder he's not working? Perhaps James could set him to the righteous path of toil.

When Labour came to power unemployment was just short of two million. It is now much the same despite the 'New Deal', Tax Credits and various other carrots and sticks to prevent idleness being introduced over the years. Is it possible that unemployment might be influenced by something outwith the claimants control? Or are we just too generous to incompetent ministers who, when presented with an expenses claim form do nothing but take this piss? Perhaps it's time the benefit system was looked at by people who don't labour under the misapprehension that we're all as low as they are.

Cheerio