I've been catching up on the internet after my enforced absence and have been chuckling heartily at Julie Myerson's family catastrophes. I'm sorry but I think young Jake is marvellous! So much so that if he'd care to contact me with his paypal details I'll slip him a few quid to get a new pair of shoes.
The whole thing beggars belief. For a start why are his loopy parents going around insisting he's addicted to cannabis? It's not addictive. Anyone who reckons they are addicted just hasn't got the balls to admit they don't want to give up. In any case if they really believe he's an addict is making him homeless and bringing him into contact with real addicts the best way to tackle the situation? Perhaps Jules was hoping he'd end up on the game or in a crack house so she could earn a few quid off a follow up book.
Also peculiar is the parents desire to tell anyone who'll listen about his problems. That's bound to do his future employment prospects in later life a world of good. Mind you people love a misery memoir so should he wish to write a tell all about his absurd parents he'll be alright. Though I hope he doesn't they'd only get off on the attention.
Perhaps the funniest aspect of this story is that his parents told him they didn't mind mind him smoking cannabis, they just didn't want him getting addicted to tobacco, which as we all know is a bit common. You can almost hear the cry go up 'ooooh we didn't mean it we just wanted to show how liberal we were'. What's a boy to do? His parents tell him they don't mind him doing something, he does it then ends up booted out his home, humiliated and exploited by his money grabbing halfwit of a mother.
Still The Daily Mail disappoints I had hoped for a thunderous denunciation of Ms Myerson and her buffoon of a husband but I'd overlooked the class factor. Had some poor cow from a scheme hurled herself all over the press whining about kicking one of her children on to the streets, she'd have been denounced for dumping her problems on the rest of society, being a bad mother and having the audacity to give birth when she's not even middle class. Contrast this with the indulgence of Ms Myers who despite all her advantages, high income and education chooses to conduct herself like a more articulate Jeremy Kyle show guest. At least the guests on that programme have the defence of being, well let's face it thick and generally disadvantaged but what's Julie's excuse? Greed and love of attention? I shall be scruitinising her media output very closely from now on and if I detect so much as the whiff of a sneer at reality TV show contestants, Jade Goody or Jeremy Kyle show guests I'll be forced reluctantly to write something very, very nasty.
To think when I first got a whiff of this I assumed that Jake was just a lazy toff! Well I'm big enough to admit I was wrong, wrong, wrong. I strongly suspect he's a switched baby. Whatever the truth he's an owl raised by pigeons. Join me in chuckling as he cooly describes mum and dad as 'pseudo New Labour socialists' , hear the ring of truth as he goes on to compare them to 'two scared children who have a rose-tinted view of the world and, when something doesn't conform to it, they desperately try to force it'. He's spot isn't he. Myerson hasn't so much written a book as emitted one long howl of outrage that the world isn't he she thinks it should be. She's like one of those middle class women that no-one's ever said no to before. Rather like that stupid woman who threatenend to 'ruin' the Clairwil family after our cat 'murdered' her cat. Honestly she might as well have been stood on the doorstep screaming 'why can't you control nature?'. Still one shouldn't be too harsh there's sod all wrong with these women that a year or two working in factory wouldn't fix.
P.S I'm perfectly serious about the shoes.