God The Daily Mail Is So Disappointing!

I've been catching up on the internet after my enforced absence and have been chuckling heartily at Julie Myerson's family catastrophes. I'm sorry but I think young Jake is marvellous! So much so that if he'd care to contact me with his paypal details I'll slip him a few quid to get a new pair of shoes.

The whole thing beggars belief. For a start why are his loopy parents going around insisting he's addicted to cannabis? It's not addictive. Anyone who reckons they are addicted just hasn't got the balls to admit they don't want to give up. In any case if they really believe he's an addict is making him homeless and bringing him into contact with real addicts the best way to tackle the situation? Perhaps Jules was hoping he'd end up on the game or in a crack house so she could earn a few quid off a follow up book.

Also peculiar is the parents desire to tell anyone who'll listen about his problems. That's bound to do his future employment prospects in later life a world of good. Mind you people love a misery memoir so should he wish to write a tell all about his absurd parents he'll be alright. Though I hope he doesn't they'd only get off on the attention.

Perhaps the funniest aspect of this story is that his parents told him they didn't mind mind him smoking cannabis, they just didn't want him getting addicted to tobacco, which as we all know is a bit common. You can almost hear the cry go up 'ooooh we didn't mean it we just wanted to show how liberal we were'. What's a boy to do? His parents tell him they don't mind him doing something, he does it then ends up booted out his home, humiliated and exploited by his money grabbing halfwit of a mother.

Still The Daily Mail disappoints I had hoped for a thunderous denunciation of Ms Myerson and her buffoon of a husband but I'd overlooked the class factor. Had some poor cow from a scheme hurled herself all over the press whining about kicking one of her children on to the streets, she'd have been denounced for dumping her problems on the rest of society, being a bad mother and having the audacity to give birth when she's not even middle class. Contrast this with the indulgence of Ms Myers who despite all her advantages, high income and education chooses to conduct herself like a more articulate Jeremy Kyle show guest. At least the guests on that programme have the defence of being, well let's face it thick and generally disadvantaged but what's Julie's excuse? Greed and love of attention? I shall be scruitinising her media output very closely from now on and if I detect so much as the whiff of a sneer at reality TV show contestants, Jade Goody or Jeremy Kyle show guests I'll be forced reluctantly to write something very, very nasty.

To think when I first got a whiff of this I assumed that Jake was just a lazy toff! Well I'm big enough to admit I was wrong, wrong, wrong. I strongly suspect he's a switched baby. Whatever the truth he's an owl raised by pigeons. Join me in chuckling as he cooly describes mum and dad as 'pseudo New Labour socialists' , hear the ring of truth as he goes on to compare them to 'two scared children who have a rose-tinted view of the world and, when something doesn't conform to it, they desperately try to force it'. He's spot isn't he. Myerson hasn't so much written a book as emitted one long howl of outrage that the world isn't he she thinks it should be. She's like one of those middle class women that no-one's ever said no to before. Rather like that stupid woman who threatenend to 'ruin' the Clairwil family after our cat 'murdered' her cat. Honestly she might as well have been stood on the doorstep screaming 'why can't you control nature?'. Still one shouldn't be too harsh there's sod all wrong with these women that a year or two working in factory wouldn't fix.


P.S I'm perfectly serious about the shoes.


Louise Mills said...

She used to be a guest on The Late Review. She always struck me as a little dipsy.

Clairwil said...

Ah I knew I know her face from somewhere. She strikes me as someone who has difficulty with actions and consequences which is no doubt what accounts for the extraordinary level of violence in her family.

Anonymous said...

There are so many angles that can be used on this story or non-story.

Perhaps most noticeable is Mrs Myersons refusal to accept any responsibility for the chaotic nature of her family life. Her son claims that his parents marital difficulties played a part in this sorry affair, but she claims that it came out of nowhere!

Living in that house with its endless committee meeting, I would have needed something a lot stronger than pot.

Thank god my that my mum and dad are the authoritarian types. The drugs talk in my house was if you do drugs "I'll kick you around the house" simple crude, but effective.

Clairwil said...

Indeed. I was once given a copy of a book about Courtney Love written by her mother and the resemblance is striking. In each case we are asked to believe that despite being brough up in domestic paradise these ungrateful nightmare children just decided to wreak havoc on a whim.

Myerson seems to have a real need to demonise family members first her father, then her sister and now her son.

You do wonder what went on in that house. If you are going to take the line that you don't mind your children smoking has then at least have the wit to set clear boundries. Good God my mother used to go insane if she caught me up reading at 3am on a school night.

The whole thing is a result of their pathetic please like me style of parenting. Poor Jake was allowed to run wild like any sensible teenage boy would given half the chance because they wanted to be his pals rather than his parents. Their offer of frienship rejected they massively overreated way too late and booted him out the house, even hounding him out his parental grandmothers house when he moved there. Had they given him the support, guidance and good parenting that was his by right all this might have been avoided.

Incidentially will his fathers admission that he attempted to assualt his son with the intent of hurting him, rather than as a means of maintaining a degree of discipline result in a visit from social services? Or is that sort of thing reserved for the lower orders?

iLL Man said...

Ach, should do him good. Could be the makng of the boy. He seems to be imaginative and resourceful enough to survive in the big bad world.

The parents are right wankers though.

Clairwil said...

Well I very much doubt it will kill him, many people have survived far worse, though I cannot imagine what good it could possibly do him.

iLL Man said...

Ok, maybe a little flippant there. From the interview though, I get the impression he's grown up quickly and is keen to move on with his life. Sadly, Mummy seems a little too happy to cash in on her 'pain'. Hasn't she got anything else to write about?

Surely she should leave it for a good five years or so to let the dust settle and the rifts heal, before addressing a topic like that. It also guarantees the book will be utter shite, as it will doubtless be written with no perspective whatsoever.

Louise Mills said...

See her getting interrogated by Jeremy Paxman here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6fZ0-ZbLDRs

Self-absorbed much?

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