1/02/2009

Idle Chit Chat







Hello,
Do you think there will ever be a time when people throughout the world exclaim yippee! The Middle East is on the news? Gather round children, fetch grandma from the pantry, this is bound to be an uplifting life affirming report. I have my doubts.

Not I may add that I have any idea what should be done and I very much doubt anyone does. All anyone seems to do is sigh, adopt a faux confidence and start banging on about pre-1967 borders. Though as it's neighbours weren't terribly happy with the borders prior to 1967 I'm not terribly optimistic about it as a solution. Not I hasten to add before people start shoe throwing that I have any better ideas. I shall be sticking to changing the channel and sighing.

As such I have made it my new year's resolution to avoid the news. What's the point of necking anti -depressants and taking up a nice restful hobby like gardening when the news conspires to ruin your day for no real reason? Do these reports move significant numbers of people to do something to help the situation? There's something obscene about fat westerners gawping at misery porn and using it as nothing more than material for futile pub boredom. Can you tell I went for a pint earlier? Thank God for the smoking ban I'd never have escaped otherwise.

On an entirely different note today's Herald informs me that the pint I know and love is an English innovation, the old Scots equivalent measuring about the same as three 'Imperial pints'. Not for the first time I must extend my thanks south -three pints in one glass! What in God's name were we thinking. I expect it was a bet that got way out of hand like tripe.

I must say fag packets are getting more interesting these days. I've had all sorts on mine recently, a dead man, a diseased mouth, a before an after picture of a diseased lung. What the anti-smoking mob forget is that I had this gore foisted upon me at school and was hardened to it long before I took up the noble habit. Anyway I have decided to make my own 'packet burkhas' which hide everything but the gory picture out of sheer bloody mindedness. For the love of God you've put us outside can we not be left in peace now? Nah thought not.

That said I am looking forward to the introduction of fags under the counter. I haven't bought under the counter fags since I was a girl. Being from Glasgow I've witnessed plenty of smoking related deaths and have concluded that awful as they are they're nowhere near as bad as the horror of senility hence why I smoke. Not that you get me holding up pictures of piss stinking old ladies in other folks ill fitting clothes rotting in chairs to non-smokers. They know the risks.

Right enough chatting to the internet. I'm off.

Cheerio

4 comments:

transfattyacid said...

I think the diseased lung looks much nicer than the 'healthy' lung.

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